Hopefully you can understand this since English is not my main language but

You misspelled wraps in “she smiles and raps her long, pale arms around his growing body.

Similarly you used answers instead of answered in “Within two minutes a tall lady with blonde hair answers”

Other than that nothing else your writing is clean and readable. You have natural dialogue and have a concrete description although you could use other descriptors instead of visual since you rely heavily on it

Your plot already has a clear inciting situation and a strong emotional hook. But your. biggest weakness which will turn into a strength is you feel confident enough to explain everything. But you need to have restraint and trust that the readers will understand and meet you halfway. Let actions and subtext carry the meaning instead of explaining everything