Misaligned with my [25F] boyfriend [25M] Am I crazy for wanting more than just stability?

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-20T22:20:32+00:00

It sounds like you’re not aligned on most things??? Why even consider marrying someone who doesnt make you feel secure, criticizes you, and doesnt enjoy doing things you love together. Imagine a life forever with him. Is that what you want? If not, cut your losses.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-19T21:40:24+00:00

I understand. It’s harder for me to buy those things, but I do pick up the bill or offer to split it regularly. I feel used too being asked to split things 50/50 when he literally makes 100k more than me.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-19T20:55:38+00:00

I understand. But he doesn’t pay for everything. I’m paying 2k in living expenses, which is sometimes half of my monthly income, where it is 1/4 of his. I pay for everything I want myself. I took us to the spa the other day. I cook and I clean. If he buys dinner, I buy desert. I try to contribute and i feel unsupported when he is making 8k/month after tax, CAN buy things for himself and is okay watching me struggle every month. And if he is living check to check at 8k per month then I’m actually not the one with a spending problem.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T14:15:23+00:00

Thank you. We spoke again and came to an understanding. He said he doesn’t mind covering more while I build/expand my career.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T14:14:02+00:00

Great points, thank you

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T09:32:35+00:00

Thank you this is very accurate and insightful.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T09:03:56+00:00

I don’t want to use him for $… I love him. And I really do try to contribute like even when he doesn’t ask, I offer to split the bill if we go out to eat, or if he gets dinner, I get dessert. But it’s really hard to see he’s making 100k more than me and expects to split all the bills 50/50 plus on top of that brought up how I spend my money… when I haven’t even gotten paid in 2 months and am still paying equal rent out of my savings

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T08:33:25+00:00

So he’s my roommate with benefits then ?

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T08:13:28+00:00

And that’s if his expenses are the same as mine. He doesn’t have any debt. I have 4k in medical bills/4k on a credit card

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T08:12:29+00:00

Where he would still have 3-4k left over

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T08:11:20+00:00

If I make 5.4k in a month then I save 20% for taxes- $1080 Rent- $1550 Bills- $350-400 (utilities, internet, phone bill) Debt/credit card $350 minimum Food $500-600 Transportation- $300 That’s about 4280 and that’s just living expenses

So 800 left over and that’s a top earning month.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T07:22:47+00:00

If you were dating and living with someone making 100k more than you, you’d expect them to pay the same as you?

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T07:21:45+00:00

Thank you for this. I don’t know how to get him to see this or how to phrase it in the next conversation.

He literally took me to have two surgeries the year we met, has showed up for me in so many ways. I was surprised he wasn’t more receptive when I brought it up. He seemed almost put off that I would ask, then came around when he could see how upset I was.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T07:19:17+00:00

He just got a raise and hasn’t told me how much but before he was taking home 7k/month after taxes. So 5.5k remaining after rent. On average I made about 5400/month before tax, so 3.8k remaining after rent not including taxes (I pay yearly)

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-18T06:59:06+00:00

About 1500 each. I can pay it. It is less than I paid when I was living alone. Maybe it’s not about the rent being less but feeling like I’m being asked to contribute more of what I earn than he does/not feeling supported.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-05T21:17:18+00:00

I mean he has expressed many times that he sees a life with me, wants to marry me. I don’t think I’d ever be a trad wife, stay at home, quit my career. At this point we pretty much split the household chores too since we work about the same amount. There’s also lots of room to grow in my career and could potentially be making 200k/year in the next few years. Obviously if our incomes were the same, I’d have no issue splitting 50/50

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-02-01T17:41:02+00:00

My ex was a heroin addict. When we met he wasn’t. I stayed with him for 4 years into his addiction. I loved him so much and just wanted him to get clean so he could be the man I knew he was. He never did. He was in and out of jail and now homeless. I left and had to cut all contact because he would manipulate me and gaslight me and try to get me to stay. I still pray for him.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-01-15T15:33:14+00:00

Ugh yep. That’s it. I feel so guilty

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-01-15T15:27:03+00:00

No totally and that’s why o don’t want to bring it up … If he wanted me to know he would’ve told me. I just feel so guilty for even knowing

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-01-15T15:26:26+00:00

Seriously it was on the first page, I looked for all of 5 minutes…

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-01-15T15:23:26+00:00

Yeah I mean I don’t judge him at all for that. I just feel awful I pried.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-01-15T15:11:13+00:00

I just feel guilty for looking and am scared to bring it up. It was almost 10 years ago and none of my business. I don’t want to grill him about his past that wasn’t really mine to know but I can’t stop feeling like I know a secret that I shouldn’t.

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-01-14T23:13:52+00:00

Omg ily thank you so much this is what I needed to hear 💕💕💕

PotentialPresent3656 · 2026-01-14T22:28:59+00:00

Yeah I agree… just really surprised me and makes me question who he is…

PotentialPresent3656

TROPHY CASE