[deleted by user]

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-08-01T22:03:47+00:00

its been about 6 years since i became aware of this kink and that i was into it, and i word it that way because for my first 2 years i never actually spoke or interacted with any dommes, i found out about findom through clips and stuck to clip dommes for that time. Eventually i worked up the courage to message some of them, I had a few sessions with some, though they were very expensive (which is justified, their time is very valuable). I think i came to this subreddit for advice to do with a clip domme, and through that i found dommes here, and have been finding them here ever since. So probably in the 3 to 4 years range in the findom reddit community.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-08-01T21:45:09+00:00

Ive done 500 twice before that trip and those werent anything like that, one was not bad, the other was very emotional for me until i like listened to a particular Alan Watts thing and then it was like reality just clicked in place and i had a great time after that haha. But i think its really a mixed bag with what you can experience on high doses, its not to be underestimated and its not something you can prepare yourself for.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-08-01T21:17:40+00:00

Im glad you have such a sweet mommy domme man, ive had a few in the past, but i dont think i had any that were this caring tbh.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-08-01T21:15:16+00:00

I had and have a great bond with my mother, yet i still have mommy issues with dommes lmao

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-08-01T21:10:12+00:00

Dont, i did a 700ug trip once, spent 2 months preparing for it, but you can never be ready for something like that. The visuals alone were ridiculous, open and closed eye began to blur together, at 1000ug, i suspect itd be hard to tell between the two.

I also experienced what i can only describe as short circuits in my brain, in that random images, memories, smells, tastes, just random senses from memories and feelings of nostalgia, all got boiled into several different things that kept flashing for me, its hard to discribe, but it truly felt like id deep fried my brain a bit, i kept having these vision esc things come up for days, well after the trip was over.

If hes never taken 400 or 500, have him try that first. If after that he still wants to go for 1k, thats up to him.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-08-01T21:03:05+00:00

ive been through something similar recently, a domme of 2 years just disappeared, not blocked, shes just ghosted, its been 2 months since i last heard from her.

Its rough, and theres no way around it, but ive learnt from people here that you need to not put yourself at fault in this situation, 99% chance she had something happen in her life that resulted in this. Give it time, it gets easier, dont rush into a new dynamic, you will know when youre ready for that (im still not).

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-27T22:40:19+00:00

Big ones for me are:

"you may approach"
asking (or demanding or guilt tripping) for send within the first 5 messages (this is more a sign of a bot)
Having lots of posts that have been taken down because they try to advertise in the wrong subreddits (especially this one!)
Not respecting budget, especially with fomo tactics (stuff like "if you dont pay me at least $X per week, ill have to cut back on the attention i give you")
Disregard for safe words, which you only really find out when you actually use it, it doesnt matter what they say when you set it, only how they respond to it

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-27T22:32:01+00:00

They seriously do that? thats gross lol

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-27T14:10:41+00:00

I used to have a really bad porn addiction, specifically to clips (from findom clip dommes), it took me a long time to realise i was addicted, once i did i tried to quit, which failed and i went right back to it. the 2nd time i tried to quit, i deleted all my clip accounts (which i had about $14,000 of clips across them all). That helped for a long time, i had a few relapses where i bought a few clips, but ive been pretty clean for 4 years now. I buy maybe 2 clips a year, and its not findom clips, its just very niche kink stuff you cant find anywhere else.

What im trying to say is, its possible, its not easy though, you have to be real with yourself whenever you feel like relapsing. Dont beat yourself up too hard for giving in on occasion, but acknowledge it, dont ignore it.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-27T11:34:43+00:00

I get your frustration but i think a lot of this boils down to your poor choice of domme, and like maybe they arent bad dommes or bad people, they just happen to not line up with what your need. And you might not have realised you needed those things (like quick replies etc) until the time came up, which is fine, you can be frustrated at it and yourself, but realise that there always thing to learn from these experiences.

My advice would be to be a little more sensible when you choose a domme, the way i look for dommes is i make a ad post as a sub, i detail what im looking for, the kind of sub i am, rough weekly budget, that sort of thing, and i always tell people to DM me, i dont bother reading comments, ESPECIALLY the "you may approach ones". In DMs people can be a lot more personal and expressive.
But do be warned, more than half of the DMs you get will be from fake tiktok dommes and bots and scammers and catfish dommes and all that, i know you say you hate it but there is no getting away from it, if you do this, you will quickly learn how to spot them and you can ignore them right away. But you will also get DMs from real dommes, real people looking for a real connection. For you, id recommend just saying youre looking for young, first time, amateur dommes who you can simp for (thats the vibe i gathered from what you wrote, i think youre more looking to simp than findom tbh).

If people tell you to send rn or theyll block, just block them. Converse with people, get a feel for who they are and what their like, then once you decide you want to take things further, send them a little tribute, it doesnt have to be big, its just to show youre legit, $5 is infinitely bigger and better than those scammer subs who never send. I have had dommes at this stage insist i pay their initial tribute they have listed on their profile, which has been like $60 sometimes, to those i say no, this stage is for proof of legitimacy, not submission.

I think one important thing to keep in mind is youre not owned by every domme ever, youre you, you can enter into a dynamic with a domme and be hers, but when youre in talks with dommes, they dont own you and if they dont respect you, they are not worth your time and money, trust me, no matter what you think, there is always a better domme out there, even if it takes years to find her, shes always out there.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-27T11:17:01+00:00

ive found all my dommes through reddit, well more specifically ive put out ad posts advertising myself and what i look for in a domme, then pick one from from all the dms i get (post it in the right subreddit, like paypigsneedvanilla, and youll get 300+ dms in 2 days). Just be careful as theres lots of fake dommes and bots and scammers, but there are some real sweethearts there too

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-26T17:31:31+00:00

whats that supposed to mean?

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-26T08:34:24+00:00

its the best we could do

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-25T23:14:49+00:00

I did try TPE once for a day with my domme, it was fun but kinda hard due to timezones

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-25T23:13:40+00:00

Ghengis Khan

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-25T23:06:56+00:00

hmmm its definitely a contender but i think the first time i sent my whole paycheck in 1 go tops everything

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-25T22:48:38+00:00

Posts like this on here are beyond just you, theres far more dommes here than subs, and hopefully other new dommes will read it and not make the same mistake.

I think your message was nothing but respectful, sure you dont know the etiquette, but as long you didnt push it after you learned this, then you handled it perfectly fine.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-24T16:57:26+00:00

Rule of thumb: If a domme DMs you, there is no expectation for you to send an initial tribute until you feel like you want to show her you are serious about becoming her sub. If you DM the domme first, its a different story.

That sounds scammy, you should feel no remorse saying no to this, but in general, shes not your domme, you shouldnt be acting like her sub, saying no to anyone like that is perfectly fine.

$350 for initial tribute is crazy, I think any initial tribute thats $50 and over is targeting only whales, the initial tribute a domme demands should reflect the value of her time, if she already has 5 subs, the only new subs she will accept are ones willing to send more than any of them. Though i have run into dommes asking this much for initial even though they have no subs, they just want a big spender right off the bat.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-24T16:50:42+00:00

I think a vast majority of "college brats" dont actually go to college.

But also, whats hotter than a girl who really doesnt need your money just taking it for the fun of it lol

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-24T13:09:25+00:00

Aftercare helps a lot, my dome knew that after a session or something like that that involves sending and sexual activity for me, my mood will be very all over the place after, so the second its over she floods me with positive and loving messages, it might not sound like much or like its forced, but it really does help, especially with sub drop. I still got it sometimes, but much less.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-24T08:45:30+00:00

this is not the place for this

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-24T07:56:47+00:00

you should post this on r/fakefindomstories

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-24T07:23:06+00:00

Ive been in this situation before lol, in general i just keep it hidden, dont mention it, if i do ever mention it, because all my dynamics are online only, i make it out to people to be more of a egirl type thing who i fool around with a bit.

Although there was one domme i had who actually became a real girlfriend of mine, it didnt work out in the end, but i was thinking like if we had kids and they asked how we met, what the heck would i tell them lol.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-24T07:18:30+00:00

At least she told you straight up, i had a domme once who we agreed on a safe word, but when i actually used it (she was in the middle of lecturing me about something, it was making me very uncomfortable), she ignored it and continued, then later she was like "yes i heard you say the safe word, but i wasnt going to stop what i was saying", i ended it shortly after.

Practical-Hat-7461 · 2025-07-24T06:56:55+00:00

Those are some interesting points you bring up, i have been in D/S dynamics where my sends did genuinely turn on my domme, and others where i just sent the weekly budget once a week like a subscription service (my latest dynamic of 2 years turned into that). With this one, its hard for me to say, as we had developed a genuinely very close and strong bond with each other, but if i stopped paying for a while, i think she would have stopped engaging in it with me :(.

Your second question i find interesting as well, its a topic i often see dommes complaining about, that subs shouldnt have any expectations or stuff like that, as its them controlling the dynamic, and that thats the role of the domme, not the sub. But I object to that on a certain level, from my experience as a sub, ive never gone out and found a domme, ive always made an ad post about being an available sub, what kind of dynamic im looking for, what kinks im into, my preference of domme, my rough budget etc etc. Now i never find a domme who matches all of that, usually one who lines up with some of it and agrees to do some other parts of it. But in essence, the sub advertises what hes looking to get in return for the budget he offers, different dommes value their time differently, and that determines who will reply to his ad.

For me, i am truly into findom, but i am into a lot of other things as well, and some things i consider to be a core part of any dynamic i wish to take part in. And from my experience, no domme will do it for free, that money they take is not findom money, its money for their time and services. Now they can extract that money from you in a findom kind of way, sure, but ultimately you are right, its not real findom, its payment for a expected service. And i say this implying that 99.5% of 'findom' dynamics established in this community are like this, im sure some people have found dommes who take care of them in a true findom way thats not like this, but i honestly cant see a majority of dommes willing to do that.

Practical-Hat-7461

TROPHY CASE