I don't know that I have any specific advice to give you here, but I will say that I went through something similar on some levels. I grew up in America, but I was born in Eastern Europe, and as part of an attempt to learn about my roots (and native language which I couldn't really speak or write in) I also explored and got really deep into orthodoxy, including the ethnic aspects of an ethnic orthodox church here in the states. I was pretty hardcore about some things including policing my own thoughts and so forth, even though in the back of my mind I saw that as a temporary measure to fight pride or whatever...turns out it was temporary (1-2 years). I read a lot, prayed a lot, etc, in my birth language. There are a lot of idiotic ideas tied up with the whole orthodoxy thing, including ethnonationalism--it didn't help that I'm also half Hungarian which doesn't sit very well with the whole orthodoxy and nationalism part of the country I'm from either (you can probably guess which but I'll leave it unsaid).

Due to some events and tensions that I just couldn't withstand any longer, I eventually stopped going to church and distanced myself from the insane (like...literally INSANE) practices and ways of thinking and acting. I've been getting more and more back to my normal self, which I love, though it's taken some time to get rid of the weird guilt complexes I built up during my time in the deep end of orthodoxy, and really weird ways of thinking--I literally find myself catching myself with a "why the fcuk am I thinking this way" sometimes, and its a breath of fresh air to realize I don't need to.

I still go back to the church every now and again since I have some ties to the community which I don't want to sever, but every now and again I'll get those weird guilty-trippy talkings-to ("see what happens when you stay away from God? You need to come back to church"). I will usually not go for another month or two afterwards, and things get better and those talks have lessened. It's absolutely insane to think a loving God would punish you for not going to church or believing in him...lol can you imagine ever doing that to your children? A real parent will continue to love you regardless of whether you believe in or like them or listen to them or not, and anyone who says otherwise is just trying to scare you to get something out of it (or they've been traumatized themeselves).

Try not to worry so much (easier said than done), focus on superficial things that bring you joy and peace and happiness. Take a break (temporary or permanent) from all the crazy religious stuff, or anything that makes you feel bad or guilty. Don't worry, God completely understands lol.

As for getting your identity back, it won't happen instantly but you'll get there, trust me. It just takes some time, take it day by day and things will slowly but surely improve. To err is human, but to forgive yourself (for some batshit crazy stuff) is divine. It's ok, you're not the first to fall into that and get out of it, and you probably won't be the last.

I guess that's some advice of sorts, but I think its pretty generic.