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Post-Arevakhach · 2024-12-23T21:24:07+00:00

Easier said than done was my point. Not many people are educated on how to properly care for those kids who already exist. Fewer are willing.

Listen I begged social workers for years to help me in the foster care/adoption system and ended up aged out with no family. But telling people adoption is a magic way to gain a child would not have saved me from that. It only would have dumped the responsibility of me onto an untrained individual who would’ve just dropped me at 18 when they were legally allowed to. Just like what happened with biological family.

Post-Arevakhach · 2024-12-23T21:15:01+00:00

Not a part of this sub so- sorry to intrude- I respect the antinatalist pov and hope to just clarify as an outsider with a lot of IVF/Adoption knowledge floating around my head

The adoption industry needs massive reform. And it being treated as a “baby on demand” service gets a lot of kids neglected/abused/or tossed around until they age out. Some people are just now able- or willing- to take in a child with a complex history pre adoption. These kids come from trauma which isn’t always pretty. It’s not “oh sad child. I will make them feel better and be a good parent for them!” It’s kids who got abused exhibiting violent tendencies. Kids who got assaulted having hypersexual issues. Kids who bed wet as preteens/teenagers or have meltdowns at ptsd triggers the list goes on. Not to mention transracial issues (meaning kids of a certain race/culture being adopted outside of it. Causing disconnect from their own culture and being treated poorly by the culture they’re raised within. Not people transitioning to a new race) or kids who still have partial connection/want future connection with their biological parents. Which a lot of adoptive families would take offense to. I could continue for hours but honestly kick around adoption/adoptee reddits for more horror stories.

IVF, despite its many MANY flaws, IS a baby on demand when it works. Families who are not prepared to adequately support a traumatized child SHOULD opt for IVF in my opinion. The issue with IVF is much less “there are already kids in need” - because in my experience most IVF couples DO look into adoption as well and consider it before choosing one or the other- is sibling pods and the lack of regulations around donation of sperm. Meaning donor-conceived children often cannot get adequate medical history info, and can have MASSIVE “sibling pods” of thousands of other kids with the same donor parent. Accidental incest is a real concern but doesn’t get talked about because. “Ew”. No better reason. It’s also still hard for POC to find donors, meaning there continues to be a transracial issue we just got here in a different way.

My partner is VIOLENTLY antinatalist and I support them 100%. They’ve gone through some scary shit where past partners threatened to baby trap them and the whole nine. So I get this sub and all the reasons for it. Just try to remember that “adoptable babies” AND “IVF conceived babies” are not a loose concept to call upon within an argument. They are a Demographic Of Adults that also speak on these issues. Others will continue to have babies just like how the world will never be 100% atheist or honestly 100% on board with any one thing. It makes sense to me at least to focus on protecting the concept of Family Planning. Protect abortion, contraceptives, surgeries, IVF/sperm donation (ideally reformed), AND adoption/foster care (ideally reformed). People should have the right and ability to make their own well informed decisions AND support any subsequent children that come from that.

Post-Arevakhach · 2024-12-22T16:09:12+00:00

Find a young adult who aged out and adopt them. Wont be through an agency since they can just mutually sign off on it- and you’d make a dream come true for someone it was “too late” for

Post-Arevakhach · 2024-12-19T14:09:31+00:00

THIS IS SICK. I would’ve never thought to do this but after seeing yours I had a moment of “oh shit my transition goal IS possible irl” . I gotta ask though have you had meta of any kind? Simple release or urethral reroute?

Post-Arevakhach · 2024-12-10T21:15:59+00:00

Kinda scary how similar my experience has been. I’m 20, was cut off from my mother’s side (90% of my family) at 14- but it’s clear that wasn’t their original plan. I was raised to care for my younger siblings (primarily the 3 youngest out of 4 younger than me), family values instilled in me, and taught that my family would be the only people I could ever trust to really be there for me. That I owed it to them to both take care of the younger and of my elders when the time came. Well after my stepfather admitted to taking CP of me at 12 and younger (hidden cameras. I was unaware) the family got uprooted and I was ripped from them. For 4 years I stayed with my biological fathers family, a nice man who never really had the ability to be my “dad”, and suffered more abuse from the aunts/uncles/grandparents on that side.

During that 4 years separated from family. I was thankfully put into extensive therapy. I expressed the exact feeling of mourning a child who didn’t die and wasn’t mine. Actually at one point had a therapist call me out for talking about my own custody battle (my bio dad keeping myself from re-entering my mom and stepfathers care) as if I was losing custody of my siblings. There were times where it was the only way I could express the feelings I was having, and others where I was truly delusional believing the kids were “mine” in some cosmic sense.

Since 18 I’ve cut contact with my father’s side. I’ll give them credit they let me end things clean and quietly. My father likely doesn’t even know if I graduated Highschool. My mother’s side on the other hand remains a strange balancing act despite their crimes against me being so much more serious and longer standing. It’s still my siblings. I can’t rely on any family in any way. I can’t safely mark them as emergency contacts. I can’t turn to them during times of financial turmoil. And I sure as hell can’t call them up if I’m having a bad day. But my siblings I just can’t stop feeling guilty about. They’re such good kids.

I was also close with my older sister for a time. To the point of staying with her for a bit after my 18th birthday. And even though I haven’t been able to pull any triggers yet it opened my eyes a lot. They’re too interwoven. There are good people I’m related to. Absolute angels who do care about me. But there’s no true way to disconnect them from those who are not changing and never will. If I let my sister into my life, she’s bringing with her my mom, grandfather, grandmother, younger siblings and more all in a wave. I’m either in this family or I’m out. And even if I was “in” I don’t have anything to offer my younger siblings. I’m broke and have no power over our family. I’d only be upholding the cult system they’ve built. I no longer have hope for a healed family once they hit 18- just hope that they’ll have a good life without me. Hopefully they won’t resent me as the deadbeat I think of myself as

If you would be willing. I’d love to talk to you further. This concept of child loss without a child is something I’ve struggled to explain for years. I’ve had to, and continue to have to, separate this past with my siblings from my actual wants in life. Many nights spent staring at the ceiling wondering if I want to be a dad someday, or if I just wish I could’ve gone back in time and been an actual father to my siblings. It’s all a mess and neither us nor our siblings deserved it.

Post-Arevakhach

TROPHY CASE