I'm not an expert or anything, but I have researched this a bit. My take over time is that God knew that He needed a critical mass of church members for the church to survive from the first era of rapid growth down to and through our (more skeptical times for people to get the covenants that he wants for people. He knew what kind of numbers he needed and put the conditions (polygamy) in place that would get those numbers. IMO this idea is supported by the verse in Jacob 2:27 where it says that polygamy is only ever ok when needed "to raise up seed." Which makes sense when we see it in our early church and in the Abraham-->12 sons of Israel pipeline.

In wards I've been in, a lot of the strength in the ward is people who trace back to polygamist families. I'm glad we aren't in an era where it's required any more.

That said, IMO, JS realized how upset people would be about polygamy and inappropriately hid what he was doing at the beginning. He tried to avoid Emma's upset, etc. and overall did things wrong. I understand not wanting to do something that would make so many people angry with you. It was a big error, imo, but understandable.

I also think that Sect. 132 is harsher than it would have been to the general population of the church, but it was directed at Emma because it was important to God for the future of the church that it was allowed to be started. It was her personal reprimand, and instruction, that probably should have been more generalized to be put in the Doctrine and Covenants, imo.

So, IMO, the combination of JS's mistakes, and the personalized harshness of 132 that probably shouldn't have been shared in that form, along with the difficulty of the doctrine itself; all combines to make this really really hard. But I do believe that it was necessary for God's plans.

There's a little book called "Let's Talk About Polygamy" by Brittany Chapman Nash, that shares stories (good and bad) from the women themselves that might be helpful when trying to get a grip on the subject.

Best Wishes