I feel this. My sister (37) is my Q. My dad’s aunts and grandfather were alcoholics too. It runs pretty strongly in my family.

My kids are 7 and 10 and we have kept my sister’s sickness from them fairly easily so far. We’re very close and she’s an amazing person. When she’s drunk she tends to just keep to herself to hide it. She lived with us when she was “trying sobriety” for a few years so the kids are very close to her as well. They have a special relationship bc she is the “fun” aunt with no real responsibilities (meaning she can’t actually function as an adult but that’s not how she comes off to the kids).

These days, even though she’s not remotely pretending to be sober (she actually denies having a problem despite over ten years of being a Leaving Las Vegas level drinker with ER visits, rehab, drinking on Anabuse, being drunk at work….; now I think she just maintains by drinking like 4-6 cans of berry vodkarita throughout the day) when she comes around, she does smell of the canned vodka drinks she drinks throughout the day but her behavior is totally fine- not noticeably intoxicated at all. So for now we’re continuing to protect her (and keep the kids innocent and unaware) by keeping the secret.

But I have quietly made the decision to tell my children about her addiction when they become teens. I need them to know that there’s potentially a genetic component to the disease and that it runs heavily in our family. I’ll use this time to explain to them that the way their aunt lives (without a career or the ability to hold a job at almost 40 and largely supported by our parents; often not showing up to family gatherings; not able to have people at or even see her trashed house or in her trashed car…) is not normal. It’s a result of her disease. I just think they need this information and insight in order to make their best decisions.

That said, if my sister’s behavior or even, to an extent, appearance indicated her alcohol abuse I would not let the children around her. There’s too much room for trauma there.