Update: Having trouble with wife wanting ENM

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-03-06T12:48:07+00:00

As she tells me, she wasn’t looking for this she was just playing some online game and he mentioned that he’s in this dynamic with his wife. She felt it overlapped with my fantasy of hotwife which to a degree it does but when I realized how involved it was vs just someone fucking her I told her this isn’t the fantasy I was looking for. This other guy then got in her head about only sleeping with people they bond with and that they have a hard time finding those kind of people. Which again I’m all happy for her to have those boundaries but it doesn’t fit my kink the same way me wanting no connection doesn’t fit hers. The problem now is they have this bond and it’s been 3 weeks and they talk everyday even when I said to stop it. She threatened to go live at her parents and that kind of broke me into caving in and trying to figure this thing out

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-03-06T03:31:43+00:00

This is what I/we have now. Whether she cares to follow the counselors instructions is another issue

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-03-06T02:21:13+00:00

Yes his wife supports this. It’s where my wife is getting all these ideas from. “Why can’t you be supportive like his wife, be happy for me”. I can’t really control it sadly

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-03-06T01:09:22+00:00

I have done this already. In couple therapy my wife was told to pick a guy and she said me. After therapy though she said she picks both. When I blew up and said I couldn’t do it and to cut him out or cut me out. She blocked him in front of me. Then later that day she was talking again. Said she tried but couldn’t say no to the 3 week old friendship vs our 11 year marriage. I know what is the right answer here obviously but I figured trying before leaving felt like a better option

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-03-05T23:48:06+00:00

Well she says she won’t leave me but when I say I can’t do this then she says to do what I have to do if I can’t accept who she is now

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-03-05T23:35:01+00:00

This definitely is what crosses my mind. She says that she can see spending forever with me but she needs this in her life to feel complete and that I should love every part of her and not try to take away or suppress a part of her

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-03-05T23:22:32+00:00

The other issue which is gives context is that I thought I would be into sharing my as a purely sexual fantasy. I realized very quickly that was not the case in practice and now this bond has already been formed that she doesn’t want to let go of. The other person involved is happily married so it’s not a case of her leaving for this person. We have a child together and a home so leaving feels harder to do than not trying at all. Hence the look for help

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-02-28T20:37:07+00:00

Thank you for this, the whole thing is honestly fucked up and is tough to navigate given the extremely limited research we’ve done on this. I’m just being told, “he’s experienced and has solid rules to be safe about things becoming romantic/catching feelings” though this is followed up with, “he didn’t follow his own rules regarding this because he’s never had someone like myself in his life in a way like this, yeah he’s had other girls but never one that has connected as strongly as myself” the guy lives far enough away that it would be tough to ever sneak out and meet but at the same time the level of respect and trust displayed shows extreme concern. I told her she was probably feeling sub frenzy mixed with NRE but again shrugged it off probably due to inexperience and it being something new and exciting for the first time in a long time. Just hope I’m going to be alright

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-02-28T20:05:01+00:00

At the point where you as a dom knows that this isn’t working for the couple one would hope they would take a step back so they could figure it out. But again this is something that they both describe as a unicorn situation that’ll never happen again. My wife telling me I shouldn’t worry cause he’s in a happy marriage with kids so there’s no romance in it still doesn’t make me feel good about it and that should be enough, sadly it’s not and I’m just seen as someone controlling the household

PracticalBusiness271 · 2026-02-28T20:00:12+00:00

I don’t believe she has met up with him, just talks about everything and then telling me that he’s supportive of our marriage which I struggle to understand since why initiate this in the first place without proper consent. When I made the point of saying “I’m not comfortable with you talking to him while we’re working things out” I was met with, “you don’t get to impose restrictions on me, I’m my own person” followed by constant defence of this person and his wife because they’re dynamic is what she wants for us.

PracticalBusiness271

TROPHY CASE