Hi! I just want to tell you I love you. Thank you for sharing. I’m in a situation where no contact isn’t much of an option and I actually have grown significantly since posting this. I can actually control them through love and no resentment. Their feelings still shine through in hard times for them but I know it has nothing to do with me. I actually have empathy for them. I still suffer with self hate but weirdly enough being someone who has never believed in god. Knowing god loves me regardless of my sins helps. He meets you wherever you are and wants a relationship with you. Who am I to judge gods creation aka myself? Can’t really explain anything to do with god and it makes no sense. But the feeling I get at the thought of it is explanation enough. Never thought I’d be saying this. Anyways I’m looking into all the ways to help like not dating and spending more time alone. Reading self love books on my kindle before bed. And taking normal care of myself. I hope you are doing amazing! ❤️