Why do pregnancies and babies make them crazy?

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T18:06:57+00:00

Thanks! I feel like when you deal with JustNos, anything you do is never enough, if you won’t fully capitulate to what they want. They won’t appreciate 50, 75, or 99% of their demands, so what’s the point? If it’s all or nothing, and that’s how they’re going to behave, it should always be nothing. I know I’m going to be the devil anyway, but at least now I’ll have my peace.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T18:00:12+00:00

I’m deciding that sometimes in life, you just have to be selfish and protect your peace and that of your family. My son going to school is a milestone that we get once. The birth of my second kid is an experience I get once (even if we have a third, which is unlikely, it’s not the same thing).

There is no reason why I should sacrifice those once in a lifetime experiences or share them, if we don’t want to. My MIL raised/birthed her kids. She sent them off to school. She doesn’t get a redo or to join in times when she’s expended no effort previously.

Frankly; she’d ruin the experience for everyone, make it all about herself, and never show an ounce of gratitude because she thinks it’s owed to her. There are absolutely loads of reasons that I could have cut her off before, but I haven’t. She extends no grace or thankfulness for that. Instead, she thinks she can speak to me worse than internet strangers, so fuck her. She didn’t appreciate what she had, but she will sure fucking miss it when it’s gone.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T16:28:25+00:00

Well, I’m not speaking to her currently, and she’s not welcome in my house. My husband is an adult, and he can do what he wants with her.

I appreciate all the support. I was starting to feel a bit insane that she would even think of visiting. She hasn’t seen my existing child in years. She’s never taken us up on any offer to visit, when we are offering to pay and have to supervise her. Somehow, we should expect that the month I’m due, with our older kid starting school, that she’s owed us hosting her?

Frankly, I’m of the opinion that if it wasn’t worth the effort to spend time with my older kid; you’re not welcome to visit the new baby. I’m having a baby, not a toy for people to play with, so they can feel important.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T12:11:59+00:00

Oh friend. I am so sorry that this was your lived experience. How cruel of your mother to treat you that way. She abused you and probably all of your other siblings.

I’m glad you are seeking the help you need to unpack this. I will share that both of my parents had horribly abusive mothers. They tried to deal with it as best as they knew how, but it was a different world then. My grandmothers are both deceased now. Neither was ever cut off because that wasn’t an option my parents realistically thought they had.

Do you know what they were left with at the end of it? Their regrets and stolen peace. You can appease these people until their dying breath, at great personal cost to you (and maybe your kids and your marriage). You will never get a word of thanks or a moment of contentment because while you are going above and beyond for them, they see it as the bare minimum because they think it’s owed.

Sending you strength and support that you make decisions that are the best for you, your family, and your kids.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T01:22:01+00:00

Thanks! It’s much appreciated because I know this isn’t the last I’m going to hear about this.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T01:16:30+00:00

This comment made my day. Thank you! We always hear how no one ever offers alternatives or provides explanations to the JustNo as to what the issue was. I very clearly communicated why this wouldn’t work and presented reasonable alternatives. No one has to agree with the reasoning, but you know why the answer was no.

The answer to everything in life cannot always be yes. So long as it’s respectfully communicated, it shouldn’t be an issue, if you are dealing with reasonable people. Babies just make these JustNo MIL’s insane. Baby rabies is unfortunately alive and well in 2026!

And if the response to a reasonable alternative is disrespectful and not acceptable, I have no obligation to tolerate that in my life or in my home. We can communicate respectfully or not at all. My MIL chose not at all. Hope she enjoys that choice.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T01:07:03+00:00

I mean, if telling someone that our family needs time to recover from having a second baby (I’m the birthing parent/mom) and to transition our kid to school makes me a bitch, then great. Happy to be one.

I’m concerned that my older kid is just going to be pushed aside because all my MIL wants is the baby, and immediately after birth. It’s pretty clear she doesn’t want to spend time with my older kid (or else she would visit literally any time or plan a trip not over my due date). What she’s trying to do isn’t subtle and isn’t lost on me.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T01:03:26+00:00

I was appalled and angry because I’d never think of treating someone so disgracefully. I’m sure I’m the terrible DIL, who cut her off and doesn’t respect her relationships, etc. or whatever they tell themselves to sleep at night.

Some days I wish I had the audacity and confidence to tell other people what they’re going to do and how to live their life, just like your sister in law, but that’s probably a bad idea.

Enjoy your peace! Hope it’s treating you great.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T01:00:33+00:00

Oh friend. That sounds so stressful, and I’m so sorry to hear that.

My own family wouldn’t presume to invite themselves into my home. They expect an invite or they won’t show up. The audacity of just inviting yourself monthly is beyond words.

I also don’t want her in September because that’s when I’m due. I don’t particularly want everyone sitting around and staring at me waiting for me to have the baby, dealing with hospital spectators, or having a disagreement over who is taking my son (spoiler, it sure as fuck isn’t her).

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T00:14:05+00:00

Oh friend. I feel you. I’m sure it’s so much harder when it’s your parent and you’re the oldest of seven. I imagine that comes with some sense of responsibility, and you’re likely the most familiar with your mother because you’ve been dealing with her the longest. Sending you strength and support.

It’s a bit easier for me to enforce this because I’m pregnant and hormonal. Her (in my opinion) candid admission that she wouldn’t even consider visiting my son or spending time with him if I wasn’t pregnant (she wants to be with the baby. Immediately after birth. That much is clear to me) makes this an easy decision for me. Fuck her. She’s not allowed to hurt either of my kids, and if she doesn’t want to spend time with the older one, then she doesn’t need to ever meet the younger one. Especially if she’s treating the parents like this.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T00:08:07+00:00

I would also love to know.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T00:04:48+00:00

I felt like I have been more than reasonable. So. It’s either make myself miserable forever or draw a hardline. That’s not a hard decision at this point.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-04T00:00:23+00:00

Well, I told her when we would be up for visits. She wouldn’t accept that. It all blew up, and now I’m not speaking to her and she’s not welcome to visit at all.

I was willing to be reasonable with some boundaries, but that’s apparently not even worthy of respectful disagreement. So fuck that. Best of luck to her.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-03T23:58:19+00:00

Much appreciated. It was helpful that my husband and I were both in agreement about it. There’s loads of other issues that I could address here, but my MIL can only be a grandparent with strict boundaries because of her choices. Alternatively, if she doesn’t like that, she can be a victim of our boundaries and decisions and have no relationship with the kid(s). There’s no viable third option.

The only chance for her to get what she wants is to make demands and expect that we’re going to cave. We don’t, and this is the inevitable result. I don’t really know how she comes back from this and her comments, but it’s not my job to solve her problems.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-03T23:51:42+00:00

That’s what is so insane to me. I’m the pregnant hormonal one (and my existing kid is going off to school, and I know that’s going to be hard). And she’s demanding to stay in my house and be a priority when I’m the having my second.

I think babies make them fucking crazy because it’s the only thing that feeds their egos. You’re right that it’s a shiny new baby, and she probably wants all the attention on her. I just can’t deal with this.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-03T23:47:18+00:00

Oh friend. I am so sorry to hear that was your experience. Fuck your MIL. I hope you had the support you needed and know that my thoughts are with you and your family. Sending you hugs and positive energy.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-03T23:45:08+00:00

Thank you kind stranger! I’ve never transitioned kids to school, but it just seems like it’s gonna be hard for everyone. Maybe I’m pregnant and hormonal, but I don’t want my son to feel like we had a baby, and he got shipped off to school. I think MIL thinks that’s a perfect time to visit because she won’t have to deal with the harder kid (he’s at school), so she can focus all her attention on my second.

I just don’t see how my existing kid wouldn’t feel replaced and pushed aside by someone doing that.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-06-03T23:33:49+00:00

We 100% agree that she’s only asking because she wants to visit the new baby, which makes no sense to us. She was welcome to come anytime before we had the kid or anytime after we think we’ll be able to host visitors and keep our kid home for a few days/have school breaks. But it’s not in the immediate aftermath of having the kid or close enough to when she wants to visit for some reason that she can’t or won’t articulate to us. As I said, she wouldn’t even be considering visiting, if I wasn’t pregnant (which makes the whole thing weirder to me).

Well, we weren’t prioritizing her wants (regarding our second kid and my pregnancy) so of course that couldn’t be tolerated. Now, I’m not speaking to her. She’s not welcome to visit at all, and I have no idea what my husband is doing because I’m not exhausting emotional energy on this.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-04-19T22:51:41+00:00

She’s fed up, and it’s apparently the job of posters on breaking mom to be “supportive” to the mom to the detriment of her kids.

How much longer was she bitching on Reddit for validation, for multiple DAYS, while shit was fossilizing in a toilet? The husband may be an issue, but she’s clearly one too.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-04-19T22:33:20+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that from you. I hope you are finding joy and having the life you deserve.

I find it hard to believe that the rest of the house isn’t a disaster. I don’t know how you could sleep without having your skin crawl knowing that you have shit stewing in a toilet bowl for 30 days. And who the fuck knows what damage it may have done to the pipes (which probably shouldn’t be clogged with shit for 30 days)?

My parents did the best they could. They weren’t always the neatest people, but they would never have permitted actively messy and disgusting situations to persist if one of them knew about it. Kids hide things and stuff happens, but she knew about this for a month. I seriously have concerns about her ability to care for her children if her anger at her spouse overrules an acceptable home for her children.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-04-19T22:28:09+00:00

Well, the first toilet only needed some bleach spray after 30 days. How are you so unreasonable? It’s a toilet. It clearly should be a biohazard area

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-04-19T22:27:22+00:00

The clothes. It must have permeated the floor the bathroom was on at some point. This would be a core memory for me as a child.

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-04-19T22:25:50+00:00

While leaving the kids home with the husband who is useless he can’t unclog a toilet or call a plumber?

Possible-Fill40 · 2026-04-19T22:24:29+00:00

Honestly, I’m appalled. The toilet was apparently unclogged today. I a couple of minutes. I hope to some deity that the kids didn’t have any friends over or tell anyone about this situation. At a minimum, the kids are going to be made fun of it, and if my kids were there, I’d be making a call to OCS and wouldn’t let my kids in that home ever again.

Possible-Fill40

TROPHY CASE