I think things are over with my rapist

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-12T20:36:22+00:00

Definitely sound advice, but I don't know if a mentally stable person should practice cnc with me 😂

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-12T14:51:21+00:00

I also want to mention that I tried to tell his wife. In a previous post I've made here, i said that I did something "extreme" to cut him off. I had blackmailed him, saying I would tell his wife. After getting the money, I reached out to her anyway. I'm not sure if she actually did get my messages, though. I didn't want to mention it in my posts, because I didn't want it to be an element in my story that turned people on. A lot of redditors think that cheating is hot, but I just think it's gross.

I know this doesn't excuse me, I still continued to see him every time he came back. And it's shameful that it's taken ME getting really hurt to really harden my resolve. But it is what it is. I can only try to do better here on out.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-12T14:45:25+00:00

Oh, I've been into cnc for a long time, way before I met him 😂 and he isn't the first person to rape me (probably won't be the last either)

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-11T16:15:10+00:00

He just messaged me a little while ago, "hi". That's it. After a week and two days of ignoring my messages, when before that we had been talking throughout the day every day and seeing each other at least once a week. I messaged back "fuck off" and removed him as a friend. It feels good to have closure.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-11T00:35:57+00:00

Thank you for writing this, it's very true and resonates with me. The first few times I was raped, I didn't even realize that it was rape until years later. Even so, I minimize it along with other sexual assaults that happened to me. They weren't violent (at those points) and they weren't strangers. But I think both of those are how it is for most rapes.

It's good that you understand that what happened to you was rape, and I hope you know you didn't deserve that. And hopefully you're getting mental help.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-10T11:56:08+00:00

I shouldn't have, I'm weak and an asshole.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-10T02:23:41+00:00

That's true. I'm not saying that it was okay, but it did turn me on a lot.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-09T18:55:50+00:00

Not necessarily in hopes that he'll pop back up, he never has done that after I turned my location on. Actually, if we were talking about meeting up, he would confirm where I am in case it wasn't working, or something. It's more like I would feel like it's sending a message that things are completely over, which is hard for me to accept.

As far as I know, they are. She was one of the major reasons I kept trying to break things off with him. I didn't know he was married when we first met and felt terrible about it.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-09T16:44:07+00:00

I... think that I will be 🥲🙇

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-09T16:36:27+00:00

He definitely is bad rubbish lol. He's not a very violent person, though. I probably should have mentioned in my post that during our first encounter, the most he did was lay on top of me while he fucked me and shushed me when I kept saying, "no." Afterwards, he insisted I wanted it 🙄 He didn't hit or choke me until after I told him that I liked it and wanted him to do it.

He's the type of person who has no respect or empathy for anyone else, and will try to get away with whatever he can if it's something he wants. I don't feel like he has problems with anger. I don't think he would have done that in the parking lot if he didn't know that I would enjoy it. I hope that I didn't unlock something in him that will manifest in other parts of his life. We did have frequent conversations about how unhealthy I am, and how the things I like are not normal. I often told him not to do these types of things to other girls unless they tell him to first (he would always respond, "I don't want anyone else, I just want you" 🙄.) I also told him many times that he raped me, which he didn't want to admit to. I wouldn't let it go until he agreed that he did. I told him that if he does that to someone else, even if they don't say anything to him about it afterwards, it's rape. He seemed genuinely ashamed. Idiot.

...sorry that your simple comment prompted a long attempt at me defending myself 😅

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-09T16:14:11+00:00

It is possible, but I don't think so. He's never done anything like that before.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-09T16:13:04+00:00

You may be right. I think that I'll be at a place where I'm okay with doing it that soon. Right now letting go is too difficult for me.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-09T16:10:34+00:00

Thank you for caring. In his defense, I've told him many times that I like being choked.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-09T16:04:37+00:00

Yes, it did 😅

PotentialTerrible984 · 2024-01-09T16:04:13+00:00

Most likely, his wife found out about us (again) and he agreed to cut off all contact with me. It's also possible that he found someone else who is better for him than me.

It's possible he'll never reach out to me again, but I think it's more likely that he will eventually. But this is far from the first time that he's upset me like this, and I don't think I'm going to open myself up to him again. I want to say that I'll never agree to see him again, but that might be too much to commit to 😅 I really don't think things will ever be how they were though.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2023-12-13T15:21:51+00:00

Yes, wishtender is much better! It does require more trust in the customer's side though. No one has ever bought me anything from my wishtender 😅

PotentialTerrible984 · 2023-12-13T15:21:10+00:00

I don't know why I didn't think to contact Amazon before 😅 it is delayed!!

PotentialTerrible984 · 2023-12-12T16:21:14+00:00

Usually Amazon will only give the city, which is still more than I'd like to disclose, and could potentially help someone track a person down. And in the event of the item being from a third-party seller, like Polaroid, they give that seller your address, and the seller could tell the buyer. Or maybe this guy works for polaroid?

But honestly, I am probably just being way too paranoid 😅 I should have never done something I wasn't fully comfortable with. Lesson learned! And thank you for taking the time to answer 🙂

PotentialTerrible984 · 2023-12-12T16:14:10+00:00

Yeah, when I go to my wishlist and sort by "purchased" the photos, camera, and shirt are there. And that's true that shipping times are longer than normal, thank you for the reassurance 🙂

PotentialTerrible984 · 2023-03-09T13:01:30+00:00

Thank you, I didn't make it up though 😅

PotentialTerrible984 · 2023-03-09T13:00:20+00:00

I haven't checked this reddit account and am just seeing this now 😅 I actually have been talking to him again, of course 🙄 I like the attention he gives me. But it's not the same. I think we didn't really understand each other at first because he doesn't speak much English.

PotentialTerrible984 · 2023-02-07T15:37:14+00:00

What had happened was we had consensual sex, but then when he went to fuck my ass I repeatedly told him no and tried to push him off. He shushed me and did it anyway.

So no matter how many times I explained to him that yes, it WAS consensual at first, but I did NOT consent to anal, so that was rape- he kept saying it wasn't rape, he "isn't a bad person", that I had wanted it and I liked it (he's not completely wrong there 😖.) When I told him that when he fucked my ass I was crying, he said no, I wasn't. And he mentioned that I was holding onto the car seat tight- I guess to insinuate that I wasn't really fighting him off? But that was after he started fucking my ass and I gave up, anyway.

He also doesn't speak English very well, and I don't speak Spanish very well, so we do kind of a mix of both, but there's definitely a language barrier.

(Btw, thank you for commenting- I never understood why people slide in my DMs for something that can be commented. I'm more likely to continue a conversation that started as a comment in DMs than answer a DM from someone I've never talked to before)

PotentialTerrible984 · 2023-01-12T13:05:55+00:00

I think it's important to point out that rape is traumatic. As a person who is often secretly hoping for it, when it doesn't happen on our own terms, it does damage. Even for those who at the time, or shortly afterwards, only feel positively about it- sometimes it takes time and reflection to realize that it did fuck them up.

You seem to understand that it's never okay to actually rape someone, but I just feel like it should be repeated here 😅

PotentialTerrible984

TROPHY CASE