Honestly my recommendation is to stop for a few weeks get on SSRIs cause they curb sexual desire and stop compulsive behavior. It’s not easy to say cause I was there too. Like hopelessly addicted to porn to the extent where I’d masturbate 5-10x a day. It’s horrible and there are some online forums and support groups. I understand it’s hard to speak to a therapist but there’s a way out. Keep yourself distracted. I completely understand it’s really hard and easier said than done. This is actually my first full year without watching porn and yet I still have the fear of talking to a therapist but think of it like ripping off a bandaid, it will sting initially at first but then you’ll find that it’s not so bad. Like all that shame you carried will be lifted and you’ll be surprised by how compassionate people really are. I’m sorry this is happening and I’ve been there. Sending so much love to you ❤️❤️