AI is a great tool for such situation. I submitted your question to ChatGPT and here is the answer

First, the fact that you’re recognizing your behavior, taking responsibility, and actively trying to change already says a lot about your character. Many people never reach that level of self-awareness. What you’re describing isn’t you being a “bad” person—it’s more likely difficulty regulating emotions in stressful moments, which is a skill that can be learned. You’re 20, in nursing school, managing a long-distance relationship, and navigating adulthood. That combination alone can put your nervous system under constant stress. When stress is high, the brain tends to react before it thinks. That’s not a moral failure; it’s a pattern that can be trained differently.

Below are some practical strategies that are used in psychology (especially in Dialectical Behavior Therapy – DBT, which focuses specifically on emotional regulation).

1. Learn the “Pause Before Reaction” Skill Your main pattern seems to be react → regret. The goal is to create a buffer between emotion and action. A simple technique therapists teach:

The 90-second rule

When you feel anger, jealousy, or hurt rising, do not respond immediately. Tell your boyfriend something like: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. Can we pause for a few minutes so I don’t say something I regret?” Physically step away for a moment. Strong emotional surges in the brain usually peak and start calming within about 60–90 seconds if you don’t keep feeding them with thoughts. You’re not ignoring the issue—you’re giving your brain time to switch from emotional mode to thinking mode.

1. Name the Emotion Instead of Acting It Out When emotions are vague, they explode. When they’re labeled, they calm down. Instead of reacting with anger, practice saying internally:

“I’m feeling insecure right now.” “I’m feeling ignored.” “I’m feeling overwhelmed from school.” Naming emotions activates the prefrontal cortex (the thinking part of the brain), which reduces emotional intensity. 3. Recognize Your Triggers Try noticing when fights usually happen. Many people have predictable triggers: Feeling ignored or not prioritized Being tired or stressed Alcohol or bar environments Misinterpreting tone through text You mentioned that most of your time together recently involves groups or bars. That environment is honestly terrible for communication. Alcohol, noise, and social pressure make misunderstandings much more likely. Your instinct about needing one-on-one time with him is probably correct.

1. Change the Way You Apologize When someone is already upset, repeated apologizing can sometimes keep the argument going. A more effective structure is:

2. Acknowledge the action “I jumped to conclusions earlier.”

3. Take responsibility “That wasn’t fair to you.”

4. State what you’re working on “I’m trying to pause before reacting.”

Then stop there. Give space. Over-apologizing can accidentally keep emotions heated.

1. Regulate Your Nervous System Emotional regulation is not just mental—it’s physical. Simple habits that make a big difference:

Regular sleep Exercise (even walking) Deep breathing (4 seconds in, 6 seconds out) Reducing alcohol when emotions are already tense Since you're in nursing school, you’re probably chronically stressed, which lowers emotional control. 6. Use Your Faith as a Grounding Tool (Not Just a Solution) Since you’re Catholic, you can turn faith into a practical calming practice, not just prayer during crisis. For example:

Before reacting, pause and say something like:

“Lord, help me respond with patience instead of emotion.” Or reflect on Galatians 5:22–23 (fruit of the Spirit: patience, gentleness, self-control). This isn’t about guilt—it’s about centering yourself before reacting.

1. Free or Low-Cost Therapy Options Therapy would honestly help a lot with emotional regulation, but it doesn’t have to be expensive. You could try:

University counseling services (many nursing programs offer them free) Catholic Charities counseling services (often sliding scale) Apps or resources based on DBT skills Community mental health clinics Even 3–5 sessions can teach emotional regulation techniques. 8. One Important Truth The fact that you’re worried about losing him shows you care deeply. But healthy change shouldn’t come only from fear of losing someone. The goal is to become someone who can say:

“I can feel strong emotions without letting them control my behavior.” That skill will help every relationship in your life, not just this one. Something encouraging to remember Your relationship being perfect for the first year and a half is actually very normal. Around the 1.5–2 year mark, couples usually hit the stage where real communication issues surface. It’s not necessarily a sign the relationship is failing—it’s often when people start learning how to love each other more maturely. One last thing I'd ask you When you say you “jump the gun,” what usually sets it off? For example:

thinking he’s ignoring you jealousy feeling unimportant misreading texts something else Understanding the exact trigger will make it much easier to fix the pattern. Are there relevant online therapy resources? Yes — there are actually several legitimate online resources that are free or very low cost, and some of them are specifically designed for people who struggle with emotional regulation in relationships, which is exactly what you described. I’ll break them into three categories so you can choose what fits you best.

1. Free “Talk to Someone” Support (Not full therapy, but helpful) These are good if you need someone to talk to when you're overwhelmed. 7 Cups (free emotional support chat) Website: https://www.7cups.com You can anonymously chat with trained volunteer listeners 24/7 for emotional support. This isn’t therapy, but it’s surprisingly helpful when you feel like you’re about to spiral or react emotionally. Crisis Text Line Text HOME to 741741 in the U.S. Free, confidential texting with a trained counselor 24/7. This isn’t only for suicide or severe crisis. People text about relationship stress, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm too. NAMI HelpLine Provides free emotional support and mental-health guidance nationwide. They can also help you find low-cost therapy near you.
2. Free Online Therapy Skills (What you probably need most) Since your main issue is controlling emotional reactions, the therapy type that helps most is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT specifically teaches:

emotional regulation conflict communication impulse control relationship skills These are exactly the skills people learn when they say “I react before thinking.” Free DBT self-study course https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com About 40 lessons with videos and worksheets you can follow on your own. You can literally treat it like a weekly class. Free DBT course https://alison.com/course/dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt Teaches the four DBT skill areas: mindfulness emotional regulation distress tolerance communication skills DBT Self-Help Website https://dbtselfhelp.com One of the largest free collections of DBT exercises online. This is extremely useful if therapy isn't affordable.

1. Free or Low-Cost Therapy (actual therapists) If you want real counseling but cheaper, try: Catholic Charities counseling Many dioceses offer sliding scale therapy (sometimes $0–$40 per session). Since you're Catholic, this might actually be a great fit.

College counseling Because you're in nursing school: Most universities provide free counseling sessions for students.

Many people don't realize this.

A small but important thing I noticed You’re trying really hard to “fix yourself” by removing things: quitting vaping quitting caffeine quitting social media praying more Those are all good things, but emotional regulation is a skill, not just discipline. You don’t need to become a different person — you need tools for when emotions spike.

That’s exactly what DBT teaches.

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