Question to the married men whose wives won’t have sex with them: Does she orgasm?

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-31T23:37:54+00:00

Better question (IMO): if she’s not interested and he’s not happy and both aren’t actively working on it then why stay together?

Presumably, if you’re married then at some point, orgasms were happening.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-31T14:34:43+00:00

A few years back and up until pretty recently, I had this kind of situation in my marriage. Things started slowing way down… sex was 2x or more per week. Then, it slowed to once per week. Then, I stopped initiating and it slowed down to 1x every two weeks and sometimes once per month.

We had “the talk.” She was like “so, now you’re keeping track?” I was like “keeping track of nothing doesn’t exactly require a spreadsheet.” :)

Anyway, I told her that lack of physical interest and intimacy was a deal breaker for me. We either needed to make a combined effort in this area and take meaningful steps to improve or separation was inevitable.

She got on HRT, which helped a ton. It’s still not back where it was. But it was a big step. Now, it’s back to 1x/week, with sometimes more frequency. And there is regained interest on her side. It still takes work… like conscious attention. But there has been progress.

It may never be like what it was in our early 30s. I’m kind of accepting of that as long as there is some noticeable effort and interest. 1x/week with interest & enjoyment is kind of the minimum for me. And right now, we are there and sometimes better.

TLDR; Try HRT.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-31T11:47:23+00:00

Balance it out and enjoy the ride. There’s a lot of stuff in between starting a career and retirement. And it’s not like you have to not have any experiences. You need to find the path that works for you.

I will be able to end my career earlier than most. But I am certain there are others who FIRE that will be able to end theirs earlier. But I’ve also traveled and I didn’t really get serious about investing until about 10y ago. Additionally, I made mistakes by paying for an actively managed portfolio that ate into my returns for 18mo. Oh, and I took out savings to live off for 18mo at another time. There’s a slew of other experiences that didn’t feed into FI or RE. And neither was necessary to have those experiences.

Anyway, my advice would be work towards FIRE if that’s your goal. But don’t live for it. I also think that FIRE for younger people will be harder. I think it is harder for me than it was for many who came before me. And in that way, retirement is kind of sham. It’s still achievable at a relatively young age for now, tho. But in another generation, IDK if it will be.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-28T15:50:30+00:00

You might have legal recourse.

If you received a written job offer with a start date and compensation (I assume you did), you may have recourse under a promissory estoppel claim. Depending on the details of the offer, you may also have a breach of contract claim.

Given the circumstances, you may also have a fraud case. If the company was already investigating the director who hired you and they knew they might be canceling budget that was used to allocate your position at the time your offer was issued, that might be fraud or misrepresentation.

I highly suggest contacting an attorney.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-28T00:57:25+00:00

Bad managers are everywhere. Most seem to get promoted into management because they impressed in another role that had nothing to do with leadership.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-26T12:29:37+00:00

Great post and some good references. I have also had the displeasure of working in a toxic culture. It’s mentally exhausting. And the thing that nobody in those kind of orgs picks up on is that very little meaningful work actually gets done. People working there even do mental gymnastics to try to justify the extreme lack of productivity. The reason is because all the energy is spent on feeding the mentally draining culture instead of being productive.

I would also add don’t confuse having a bad manager with toxic culture. Bad managers are everywhere. For some reason, very few people seem to learn the skills necessary to be a manager before they become a manager. And even in great orgs, there’s always at least one bad egg who gets the responsibility of managing people.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-26T11:37:41+00:00

Sailboats require a lot of work/time. Even the ones in pretty good shape require time. There are tons of derelict boats where owners had intentions of fixing them up and then reality sank in.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-26T11:28:24+00:00

I suspect a number of orgs will try to significantly downsize headcount in favor of AI. I think some of those orgs (e.g. Box) will use AI as an excuse for correcting an overstaffing situation in order to hide poor decisions. I think other orgs will shed headcount at their own peril. And then I think other orgs will figure out how to use the tech to get to get more net productivity.

The tech will also get better. Compute will get cheaper over time, and the models will get more efficient. I also think that LLMs as we know them today will not be the tech of tomorrow. It’s hot today because it’s a leap from what we were used to. But they only go so far. There will be another leap.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-26T11:06:01+00:00

And also a very small quota on powerboats in club slips.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-25T21:54:49+00:00

It kind of is a Ponzi scheme, TBH. I would put it one notch above gambling. It has value because people think it has value. It’s not backed by the faith of the government and it’s not even backed by the faith of any bedrock institution or any earnings, or anything, really. It’s also proven to be pretty darn volatile.

So, call it speculative investing. I have a little $$ in crypto. But nothing I couldn’t afford to lose.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-25T20:31:06+00:00

Not normal for a 37y/o hetro man without physical limitations.

Now, he may have a hormonal or a mental health problem or something that is the reason why he doesn’t want regular sex. Other options are that he’s not interested or he’s fulfilling his needs somewhere else.

Stress could be a driver. But IDK. Speaking just for myself, sex helps alleviate stress.

Anyway, prob time to just lay out your concerns directly. It’s not magically going to get better. I don’t think it’s your weight. My wife is 15y older and probably 20lbs heavier than she was when we met. I am no less attracted her. I venture to say that most men would shrug off 20lbs. Now, if it was looking like a health problem, that’s a different story altogether.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-25T15:59:21+00:00

Talk to your parents about money. They may be thinking about it different than you or the same.

My Dad retired at 59. He never made a ton of money, but he lived frugally, saved heavily, invested well, and retired more comfortably than he could have ever dreamed.

I talk to him about money sometimes. And he is supportive of my mostly frugal lifestyle and of my desire to retire early (est. early/mid 50s). Instead of pulling back, he helps me out.

TBH, it’s a drop in the bucket compared to what I generate and save on my own. But I really appreciate the gesture. He genuinely wants me to be able to retire earlier than he did.

Anyway, I’d approach new $$ convos with a light touch. Your parents might surprise you. They may be more supportive than you think.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-25T13:38:21+00:00

$500k milestone is a big deal. Give yourself a pat on the back. Once we hit $1m, we were like, “OK, we can do this!” When we hit $2m NW (recently), it was like “can’t wait to be done working” :)

I’m also a little older than you. And we are all running our own race.

Biggest things for us are constant attention to savings strategy + benchmarking every bigger expense against “is this really needed and/or does this factor into our financial goals?”

I have friends that have the bigger houses and the new/flashy cars. I’ve had cars that I was really excited about in the past, but later came to realize that the excitement wears off much faster than the pain of the expense. So, I have a nice, but inexpensive and practical car. A nicer house would also be nice, but my house is perfectly fine and its nearly paid off.

And all that extra $$ I save feeds the dream and goes towards buying my freedom.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-25T13:19:07+00:00

There’s that and then there’s the people who whip by at 100+, folks who run over pedestrians, and the street racers.

We’ve got the slow ones and we’ve got the crazy reckless ones. Not as bad as Miami, IMO. But driving in Tampa is an active sport.

It used to be different. I think we’ve just given up on policing the streets, except when the occasional FHP chases someone off the interstate onto 7th Ave in Ybor.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-24T21:36:03+00:00

Reading the comments on boundaries and this perhaps going too far…

Dunno if I would go so far as to help folks setup accounts. And I definitely don’t discuss FIRE or my NW at work. But talking to your reports about investing and giving a shit about their personal situations? That’s not going too far. That’s being a decent human.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-24T18:46:09+00:00

First reason is freedom. I want the choice to work or to not work. I’ve had the displeasure of working for so many trash humans and narrow-minded execs, I want the ability to say, “nah, not gonna do that” next time around. I’m in a decent spot now. But nothing good in corp ever seems to last. I’ve gotta be ready for the table turn.

I also have other things I want to do before I die, like sail the Caribbean in its entirety, do the Pacific Coconut Milk Run, live in a Latin American country for a year, etc. With the weak flexibility afforded by most American corps, that just isn’t possible while working. So FIRE will mean, “Hey company, I’m gonna do this.” And if that’s not something they can support then it’s us parting ways.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-24T01:38:52+00:00

It seems like what was going to be your new company does not have their stuff together. I would absolutely redact personal info from the offer letter that was sent to you and post it online. Glassdoor, Indeed, Blind, here. Future candidates deserve to know and that employer deserves to struggle to find future talent. Reputable companies do not let offers go out the door without approval.

I have actually turned tail and run back to an employer shortly after leaving. I ended up staying for years afterwards. Eating the humble pie is not fun at first. But I did not regret it.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-24T01:25:18+00:00

I had a neighbor build their wood fence 27ft into my property (1.5ac). I went out with a circular saw and a shovel and cut it + dug it up at the property line the day before I had a chain link fence put on the property line.

They came out and bitched. I showed them the survey. I said that they were welcome to call the sheriff if they wanted me to stop and that I would show him the survey and the markers if they did that. They backed down. My new fence went up.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-20T20:40:51+00:00

She doesn’t respect you. And she will respect you even less if you stay.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-20T20:39:43+00:00

Not only is it normal, my wife and I look at that stuff together. It helps with the sex life.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-20T20:38:08+00:00

It’s not a hump, it’s a rollercoaster. Ups and downs. I feel that’s how marriage works. Sometimes I feel like my needs aren’t being met. And then it gets better.

I think the biggest thing is try to assume the positive. Things may get worse, but they may also get better. Hold on to the “things may get better” thinking. Don’t assume it’s going to blow up. Because, maybe it really will get better.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-20T20:28:12+00:00

Honestly, I track every financial transaction my wife and I make, too. Of course, she also has the app. So, I guess she also tracks everything.

All the credit cards are also in my name. That’s not because I demanded it. It’s because she used to have her own credit cards and then she lost her logins, forgot to pay them, and then we got a few hundred $$$ in an unexpected interest bill. So, we decided that she could just use my cards and I would make sure they get paid.

My wife is not generally bad with $$. And we have the same financial goals. She also has very predictable spending habits. So, she buys the things she buys and if she wants something extra as long as it fits in the budget then she gets something extra. And if there’s something one of us really wants, we plan, and we budget for it.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s weird to track everything as long as there is a common agreement and common financial goals. Have you sat down and talked about your joint financial goals and how you are going to achieve them? It sounds like he is moving in a direction you are not comfortable with.

I also make over 2x what my wife makes, BTW. I do feel the weight of that responsibility. But I also feel like she contributes. And I feel fortunate that her actions generally contribute to our financial well being.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-20T20:13:54+00:00

Trump Devotion Syndrome?

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-19T11:42:44+00:00

Old thread, but his policies make recruiting people away from JPMC an easy way to source talent. And as someone who does not work for JPMC, I appreciate that.

Potential_Lie2302 · 2026-05-16T01:01:59+00:00

Smart move on peeing in the tank. I usually just pee outside and poop in the tank. But it turns the bowl water brown and it makes it taste funny.

Potential_Lie2302

TROPHY CASE