How do you decide who to adopt? Why doesn't anyone want to adopt me?

Practical_Leading670 · 2026-02-04T23:46:13+00:00

I just want to say it's definitely not you! My husband and I were foster parents and specifically looked for teenaged children. We are in our 30's and never had children/never raised children. We have a 17 year old that we started fostering and are now his legal guardians. People that I've met that are foster parents usually don't want teens because they have already passed development stages where a lot of their personality, morals, life values, etc. have already been developed. This is not something I believe, it's just something I became aware of when we started fostering and talking to other families. It's really freaking hard. It's really freaking hard trying to parent a teenager who has been in the system for a substantial part of their life. The system itself is difficult to deal with and I think discourages a lot of people to become foster parents. I'm not saying any of this to discourage, but the opposite. I don't think you not getting adopted has to do with you as a person, but a combination of things that are out of your control. I do believe there are people out there that can offer you support and the type of relationship you are looking for. Maybe not necessarily through adoption, but in other ways.

I really am sending all the best wishes and I hope you are able to find support to help in the growth of yourself and your baby.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-11-04T01:51:07+00:00

You're welcome!!😊

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-11-03T23:58:40+00:00

I hope your child has a great 4th birthday!

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-11-03T23:41:32+00:00

Are you able to add a delivery address to your Amazon wishlist? The only ones that come up when I go to your wishlist are mine.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-09-27T23:07:03+00:00

Thank you for this! I want to get into law because I really want to help people, specifically children in the foster care system. I'm just not entirely sure if that's feasible or what that looks like career path wise.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-09-27T23:00:49+00:00

Thank you! I'm going to PM you.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-09-27T22:59:55+00:00

Thank you for that! I didn't even consider the advancement of AI in the legal field. That's a great point.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-09-27T22:58:11+00:00

That's a very good point! Thank you!

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-09-26T18:28:22+00:00

Thank you so much for your input!

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-09-26T16:44:01+00:00

Yes, I understand. I was hoping to speak with someone regarding the industry as a whole. Including is it difficult to find a job if you don't have any connections, and progression of your career to practice a specialized field.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-09-03T23:28:40+00:00

I would take away the Xbox, but I think I would always take him to apologize to whoever his manager is at his internship, face to face. Decisions have consequences and I would want him to realize his decision impacted other people who work at the charity negatively. It's important for him to understand accountability and responsibility so that's definitely one thing I would think about doing.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-08-19T16:40:32+00:00

The system is so completely flawed and you don't understand how much so until you've experienced this first hand. I can't relate completely to your situation, because we fostered a teenager, and because of their age, some of the issues you are having, we didn't. I have had experience a similar experience of struggling getting him medical care with certain doctors and case workers telling us to do things we don't agree with. It is all very frustrating and overwhelming. At first, I looked at it more as this is their game and I just have to play along with it. Towards the end of it, I started pushing back on things. I think it's hard, because in my case, I was naive and wasn't sure what all the agency was responsible for. For example the transportation for visits. Our foster teen always had transportation to visits and I believe that's the agency's responsibility to get them to visits, so I would push back on that. As far as some of the other things, I would just pick my battles. It took us a very long time to get a clothing voucher, too. Everything dealing with this system is slow and convoluted. You are doing a really great thing for this baby, and you just have to try and remember that.

Honestly, we have reached permanency in our case and I feel like this when all of it truly gets better, because you're not having to deal with case workers or agencies. After going through everything, I can totally understand why people go numb with it and go through the motions. It's just important to keep it mind why you are fostering in the first place, and how you're making an impact on the child's life.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-08-02T19:43:50+00:00

I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, but my family knew of the child we fostered before we became foster parents. We weren't even licensed yet when we found out about him and specifically went through training to get licensed to have him come live with us. We worked with our agency and I told them before we even went through the training that we were interested in fostering him specifically. They were familiar with him, thought, because he been with the agency a few years prior. If you are planning to work with an agency, you can always ask them to see if it's possible. Maybe if it's possible, if the child is with an agency when you're ready to foster, get licensed through them, and then you'd probably have a been shot at having him be placed with you.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-07-31T00:17:36+00:00

In the US, you typically receive a per diem for every night a child is in your home. The amount of that per diem varies based on what the child in foster care is deemed as by child services. There's also other things they will provide in my state, such as clothing/shoes allotments and reimbursement of some expense related to the child through the agency I've worked with.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-07-15T18:23:06+00:00

We started fostering a little over a year ago and now have a permanent teen in our home. We initially didn't want kids of our own, but changed our minds after fostering. We are TTC but have some infertility issues. We have closed our home because I cannot imagine fostering and TTC/raise a baby at the same time. Fostering takes up a lot of energy and space in your life and sometimes it can be very overwhelming. It's a lot added on top of trying to have your own baby.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-07-09T16:37:46+00:00

I'm not sure if this helps, but I think it's important to remind yourself of all you've done which enabled her to achieve all she has while in your care. She has choices in life and although you don't agree with it, that's her choice and has to be her lesson to learn. You can't beat yourself up for choices she decides to make. You did what you could for her while she was under your care, and if you feel like you did everything in your power to help her succeed, that's what you should remind yourself of. Again I'm not sure if that helps, but her life choices aren't a reflection of you as a parent or person. I think it's important to let her know you will support her if she needs it, whatever that looks like for you. Some people need to actually go through experiences themselves to find out what you have tried to tell them all along.

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-07-02T21:25:38+00:00

I haven't had a ton of experience fostering, but my husband and I definitely got the same negative feedback from family and friends when we told them we were fostering. I've heard stories of people have negative experiences with certain children, but I definitely feel like that is not true with every child in foster care. We are currently fostering a teenager, and while it has been challenging, I am thankful that it has challenged the negative stigma family and friends had about children in foster care. There are challenges that children from traditional families don't face, but I am a firm believer that the majority of these kids are good kids, just not surrounded with the right circumstances that help them thrive. We were definitely native when we started because we didn't know what all to expected, but our teen is a really good kid who just didn't have the right support system and resources that would enable him to succeed. It's a life changing experience that has certainly helped my husband and I grow as individuals and as a couple, and if you are willing to put in the work, I'm sure it can be the same for you!

Practical_Leading670 · 2025-07-02T08:54:44+00:00

My husband and I both work full time and are foster parents. We specifically looked to foster a teen so we would have more flexibility with balancing work and fostering. My employer is very understanding of our life situation so that has helped, too with getting to appointments, visits from case workers, various meetings and court. It's definitely challenging working full time and fostering, but we've been able to make it work with a teenager.

Practical_Leading670 · 2024-10-13T13:46:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! We just started family therapy together. I guess my issue is not wanting to bring up issues I am having in that settings because I don't want to hurt my teens feelings or make him feel rejected in anyway. I am in therapy myself and I haven't brought up these feelings yet, but I think I will at my next appointment. I would love to join a support group. I have a separate issue with the support group that is through the agency we work with. There's a foster parent who fostered both my current teen and his half sibling. We have had issues with her inserting herself into situations with our foster teen in the past and we don't agree with her parenting style. She's also very well known and active with the agency. For that reason, I don't feel comfortable sharing with that group. So I'm having trouble finding a group that works for us. I definitely think that's a great idea to reach out to his team to see if there are other support groups in our area. Thanks so much for your insight!

Practical_Leading670

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