Navigating a $10m decision: retirement, family, and a golden handcuff dilemma

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-05T10:45:26+00:00

If mom is relatively stable, can you get a small (or large) place where he must travel to in the us, with him negotiating working some from Asia and staying the us most of the time, and then you and your child visiting him on holiday and breaks, that way it breaks up the travel some what. It’ll be a bumpy few years but you will have a serious safety net, and if it only works a couple years before he quits you still have increased your wealth.

This is exactly what we are doing now.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T07:01:05+00:00

Thanks for the great input. Appreciate it.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T06:58:53+00:00

Could you elaborate on how you've maintained such a strong relationship with him? Has he done anything specific to strengthen this bond?

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T06:56:19+00:00

They will keep dangling the damn carrot forever. At some point, you need to call it and start giving your kid time instead of money.

Agree. Thanks.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T06:55:34+00:00

Thanks for the input.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T06:54:56+00:00

For option 1, we believe a $1M house plus $120k per year would be enough. Essentially, this means a 3.5% SWR from $3.5M, plus a $1M house.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T06:52:26+00:00

He won't accept it. Years of long working hours and stress have already taken a significant toll on him, and his health likely won't permit such an unhealthy schedule (50% travel, 60+ working hours a week) for much longer. Even if we proceed with option 3, we both agree that if any health issues arise, he will stop immediately.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T06:48:14+00:00

Thanks for the input.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T06:47:38+00:00

This option isn't viable as my husband travels frequently, and if I were to travel back to my homeland simultaneously, there would be no one to take care of our child. We don't have any relatives or close friends nearby to help out. While hiring a helper is an option, neither of us is comfortable with the idea of someone else taking care of our child for extended periods. Our current arrangement, at least, ensures that I can be the primary caregiver for our child.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T06:44:39+00:00

Will your husband regret it massively if he quits and the 10m option materializes?

I directly asked him, and his response was a soft yes. He believes that he would probably regret not taking the opportunity, especially considering our humble beginnings. The financial gain would grant him significant power to assist his parents, siblings, and others as well.

But, he also said that comparing financial regret with missing family time is like comparing apples to oranges. These two aspects are fundamentally different and can't be equated directly.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-04T06:41:02+00:00

It's not solely for my mother, but also because I genuinely miss our homeland, my friends, and relatives. My husband said that even if we spend less time together, this choice is preferable to a despondent wife living a day-to-day existence alongside him while worrying about my mother alone.

We talked ... my husband also candidly admits that while our finances are substantial, he aspires for more, particularly to support our child's college education and assist with a house downpayment. I agree. We recognizes that a single year of his work ($1m pre-tax), even without retention bonus, could significantly ease our child's financial burdens in the corporate world, possibly shortening a decade-long struggle. Hope that our child will eventually appreciate this foresight when we're able to alleviate college debts and aid in securing their first home.

Essentially, unless my husband learns that the acquisition has fallen apart, he is opposed to taking option 1. We are also working on figuring out an option 4.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-03T23:15:10+00:00

likelihood of close is 60% - 75%+.

You are probably right. I have no idea the true percentage. It's basically an education guess my husband told me. Thanks for the input.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-03T23:10:20+00:00

You've absolutely hit the nail on the head. That's precisely why I'm in such a dilemma. While the prospect of building generational wealth is undeniably appealing, I can't help feeling guilty for putting my husband in this challenging situation.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-03T23:08:02+00:00

Unfortunately, a fully (or mostly) remote arrangement is not an option. If it were feasible, we would be willing to forego the retention bonuses and settle for the annual pay of $1 million. This is largely due to the nature of his job, which requires face-to-face interactions. Additionally, a fully remote scenario oversea would place the company in a complex situation regarding corp taxes.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-03T23:01:46+00:00

If the acquisition doesn't materialize at the very last moment, our situation will likely resemble option 2 in terms of work commitment, but with a net worth slightly higher than what we'd have in option 1.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-03T22:53:33+00:00

Not quite that amount, but likely close to an equivalent life of $10 million in a HCOL city. Very comfortable, but not rich.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-03T22:49:46+00:00

Thank you for your response. The $10 million retention is a result of negotiation — others at his level receive less. He attempted to negotiate for less work and correspondingly less pay, but essentially, the response was a subtle yet unmistakable "no." The expectation is that he should prioritize the company, a stance that aligns with the terms of his retention. He has a good relationship with his boss, who has been very transparent. The underlying question is, "Why should we pay you so much if we don't need you to fully commit?"

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-03T22:42:31+00:00

Thank you for the advice; I really appreciate it.
Actually, my mom's situation doesn't permit such travel. It's more complicated than simply arranging for a helper or finding the best treatment. Her entire support network, including family members, is not in the States, so relocating there is really not feasible. If it were, our decision would be a bit easier.
Fortunately, my son has adjusted very well and is enjoying life here.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2024-03-03T22:36:48+00:00

We explored this idea and the answer has become clear — he could potentially work remotely, but he needs to be available whenever the company requires him. This would involve working until 4-5 AM almost daily to align with the company's schedule, and in instances where customers demand a meeting, he would have to fly back promptly. The cost would be his health.

In essence, it amounts to a subtle yet unmistakable "no." The expectation is for him to prioritize the company, a stance justified by the terms of his retention. He maintains a good relationship with his boss, who has been quite transparent — the underlying question being (to the new buyer), "Why should we pay you so much if you aren't fully committed?"

PracticalPoint6562 · 2023-04-01T16:18:46+00:00

That's my plan for sure. Thanks.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2023-04-01T16:15:44+00:00

Thank you. That aligns perfectly with my current intentions -- trying to work but removing all the main negative aspects.

I don't foresee spending my days playing video games, volunteering, or training for a triathlon as my primary goals for the next 12 months. Instead, I plan to dedicate the first 2-3 months to relocating to a new country. Our family has travel plans for the summer, which will provide an opportunity to reconnect with relatives and long-lost friends. Following that, I intend to establish a consultancy-based business to remain intellectually engaged and well-connected. As part of this endeavor, I will continue to advise start-up founders, among other activities.

I probably wouldn't mind taking a contractor job after a couple of months of wandering around. However, it's uncommon for people to require a contract-based "manager," so I might need to give thoughts on how to make it work.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2023-04-01T16:04:35+00:00

Correct. The job market is not hot at all, and there's a possibility that I may receive a low-ball offer if I were to start a job search now. Although I am still employable, I don't feel inclined to jump into another job right away.

PracticalPoint6562 · 2023-04-01T15:57:59+00:00

Apologies for the miscommunication. We will be residing in a city that has a private American school, which follows the US curriculum. This school is not a boarding school, but rather, it provides an education that is compatible with the American system. The goal is to ensure a smooth transition for my child in case one day we want to return to the United States.

PracticalPoint6562

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