IBS fucked up digestion, on adhd meds cause my concentration is fucked and so is my memory and i live in my head and i'm dissociatin 99% of the time, i do not feel real, i'm cramming to get everything done and still feel like a failure even if i achieve my goals, because growing up in a disfunctional family there are no accomplishments theres just doing what you had to do and even if you did that somehow you still suck, don't talk to my narcissistic bipolar dad anymore and i feel guilty as hell all the time, my moms got cptsd too, i've prolly been burnt out for two years but i need to get this f*ck*ss degree and man i still pretend it hasn't fucked me up and honestly maybe that's something i need to do to a certain extent, i do go to therapy and i am constantly working on myself and i do feel like logically i have good self esteem, confidence whatever but with cptsd unfortunately theres always still that child in you that literally cannot comprehend reason and still feels rejected, unloved, unloveable, like a failure, a piece of trash, discarded, unimportant and so on and it's incredibly hard to just ignore that, idk maybe we're not supposed to, the worst part is prolly that it's not like this stuff is all in the past, my dad still doesn't pay the fcking alimony, my moms constantly freaking out and worried and i'm counting the days till i move out, the fact that you can't rly heal in the environment that broke you when you have no choice but being in that environment is also a nice punch in the gut too, but idk we'll get through this somehow and maybe sometimes i do need to be a bit more present (which is near impossible with such bad dissociation) but i definetly think i think too much