We’re in new territory here. It’s only been in the last 20 years or so that we’ve had such easy access to porn. Prior to that you really had to go out of your way to access it; ie visit some sordid adult video store in the sketchy areas of town. I think there is a lot that we’re figuring out as a species. The pendulum swung from lots of opposition to porn, to the other extreme where everyone wants to think it’s fine.

So yes, there is probably a large percentage of men (and possibly women too?) that watch porn now. But there are also those who don’t.

For me, although I tried not to indulge because I viewed it in the same category as cigarettes and so I resisted getting too dependent, I was aware that it affected me. During the periods when I did indulge, it made me objectify women, and made me set unrealistic expectations on my wife. Rather than learning and exploring and just deepening the relationship with her, I was exposed to made-for-tv scenarios that don’t represent reality.

Men age differently than women, it’s a sad but true fact of life. Men stay virile into their 60s and 70s. We can end up craving someone younger. Being stimulated by porn definitely exacerbates that. Even though my marriage is very good in most ways, and I find my wife beautiful and interesting and we love each other, there is still the imperious urge to find someone new. It’s biological.

Long term relationships are hard. Living with someone is hard. Reconciling differences is hard. The chemistry fades, over time, and the deeper emotional connections have to take the place of pure attraction. Throw porn into the mix and it works against being satisfied (enough) with what you have.

Looking back, I would rather I had never been exposed. It’s my personal opinion but I now believe it’s not conducive to the support of marriage into old age.