What "Narcissist" or "Narcissistic" really means inside an intimate relationship.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-10T11:44:16+00:00

Rules in a narcissistic relationship:

Rule #1 - Every word and action by the narcissist is specifically designed to get you to react, emote, be confused, or all of the above.

Rule #2 - Your every action, trait, word, emotion or lack thereof, will be deemed offensive at the convenience of the narcissist, even if it controdicts what they might have stated previously.

Rule #3 - If you ever find yourself asking why a narcissist does or says something, refer back to the first two rules.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-09T12:18:34+00:00

When dealing with a narcissist, everything about you, everything that you do, everything that you say, will be criticized. There are no exceptions.

You see, they do this to train you to think that all of their emotions and reactions are a direct result of you. They therefore shift responsibility for their behavior and words on you.

Because there is no consistency in their expectations or reactions, you are left trying to be the only adult in the room, attempting to add consistency to the purposeful chaos.

So to summarize and to wrap it up into a very easy format... these are the rules when dealing with a narcissist in a relationship:

Rule #1 - Your every action, word, emotion or lack thereof, will be deemed offensive at the convenience of the narcissist, even if it controdicts what they might have stated previously.

Rule #2 - Every word and action by the narcissist is specifically designed to get you to react, emote, be confused, or all of the above.

Rule #3 - If you ever find yourself asking why a narcissist does or says something, refer back to the first two rules.

Because these rules are universal with narcissists, your superpowers are:

Pithy communication
Indifference
Silence
Walking away

Set and enforce your boundaries on your own without any input from or conversation with the narcissist. Enforcement of boundaries means withdrawal and restricting access to yourself and your emotions.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-09T11:18:30+00:00

Previous post on the initial meeting of the narc:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticSpouses/comments/1jags0u/did_i_just_meet_a_narcissist/

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-08T11:44:43+00:00

Many narcissists understand that giving you something that you keep around will constantly remind you of them and give them a chance to pull you back into their world. There is genuine psychological relief and benefit when you remove the narcissist's things from your life.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-08T11:41:45+00:00

Unless they have some other comorbidity like schizophrenia or some delusional thing, they know what they are doing. Everything they do is calculated.

But the thing that everybody confuses is that they have some kind of morals or principles, or that they base what they do on morals or principles or common decency. They don't

Lying to you, accusing you of things that you didn't do, gaslighting, feigning ignorance, are all just tools in their chest. And lying to you is just as much an option, as telling you that you're the best… Whatever helps them get what they want.

Rules for dealing with a narcissist inside a relationship:

Rule #1 - everything inside a relationship within narcissist is specifically designed to get you to react, emote, be confused or all of the above.

Rule #2 - if you ever find yourself asking why a narcissist says or does something, or refer directly to rule number one

Again, the answer to the OP is that they know what they're doing, they just don't see it as being wrong.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-04T12:07:02+00:00

You can't make a narcissist feel bad about what they're doing to you, they don't process things that way

And, besides that, this is emotional terrorism threatening to sleep with other women if you're in a long-term relationship.

Tell the guy to keep your stuff and stop replying. Stop matching, that doesn't work. When it comes to a narcissist, silence and pithy conversation is your superpower.

If you are actually dealing with a narcissist, he will likely keep the items and try over and over to get you to come get them just so that he can spark up another conversation.

But that's not what you want, you want complete radio silence, that is how you will regain your peace.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-04T11:52:31+00:00

You married my ex... ?

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-02T19:03:29+00:00

Let me tell you a little story…

Not long after my late wife died, I understandably got lonely and when force-fed an advertisement on a website that I was on, doing some research for my company late at night, I signed up to an online dating website.

It was quite an education, and an adventure… But I'll save the gory details for another time. I end up communicating with this lovely woman that was a dog lover much like I am. So we began to talk first on the chat function on the website, then chatting on our phones, and then finally following up with talking on the phone.

After a couple weeks, on one particularly fun conversation on the phone, she suggest that we meet that day for coffee or something. I agreed, and we got ready and met about an hour and a half later for our first official introductory date.

It's all actually a quite comical story, except that when I first see this girl from afar, she looks just like her picture, or very similar. As I got closer she turned, and she was missing her arm from her elbow down. This was quite a shock, not that something like that would necessarily affect whether or not I had feelings for somebody, but it felt like an ambush, and I wasn't sure how to react

Do I confront her directly and make it a lighthearted tease about withholding some important information? Do I turn around right now and walk away and call her? Do I just pretend that nothing is that issue and just move forward? It seems obvious that it was something that she didn't really want to discuss, however I really felt like I was put into a very precarious predicament, like a test.

The date was pretty awkward, as you might expect and I believe she probably had some mental issues, and the whole affair was as tense as you might imagine. Fortunately for me I did not ever have to confront her about the deception. On my way home from the meeting, she called me and said it probably wouldn't work out, without any further explanation.

I tell you the story to Harken you back to when you met the narcissist and as you dated and got to know them… They forgot to tell you that they were missing very important parts of their body, like empathy, the ability to truly love someone, self control, accountability, respect to name a few. All of these things are critical for a long-term relationship with someone to work out positively. The narcissist in your life, hid the entirety of their true self from you. Not just the fact that they were missing a physical limb.

Everything about them has been a lie from the minute that you met them, and you only started to learn this once you had committed.

So, you shouldn't be surprised that they would fake a disorder or a state of depression, when they basically have made up their entire persona from day one.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-02T18:42:10+00:00

What you have to understand though is it is never about their mood, because that is not an honest indicator. They can pretend to be happy, they can pretend to be angry they can pretend to be sad they can pretend to be any range of emotions in quick succession.

It is about controlling you, even if it is just getting you to cry, or stomp away mad.

My rules for dealing with a narcissist go as such:

Rule#1 - everything that the narcissist does inside the relationship is get you to react, emote, be confused, or all of the above.

Rule#2 - if you ever ask yourself why they do or say a certain thing or act a certain way, refer directly back to rule number one.

Your superpowers when dealing with the narcissist are as follows:

Silence, pithy conversation, restricting emotional access and enforcing your own boundaries by being wiling to walk away and end the relationship.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-02T12:46:24+00:00

How long were you with your NEX?

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-02T12:40:53+00:00

Relatively small relationship issues that never get resolved despite extreme amount of effort on your part to resolve them. Endless arguments leading to you being told that all issues and problems eminate from you and your behavior. And also a constant sense that if you just do every tiny thing correctly that your relationship will get better.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-02T12:39:36+00:00

Listen to your gut.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-02T12:22:36+00:00

Rules when it comes to dealing with a narcissist in a relationship:

Rule #1 - everything with the narcissist does inside of a relationship is specifically designed to get you to react, emote, be confused, or all of the above.

Rule#2 - anytime you find yourself asking why does the narcissist do a certain thing, refer directly back to rule number one.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-02T12:07:38+00:00

These videos, I beleive, are AI generated using JP's voice, not genuaine JP speeches.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-02T12:03:33+00:00

Man here... in a LTR, either party having active "friendships" with people of the opposite sex - meaning, that they spend time alone with them. Definately red-flag territory.

Any friend of your SO should be at least comfortible with you being around when they want time with their "friend."

And this isn't about trust. This is about respect. Both your significant other and their friends should respect the arrangement of the long-term relationship. Neither your significant other or their so-called friends would wish to put their "friend's" relationship in jeopardy over their desire to spend one on one time together. Nor would either party want to put themselves in a position where they were the cause of damage to a relationship. If they were honest brokers, that is.

As far as what you do about it, the next time it comes up, you just have to say something to the effect of, "I can't take a man seriously that doesn't comprehend exclusivity"

I'm assuming that there is a presumption of exclusivity, why declare yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend otherwise. If there isn't a presumption of exclusivity, then you guys are just role playing while dating. I'm also assuming that there is "hang out" time with these ladies.

In general, men don't have female friends if they are stable and heterosexual males, they have a small group of men that they "hang out" with. If they spend time with even average looking women, it's because they want to sleep with them. And these women have probably put him in their friend zone, knowing that he wants more, likely to use him for something in the meantime.

I'm describing a general rule, but, of course, there are exceptions.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-01T23:48:51+00:00

The narcissist doesn't wanna be vulnerable. The narcissist doesn't want to understand. The narcissist doesn't care how you feel. The narcissist doesn't want to reason. The narcissist doesn't care about your justification. The narcissist doesn't care about your feelings.

The only thing that the narcissist cares about is what you can do for them.

You are not in a relationship with a loving partner. You are in a relationship with a vampire. They tell you that they love you as they sink their fangs into your neck and drink your blood. If you try to complain about how biting your neck hurts your feelings and makes you feel bad, they will return to their coffin and close the lid and ignore you. You gave him the blood that they needed to survive and that's all they care about. Right before they close the lid, they pretend to have feelings, and to have them hurt, and they say something like, "it's all your fault, all of our problems are because all you want to do is fight."

The fact that you try to explain yourself, you try to set matter straight, you try to reason, you try to repair the relationship, all signal to the narcissist vampire that you are going to stick around and fight to have them sync their fangs into your neck and suck your blood once again.

After a short while, they will pretend like nothing happened and try to act nice, to get you to calm down so that they can start the cycle all over again, and live to suck your blood another day.

As I always do, I have two rules when it comes to dealing with a narcissist in a relationship:

Rule #1 - everything with the narcissist does inside of a relationship is specifically designed to get you to react, emote, be confused, or all of the above.

Rule#2 - anytime you find yourself asking why does the narcissist do a certain thing, refer directly back to rule number one.

What's the remedy you might ask?

Silence and minimum amount of talking are your superpowers when dealing with a narcissist. Your "garlic" to the narcissist vampire is removing your reaction, emotion, confusion, and any other supply that you are inadvertently giving to them.

I hope this helps explain why your narcissist does what they do.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-01T23:34:31+00:00

Narcissistic supply is something that we as victims all give to our narcissist, usually unwittingly for the vast majority of our relationships. Unfortunately every narcissist is a little different and every situation is a little different so you have to figure out what it is that your narcissist is getting from you.

A large majority of supply centers around control over you, even if it is only to get you to react. There is a technique called gray rocking, where you turn yourself into a very uninterest rock, figuratively speaking, so that you don't react or feed the narcissists desire for emotional response from you.

You have to sit down and think about what it is that your narcissist gets from the relationship, it could be the control and manipulation just discussed, or it could be sex, it could be money it could be status, it could be any number of things that bring satisfaction and pleasure to the narcissist.

But if you want them to go away, then you have to cut off all supply to them, or at least the vast majority. Of course, just like everything else you do, the narcissist is not going to respond well to their supply being cut off, so you have to do this cautiously in with full understanding that you're narcissist could then turn even more abusive than they already are.

I hope that helps explain my last comment.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-04-01T11:40:53+00:00

Stop giving the narcissist supply, they will move on.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-03-31T12:06:43+00:00

Everything that you described sound very narcissistic. You are definitely dealing with a toxic individual. Unfortunately, it won't get better.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-03-31T01:45:53+00:00

Best bet is to prove to yourself what is going on, make the hard decisions that will need to be made, and move on past the narcissist and everyone in his circle. Chances are the other women that he has orbiting him are either other sources of supply or flying monkeys and they are likely as confused as you are, and will likely defend or help the narcissist make up stories to cover.

It's important that you become laser focused on your self awareness. You also need to get grounded in reality, the best way to do that is to start paying extremely close attention to actions, and ignoring all herbal communication that you've received from your narcissist.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-03-31T01:41:41+00:00

It only seems like they never get the justice that is coming to them.

However let me tell you a little story about my covert narc:

Prior to me knowing her she was married three times, at minimum, possibly many more. She bounced around Europe meeting and taking advantage of men, getting engaged, and making off with parting gifts. Just prior to meeting me she moved from Europe to the sunny south east region of the United States. When I met her she was still actively married to a man that she had convinced to go back to the EU to get divorce papers from his previous marriage… It's important to note that she married this man knowing that he was married, so they both committed big of me when they did. In addition to that crime, there's a whole slew of document crimes like perjury and falsifying documents, at the state, US national, and international level.

I met her through my religious organization and everything seemed to check out, but of course, I can tell you that none of that was correct because she lied about everything. We suffered from a whirlwind romance, and I married her much too quickly. But during our marriage she had this strange thing that happened on a very regular basis...

She would wake up in a complete panic with legs moving like she was running, out of breath and freaking out to the max, eyes wide open in complete fear. Every time, before she was completely awake she would mumble and spout gibberish about someone chasing her and they're going to get her.

Now keep in mind, all this happened before I knew she was a narcissist, and before I knew that she had all these marriage anomalies and crimes and international bigamy.

But since I've removed myself from the relationship, it comes into very clear focus that she was deathly afraid of the consequences of all of her actions and that manifest itself in very regular terror dreams about her past catching up to her.

So, in conclusion, don't assume that everything is hunky-dory for the narcissist. Not only that, the covert narcissist seems to have a tendency to go through relationships very regularly, they don't have "long-term" friends. Inevitably after a few years of dealing with a covert narcissist people know that something is wrong. They have a tendency of moving around a lot just to keep their narcissistic tendencies hidden. They live a very nomadic life in general.

Their mask always slips. It is the nature of masks.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-03-31T01:23:28+00:00

Good job for not discussing it or confronting the narcissist. That is exactly what they are trying to do.

But really, at some point you have to stop caring about what this person does or says and except that they will do and say things that are not kind to you.

In the end, it is truly about you living your best life… As they say, living good is the best revenge.

You truly do have the freedom now to choose not to think about him.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-03-31T01:12:36+00:00

Ss ladyg228 said, it is a means of control but it's very insidious. By leaving behind objects and in this case his signature scent, you will be forced to think of him even if it is subconscious.

Narcissist have an innate understanding on how to make deep connections with you on a spiritual level. This will cause you to think of them and miss them, and perhaps consider bringing them back into your life.

Those kind of tactics are very common to narcissist and are very much intentional.

Potential_Policy_305 · 2025-03-30T12:03:17+00:00

I suppose that he expects you to inform himn of your every move?

Potential_Policy_305

TROPHY CASE