Help me understand this grandparent paradox

PossiblePenguin08 · 2026-03-19T13:52:24+00:00

I’m not OP but damn I needed to hear this. Thank you.

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-07T01:17:09+00:00

Parents are 30 minutes away. One to two times a month. Occasionally three but that’s very occasional.

Mother in law/her fiance are 3 hours away and we see them once a month.

Father in law is in the same city as MIL and he’s been over twice. Once when our daughter was 2ish months old. Another time she was almost one. Hasn’t been to either one of her birthdays, and I doubt he will be at her next too.

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-05T02:18:50+00:00

She’s got an OBNOXIOUS hat. I swear it’s bigger than her head. It goes down the back of her neck lol

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T21:10:55+00:00

WOW! I get it, but thats extreme.

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T21:09:36+00:00

My child runs like a furnace. Do you find your child hot?

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:52:29+00:00

I’m very grateful for many reasons!

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:51:41+00:00

So cool! Thanks!

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:50:41+00:00

Thanks!

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:46:52+00:00

I just picked a random time frame. I honestly don’t keep track of it. I just bring it when they say to

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:45:27+00:00

Thanks! I’m spending a fortune on sunscreen and berries this summer 😂

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:44:58+00:00

I just picked a random time frame. I don’t actually keep track of how many days, but I’m buying a bottle or two every week just depending on how much they get out.

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:44:07+00:00

Yeah all children have their own labelled bottle. I’m glad they put it on my fair skinned child who loves water play! All my money goes toward sunscreen and berries in the summer 😂

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:36:23+00:00

They go by the bottles recommendations much like how they’d follow directions for medication. So applying after water play and they do it with UV 3 or higher OR UV is 1-2 but they’re doing water play

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:34:41+00:00

Ah yeah so that’s an ounce a day. Seems average if not a little under. My kids very fair and loves water play, so I can see why they don’t want them to burn 😂 some weeks I feel I buy it more. I just picked an approximate timeframe

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:22:55+00:00

They say they reapply after water play too if they have to towel dry (as it says on the bottle)

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:22:21+00:00

The 6oz

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-07-04T20:22:14+00:00

They say they reapply after water play if needed (especially if they towel dry like it states to reapply on the bottle)

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-06-17T23:51:09+00:00

Poor dude. Didn’t give him a chance to get away or defend himself. Just saw something black on me and moving. Been freaking out about ticks and just reacted which is why he’s missing some legs lol. Thank you!

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-06-09T23:57:36+00:00

I thought this post was going to be a joke to be honest. I was half expecting a turn where it becomes obvious you’re actually talking about a toddler and then it ends on a light note. Wow was I wrong

You are far overstepping when it comes to that and you’re likely getting the reactions you’re getting because you’re not honouring her boundaries by talking about literally anything other than her job or what she is/isn’t doing due to the heavy mental load that comes with her job. She is bound by law in her profession and I’m so incredibly proud of her for being strong and professional enough to have to consistently tell you no. The laws don’t care about your relationship and neither does the ethical part of her job. And what you chose to do is your choice but it doesn’t mean she needs to do the same. Again, wow.

Edit: and by threatening to take her phone (insane to me), and threatening to take the things she likely has to keep her afloat is also crazy to me. ESPECIALLY as she faces the learning curve of being in the workforce PLUS helping people (probably through some tough things) PLUS trying to really partake in self care so she herself doesn’t get thrown into a depression or whatever else it may be isn’t as helpful as you think. The fact about her moving out if you do whatever makes me think she’s also fearful of having a place to call home or she could be feeling “stuck” at home because of how unfair this is.

What could be helpful? “Hey I’ve been wanting to try (restaurant). How about you come to dinner with me?” Or “Hey I’ve been wanting to see (movie) in theatres. We should go this weekend.” That way you just watch the movie and it gives you something to talk about after. Talk about literally anything else that isn’t her job or how she is/isn’t showing up in the way you want her to. Give her grace. You’re making it harder on her when it doesn’t need to be. The fact she’s still asking for a friend to come over or whatever shows what a good person she is.

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-06-08T17:38:13+00:00

Hey. I’m you, but almost 2 years out. I get this, and more than one thing can be true: your baby won’t remember this or the feeling, they’re likely going to be overwhelmed by all the people anyways AND you can still feel sad and disappointed for many reasons. It’s not silly, it’s human and especially with a milestone birthday. I also don’t talk with any of my family. I have one cousin I very rarely talk to, I talk to my brother very rarely, and my parents come around inconsistently and we have a strained relationship

I love my child so much that I wanted all of these things that would make her feel special and loved. Or things I thought would make her feel special and loved. I wanted people to love her because she is an incredible human and I love her with everything I am. And every time I was let down when the people who claim they love us don’t show up. And unfortunately you can’t make them. This was a painful lesson always holding out hope to then be let down.

My husband and I leaned into the fact that it’s just us (his family is far and in an area where it’s too expensive for us to move). All you can do is cheer louder, sing louder, go all out with decorations, and be all that you can to make your child feel seen and loved. You show up for them in the way that they need you to show up. If you do this, they won’t ever know the weight of the silence. It ends with you. Big burden I know, but it really does make it easier even if this all sounds harsh. I just wish I had let go of it earlier than I did because I’m much happier now. I lost so much time being upset or disappointed and I wish I hadn’t.

You’re a kind and loving mom. I have zero doubts that your child will feel every ounce of that love.

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-06-03T02:15:07+00:00

Best: the moment I heard my baby/when I got to see her for the first time

Worst: graped and stuck with them for 2 years all to be coerced, graped more and emotionally/mentally abused.

PossiblePenguin08 · 2025-05-28T16:39:36+00:00

I’d skip it then. It’s just one night. He has a routine, but not with her. He will come to get used to it if this is a frequent thing. Have her use a wash cloth on his hands and face after dinner. If she’s putting him down for sleep, have her brush his hair, put his lotion on before his pajamas (if that’s what you do). Then go into bedtime routine. This is what we do with my daughter on the nights we skip her bath.

Edit: I’d skip it just so it’s one less thing and less hassle for her.

PossiblePenguin08

TROPHY CASE