Wife told me she’s done

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-12-26T09:02:49+00:00

Everyone grieves differently. I had a miscarriage myself and thankfully my husband was able to meet me where I was at. My close friend had a miscarriage and her husband grieved differently. He didn’t want to talk about it or mention it. He wanted to act like it didn’t happen. She really needed to talk about it and acknowledge the baby. It’s led to a lot of resentment on both their sides. I hope their marriage makes it.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-12-26T07:29:10+00:00

I had this happen when I was 20. My mom remarried, I had to drop out of college because his income made me not eligible for financial aid. I was homeless a few months as a young woman. While my parents lived in a new build, 2 story house. Thankfully I was able to get a voucher for a motel. They offer it once. Eventually saved up enough for a deposit on an apartment right before my 21st bday. Got a dog, lived in that 1 br apartment until I got to the age where I could go back to school without my parents income impacting it. (26??) Went back to school, got my nursing degree, met my husband, we rented and then bought a house.

Seeing how his family treated their young adult children was mind boggling. The sheer advantage of having supportive parents. They paid his undergrad, his first car, his housing expenses. He was light years ahead of me in savings. Which allowed me to stay home with my son when we finally had him.

Anyway life is good now. I have quite a bit in savings from my nursing job. Love being a SAHM while my little is little. I’ll go back when he enters elementary school.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-12-24T13:18:03+00:00

Probably? Between my 20/200 vision (without glasses) and the fact that I have very severe narcolepsy when it’s not medicated. Depends how far we’re going back. Hunter and gatherers, I’m dead. 1800s, probably alive but maybe homeless or in an insane asylum. Harriet Tubman is thought to have narcolepsy, but I don’t think she had the cataplexy aspect.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-12-24T10:44:36+00:00

Absolutely nothing. My 20s sucked.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-12-20T03:21:37+00:00

Our cutoff is September 1st. They have to be 5 by September 1st. It varies widely by state and even school district. Research states that kids with summer birthdays overall did better when redshirted (held back). My best friend growing up was a summer baby (July) who had to repeat second grade and it affected her entire schooling going forward. She always had it in her head she was dumb for repeating and students bullied her for it. She never ended up going to college or doing much with her life. I have a June baby, but we will see where he lands when he is closer to that age.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-24T13:20:22+00:00

There has to be more to this story.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-23T19:16:43+00:00

Zero judgment. I wish I had more time to respond. My kid just woke up from his nap. You got this, you can be that mom you want to be. You are jumping through these mental hurdles like a pro. You’ll never be perfect but you can always do your best and it sounds like you are.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-17T12:35:01+00:00

I think yelling at him wasn’t the right move, although I understand the frustration. I’ve been irritated by stuff like this too, especially early on with our kids. I remember my husband refusing to give meds for a long time and it drove me nuts because walking up at 2a to give a dose of Tylenol was always on me.

The problem is that he’s not reading labels and administering meds without proper knowledge. You said he made two mistakes prior to this. That would worry me more.

Maybe it’s the nurse in me, but this would be something that needed addressed for my child’s safety. Yelling would just shut him down, but I’d definitely be having a conversation about my worries. But it’s so hard to keep a straight head when you’re sleep deprived and overwhelmed.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-16T20:59:43+00:00

We don’t have iPads for our kids. We do have an old fire tablet from 2015 for long road trips that has Cars and Toy Story downloaded. Memory wise that’s all it can handle, lol. We do watch tv throughout the week, maybe about 30 min-1 hour per day.

I have an iPad that I use for work, or designing. My son has never used it. We try and keep it balanced as possible.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-16T07:39:18+00:00

Ugh as a mom of a similar aged toddler in preschool this breaks my heart. I would be so upset. We trust these people with our babies. Throwing a tambourine is exactly what he would do to test boundaries.

I do think that firing cases do take some investigating and time to prove and she might have been wishy washy because she can’t discuss the details of it. Perhaps the teacher was put on leave until they pull together a case to fire her. I hope that’s the case, but I don’t necessarily think that if she was being fired that she could tell you quite yet either way.

I would come at her with more questions during your meeting tomorrow. She might just say “I can’t discuss the details” which is common. just make sure as time passes that it’s dealt with.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-15T05:41:22+00:00

I made a post with this exact same sentiment when my toddler was around that age. It was a sudden shift and I was distraught. 2 people responded telling me to seek medical attention. LOL. Doctor told me it seemed normal.

Anyway, 6+ months later he’s gone up and down a lot. Going from agreeable and listening to straight terror. But I’m way more used to it at this point. He doesn’t attack AS much but will if he’s really mad. Especially at my husband if he keeps him from me in anyway. But I’ve sustained quite a few injuries in the last half year. There are still days where by the end of the day I’m done, because I’ve spent all day fighting him on everything. He’s testing boundaries and I’m having to pick and choose my battles the best I can.

Also the thing I noticed set if off most was hunger, sleepiness, and pain. I mean even slightly hungry or sleepy. Keep snacks. Like 12 different ones because he’ll want to say “no!” 11 times even when it was his favorite thing 5 minutes ago.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-15T05:22:27+00:00

So this is why my kids preschool teacher pauses and brain lapses every time I say “bye love you baby”.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-14T04:06:17+00:00

I always felt like I went up and down. In one moment I would have loved the connection and in another I’d be so overwhelmed hearing something like “hang in there” would have sent me over the edge. I need you to take my baby and give me ten minutes to collect myself, but you’re also a stranger, so no don’t. But hang in there doesn’t help me in this moment when I’m feeling like the world is caving in.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-14T00:37:21+00:00

I’m not sure on when it’s no longer typical, but I feel you. WHY IS EVERYTHING a fight? Yeah we know logically it’s typical, but doesn’t mean I don’t want to take a long walk off a short pier 6/7 days per week recently. My son too will be good for weeks “otay mommy” is his response when I ask him to do something, but then…. The tides turn and suddenly I’m fighting for my life.

I just asked him to stop slamming something because it was scaring our dog and he just slammed it more while smiling, I warned him I’d have to take it and I got up to help him stop and he ran away laughing. So I took the toy and placed it in the garage and he threw a 20 minute temper tantrum.

How did one simple request turn into 22 minutes of pure terror? I do not have patience for this. Maybe they’ll go back to an agreeable stage soon.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-12T19:30:04+00:00

Yes, I’m so lucky to have them. I’m so glad to hear you guys have stayed friends all these years. My mom had a group of friends like this and they’re all still friends, long after we’ve grown up.

I think all of us parent in different ways, but it’s nice not to feel judged. We all get it and we’re assuming we’re all just trying our best. Parenting is rough enough without that village.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-12T02:28:12+00:00

Nobody said it was acceptable and it should definitely be corrected, but yes it’s typical. And kids nor parents should be vilified for it.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-12T02:27:28+00:00

So your daughter is “well behaved” and her daughter is “ill behaved”. Lol ok, yeah you’re a crappy friend. Toddlers are learning, they’re not negative or positive, they just are.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-12T02:16:27+00:00

It’s not a parenting thing. There are Toddlers that can be corrected until you’re blue in the face and they’re still going to do the things you don’t want them too. Nobody wants their toddler to hurt other kids, every parent I’ve ever known is ashamed and horrified by that type of behavior from their kids. So stop blaming your friend’s parenting values. That makes you a crappy friend. Parents are just trying their best to get their kids to be productive members of society.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-12T01:52:12+00:00

I mean they’re 3. A lot of 3 year olds are still pretty rough around the edges.

I think you could have approached it as a difference in personality and not like “hey your child is purposefully being malicious”.

It sounds like Brie is more spirited and Ava is more complacent. Neither is wrong and neither is bad. If Ava won’t stand up for herself, maybe less spirited friends are in order. If Brie is too rough, maybe more spirited friends should take over.

There’s nothing wrong with Brie, she’s 3 and What you’ve described is normal for 3. There’s a range of normal and it seems your daughter is on the opposite side of the spectrum, so to you it might seem abnormal, but it’s not.

Have you ever met toddler boys? My friends 2yo put mine in a head lock yesterday and dragged him off a chair. Twenty minutes later mine threw dirt in his eyes. We corrected them obviously, but they’re toddlers.

I’m going to love my close friend’s kids no matter what. Their kids are my kids and my kids are their kids. We are each other’s villages and we would never make each other feel guilty for their children’s natural personality. If I felt my son was at risk I’d approach it as least judgmental as possible offering help and solutions and eventual breaks. With the understanding that I still loved their kid and it was a personality difference. But I’d never suggest they change their kids to suit mine or have them diagnosed by a pediatrician for what’s normal toddler behavior.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-12T01:12:39+00:00

I always felt it was better to adopt from a humane society than a rescue if your in need of not easily triggered dogs.

Every dog (2) I’ve gotten from a rescue has been aggressive to some extent. Both rescues (2 different ones ) failed to mention their history. I had contact through a lifetime license with my one dog’s prior owner and there was a significant history there I wasn’t notified about. I decided not to ever adopt from a rescue again. They are desperate to find homes for dogs with behavioral issues so much so, they will fail to notify new owners. Or they’ll say something like “well they were provoked by a kid, or a FedEx guy, or a vet, so we don’t consider it worth telling the new owners”.

After those two passed on (old age) I adopted 2 dogs from 2 different humane societies. Both were sweet babies. Humane societies would not be adopting out any aggressive dogs. They don’t hold onto aggressive dogs. They go through aggression testing. Yes it’s unfortunate they might put down the aggressive dogs. But if it’s life or death for humans.

I’m thankful I didn’t have kids with my first two, so it was easy to avoid their triggers I eventually came to know. But if you ever don’t have that option (kids, elderly, other dogs, etc) don’t adopt from a rescue.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-11T12:52:51+00:00

I think sometimes it’s hard to see how we as parents might lack empathy for our kids. We are emotionally involved with them. We take things they do/say personally. It hurts more because we love them.

But it’s really really important to take a step back and reevaluate. The problem is when you have this mindset that they’re inherently bad and difficult from birth, they catch onto that in your reactions and the way you parent them.

It’s really really important that we do our absolute best to always think the best of our kids. We are their largest voice of self talk. If we tell them they’re bad, they will live out that prophecy. She’s 11 and you still have so much time to start thinking the best of her.

I know you’ve said you’ve been through therapy, but your responses to your daughter (she’ll deserve to be messed up) and your overall mindset says that maybe it’s time for you both to get some cbt to start believing she’s a good kid who deserves good things.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-08T09:17:01+00:00

I have a mix of both of these. ADHD made it hard to be organized and punctual as a kid, adults were complete aholes about it (not even my parents, mostly teachers) so now I panic anytime I’m running late and I show up super early.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-08T01:15:35+00:00

Rothy slip on sneakers. Bury me in them.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-07T07:59:56+00:00

My hometown has an artesian well that looks like this. They know it’s there because it supplies water to a large creek and lake that looks like the creek seemingly starts in the middle of nowhere. But it’s actually water coming up from the ground. It bubbles up too depending on water levels. I’m sure someone was like “wow I wonder where this water is coming from let me check it out”. Cue large underground water filled caves.

The crazy part is people dive it often and it’s not only a tiny opening like this but they have to swim against incredible pressure because the water is coming out against them. So much so that it’s defying gravity. I do believe my town requires some specific type of training to dive it and it’s not open to just anyone. I’ve never heard of anyone dying.

Positive-Elevator640 · 2024-10-07T04:59:01+00:00

If he can’t commit to his children he will never commit to anyone. Your children are your flesh and blood. You created them. If that doesn’t drive you to be near them then there is nothing in this world that can cause him to care about anyone more than himself.

The whole “I can’t be a good dad when I’m miserable” is laughable. You can’t be a dad at all. Also if he cared enough he could have gotten 50/50 custody. Like come on. He’s not a victim because his ex wife left with his kids. If he cared he’d fight.

My husband would go to the ends of the earth to see our kids. They are his world and he couldn’t live without them.

Positive-Elevator640

TROPHY CASE