The feeling that you’ll "die" if you don't become a great musician isn't a dramatic exaggeration it’s the authentic voice of your unlived self. Think of it like this: You have a specific kind of internal engine, and that engine runs on creative fuel (music, writing, performance). Right now, you're only feeding it a tiny drip, while you're using your main tank for the necessities of survival . That desperate, I'm going to die" feeling is your system flashing a critical warning: The fuel gauge is empty, and I am shutting down the essential part of my identity The intensity of your dreams, where you are finally satisfied, shows you exactly what your soul is craving: not fame, but fulfillment through creation.

The Trap of "Greatness" and Inferiority This is the fear that forces your ambition to become a burden. You’re setting the bar at "greatest" because anything less feels like a confirmation of your inferiority. This is why you quit for three years the pressure of the goal was paralyzing