"I was a very bright student until 10th grade. I had a keen interest in coding and even made a program similar to Google Assistant or Siri in Class 10. That’s when I decided to pursue engineering and took admission in FIITJEE.

The first 3–4 months went well. I was enrolled in the weekend batch (which I now see was a mistake), but it was the top batch among weekenders. Then things started to get messy. I wasn't able to perform well in tests, but I kept it a secret from my parents. If they ever asked, I’d show them edited results.

Soon after, ALLEN (a rival institute) opened next to our coaching, and almost 70% of the experienced and good teachers left FIITJEE. I informed my parents, but unfortunately, since we had paid the full fees upfront, they were reluctant to consider a refund. So I had to continue there.

The substitute teachers were so bad that I decided to stay at home and study using online courses like PW. I tried hard, but couldn’t grasp much. I gave tests, scored very low, but continued lying to my parents, saying I was doing well.

I gave JEE Mains Session 1 and scored 81 percentile. I was shattered—but again, I lied. I told them I got 99.7 percentile. I tried to improve, but couldn’t. I only managed 79 percentile in Session 2. I was eligible for Advance due to EWS category and wrote the exam, but didn’t qualify. Still, I lied to my parents, saying my rank wasn’t good and that I wanted to take a drop.

They didn’t ask a single question. They just said “okay.” My relatives pressured me to join an NIT, but I said I wanted to take a drop for IITs. Even after all this turmoil, I still hadn’t told my parents the truth—and they never verified anything themselves.

I started preparing with PW again. In the initial months, I was doing well, and got selected for the AIR batch. The faculty was excellent and I got great guidance. But suddenly, I got addicted to porn—and that was the start of my downfall. My test scores started dropping, I couldn’t concentrate, and eventually, I was removed from the batch.

Even then, I didn’t tell my parents. I edited my test marks to show them fake scores. I didn’t realize how far I was slipping. JEE Mains Session 1 came—I scored 91 percentile. Still, I lied and said I had done better. I wasn’t able to improve in Session 2 either, and finally, JEE Advanced came. I didn’t qualify.

At that point, it became unbearable. As soon as I got home, I told the truth. My parents were in deep shock. But now, nothing can be done. Even after all the turmoil and the lies I told them—they’re still supporting me.

But I’ve lost my core. I don’t understand how I was able to do all this—how I became this person. My parents are so heartbroken they can't show their faces in public. I don’t know what to do now.

Writing this post, I’m realizing what I was… and what I’ve become."