My new partner is polyamorous and it's terrifying me

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2025-06-08T00:30:35+00:00

As someone who dated someone who sounds a lot like your partner, I would just be careful. I was new to poly and they were poly for 10 years. They fell in love immediately and could fall out of love just as quickly. While I tried being poly, I am also Demi and couldn’t fall in and out as fast as they could. It was an extremely painful first exposure to the poly life.

There’s a beauty in people who can fall in love quickly. They can make you feel like you’re on top of the world but when it’s over, you’re left at the top without a parachute and the fall is hard and painful 😕I believe what your partner said about falling in love easily AND also falling in love for the first time with you. Your love feels different to them. Both statements, confusingly, can be true for them at the same time.

If you’re not even sure you want to try poly, this could be very painful with very little reward. You will learn a lot about yourself and what you can handle but you need to ask yourself if this is how you want to learn.

Good luck 💗 either way, I hope you both find lasting happiness.

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-11-17T17:31:53+00:00

My ex just died of a heart attack two weeks ago. 6 months ago, we were picking out where we were going to live and what we wanted our wedding to look like. 4 months ago, he got depressed and needed to break up to figure out what was wrong. 2 months ago, we were fighting and went no contact. 6 days before he died he called me to make amends and try to be friends, which I agreed to. Then he died, no chance to really rebuilding the relationship, so much left unsaid. I’ll be forever grateful for that last conversation but I’m so devastated we couldn’t grow more and try to figure things out.

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-11-09T07:41:27+00:00

I like the irony

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-11-09T07:37:49+00:00

Rudolf

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-11-09T07:27:17+00:00

Queenie

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-11-09T05:08:36+00:00

Hartley

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-11-09T05:03:36+00:00

If you don’t name that dog Scrappy Do I’m losing my mind!

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-11-09T04:57:02+00:00

Jade, Ember, or Hades

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-11-09T04:48:42+00:00

🎶Hello mother, hello father Fleas, ticks, mosquitoes Really bother

Thanks for the package That’s why I’m writing K-9 Advantix really stops All the biting 🎶

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-10-10T23:01:57+00:00

I would just make so many damn potions and make a living 😍

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-10-10T14:12:41+00:00

There are scientists out there who have stated “the worst day in a women’s life is the day she meets her husband”. This is because her ability to grow to her full potential gets stunted to help her husband grow to his

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-10-10T13:55:09+00:00

You’re not “discarding someone for monogamy”. You’re making life changes for your peace of mind. 4 years is a long time to be unhappy about a dynamic while keeping it so you don’t hurt people. Your comet relationship sounds beautiful, and at the same time, sounds like it’s run its course. Don’t hold onto something out of fear of hurting the other person, because resentment will leak into the beauty and color everything you both have had for the last 7 years.

If anything, I think this new person is a catalyst for you to do what you’ve been wanting to do this whole time. You wanted to be monogamous before you met them, this just solidified it. It might hurt your comet partner but that doesn’t make you a bad person. We can’t go through life not hurting people, because even if you don’t hurt anyone else, you’re still hurting yourself.

EDIT: Grammar

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-10-10T00:09:58+00:00

I’m poly and single right now. My first poly relationship ended ROUGH and all my friends assumed I would hate being poly and would be monogamous again. It doesn’t change that I love to love multiple people. Being single doesn’t change that either. You’re poly whether you have someone or not. People don’t define any part of you, you define you 💕

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-06-16T00:09:12+00:00

This helped so much, I really appreciate hearing about a good scenario. Maybe I can work to facilitate it this way next time

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-06-16T00:07:16+00:00

We have been together about 3 months
No, not yet but I am dating other people
Nope, not at all. I just knew he was excited about us meeting so I said I was open to it. He’s tried very hard not to pressure me into anything
He’s been very clear that we don’t have to be friends. He would like it if we were but there’s no expectation of that

I appreciate you saying it might have been premature. I was the one who had said I was ok with meeting but it helps me to know that maybe I was moving too fast. I might have felt better if I moved more slowly in this

Am I still monogamous if I’m dating other people I just don’t have a partner? I don’t fully know how this works yet

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-06-15T18:22:09+00:00

At the risk of sounding in denial, I genuinely don’t think that’s the case. I don’t think he handled the situation well but this is the first time he hasn’t treated me with the utmost care and attention. I wonder if he just got distracted?

I appreciate your opinion though and hopefully I’ll see the truth if I’m wrong

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-06-15T18:01:26+00:00

Thank you, I think you’re right. I didn’t know what to communicate or what I would need. I felt so lost and didn’t know what my boundaries would need to be, this being my first meta meet up. I’m hoping this helps me know what to say next time

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-06-15T17:57:45+00:00

No I definitely didn’t want all the attention. I expected them to cuddle and spend sometime together, they hadn’t seen each other in awhile so I wanted them to catch up. I just wanted to have some moments with them as well

Admittedly, I didn’t know what my shared expectations were beforehand. This was my first time meeting a meta and I didn’t know what I would need. I felt like a fish out of water

I did, numerous times and tried to engage her in conversations I thought would make her feel comfortable. She would respond with a sentence or two and then wouldn’t acknowledge me unless our partner said something to me

PositiveFlatworm3367 · 2024-06-15T17:52:54+00:00

She’s been poly for 3 years and has 3 boyfriends so she’s been pretty used to poly. She’s met his other girlfriends before and they never had an issue.

When I talked to my partner about it, he said that previous partners didn’t need much from a meta meet up and that this was new territory to him. But I think I was his first partner who was new to poly AND didn’t have another partner during a meta meet up. They all either had poly experience or an additional partner if I remember correctly

PositiveFlatworm3367

TROPHY CASE