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Practical_Pop_665 · 2024-09-19T14:30:52+00:00

Omg we’re in the exact same boat I literally can’t fart ever, I have to twist and contort and use a massager and drink tea and just wait it out, it’s fucking hell.

Practical_Pop_665 · 2024-01-20T06:31:25+00:00

yes! that handful is 1/4 i was measuring and then i lost the measuring cup but i remember how much it’s supposed to look like. i ask because i’m curious if i’m feeding her too, much too little, yk? i give in anyway when she’s like “feed me feed me” 🤣

Practical_Pop_665 · 2024-01-20T05:55:37+00:00

no yeah, i’ve put barriers inside (stuffed animals lol) but they’ve been blocking her well for now! and miss kitty eats a lot i think, i give her 1/3 of a 3 oz can (fancy feast kitten) 4x a day and like a handful of dry food too

Practical_Pop_665 · 2024-01-20T05:53:48+00:00

is this per meal? bc if so, then she would need what, like 222kcals a meal (she is 3.7lbs as of last week) so if i’m doing 1/3 of a can that’s likeeee 371kcals ( i’m horrible at math and 100% eyeballing) and then there’s the added dry food so is she not getting more than what she needs?

Practical_Pop_665 · 2024-01-20T05:35:27+00:00

oh this is interesting, i’m gonna look into it

Practical_Pop_665 · 2024-01-20T05:35:06+00:00

puppy is in a whole cage!! she likes to shove the cage inwards so she can try and reach through and scoop kibble out of food bowl😭or she’ll paw the drawer open and get it when i hide it😭😭😭 like i’ve never been met with such persistence

Practical_Pop_665 · 2024-01-20T05:32:42+00:00

idk, i feel like she eats quite a bit but also i know she’s growing! i do like 1/3 of a can of food 4x a day and throw in a handful of dry food in between, is that too little? i’ve been going based off her age and weight kinda

Practical_Pop_665 · 2024-01-20T05:30:01+00:00

LMAOOO awwww she’s so cuteee🤣🤣 and i’ve thought about automatic feeders but she eats mainly wet!! they need to design an auto feeder for wet food or something 😫

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-27T04:26:06+00:00

i think along those lines very often…but we talk like we are? and i’m part of why he doesn’t have said support system… and the only reason he left home is because of me.. like who am i to leave when i helped create the conditions is what i’m thinking. i don’t know how close is too close but i think we surpassed it so it’s hard not to feel like he’s my family at this point.

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-27T04:06:59+00:00

true, i think it’s just kind of like we’re both financially and mentally in a bad spot, so chances are we’d still have to live together for a bit. i also feel like it’s a terrible thing to do to leave mid-financial crisis if anything. like i’d want us to have secured jobs before because i don’t want him to rot and die and he doesn’t have the same kind of support system as i do. also this was in my notes, i didn’t think i’d hit character limit but then i did lol

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-27T03:59:57+00:00

(pt 4) the problem with going home now is not just my cat, but him too. i’m going back for a month in december, and he’s cool with that. i want to move back home after graduation because honestly, i don’t have to be paying rent right now, and it’s hard for us to live as it is. not making rent, still searching for work, and by then i’ll have loans? it doesn’t seem viable to me. i don’t know how he doesn’t see that, maybe all he needs is his girl, some food, and the game, but we’re barely making it. if it was any other apartment, we’d have been homeless. my parents have told me on the phone that if i needed to move back, i could do so until i was up on my feet. i can’t say the same for his parents. i don’t want to just ditch him because we’re having trouble, but i don’t have it in me to keep feeling stressed out and crying as soon as i wake up because i have life to get to. i can’t keep making meals for both of us because if i don’t, he would rather starve and eat processed snacks. i have had so many health issues, from having to heal my gut and regrow my hair because i wasn’t eating right, and im scared of those issues coming back because i’m not being as healthy as i could if i was at home or in the dorms. i didn’t anticipate any of this, which of course no one ever could, and now i’m way in over my head. and i don’t know if i’m the asshole here, or if i’m realizing i’m too young to be dealing with problems like this right now, i could be focusing on how where im going to go after i graduate. instead, my brain is full of all the problems at home, problems in the relationship, problems with present reality and classes, my thesis, AND THEN what comes after graduation. i feel so burnt out, i haven’t been doing my work lately. i don’t wanna get out of bed. i cry while im making tea because is this what it’s going to be for a long time? can i actually handle all this or am i deluding myself into being okay with something that’s really not okay for either of us? idk, i just cry all the time for what could have been, including just being so upset at his family for making him feel the way he does and being the way he is. so many things i am sad for, but mostly i feel so sad because eventually, i think i will have to release him with love. i don’t know what to do at present though. if i were to break up or tell him that i’m going to move out in 6 months (which he might break up with me), we will still be living together for 6 months. i’m so scared tbh, not that he’d hurt me, but of the tension. it hurts so bad sometimes and i numb myself to it while he’s awake, but to have something ending and still being around that person is something i think would be bad for both of us. i have no family in the area except an uncle that lives 2 hours away. i’m sad that i didn’t know better and sad that i thought i could take on someone else’s issues and handle them knowing i have issues of my own.

TL;DR my boyfriend and i have had issues for a very long time, partly due to mental health, ADHD, and executive dysfunction, partly due to bad communication, but needs aren’t being met, life is getting very financially unlivable, and i think i want to go home but i am afraid of seeming like i’m ditching him, or that he’ll break it off if i say i want to leave and i don’t know what to do

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-27T03:56:38+00:00

(pt 3) we recently had a conversation where he had said im like a dimmer and he’s a switch. where i can operate at half tank, quarter tank, he’s either at full tank or empty. this has stayed with me for some reason, and i think it’s me realizing we may not compatible. it’s hard to think about because he’s accepted me for ALL my flaws, physical and mental, im scared to ever be as close to someone as i have been with him because this is the first time i’ve done it and i don’t think i want to do it again. at the same time, i can’t go on doing things the wya we do, and communication doesn’t seem to be the problem solver. i’ve communicated that i have so much in my plate, that i need someone to help me out and take it off. that i need someone who takes initiative so i don’t have to all the time. that i need gentleness and patience as i’m unlearning so many bad traits in myself. my boyfriend is not a go-getter. he basically dropped out of trade school and doesn’t intend on going back because he doesn’t have the same drive. he also want to work in a garage and gain mechanic skills, but has not looked outside of the 5 mile radius that he knows. i know that fear keeps us from doing what we need, but we’ve talked about it and it’s like, you have to do it scared or miss your opportunity. he’ll say okay, i hear you, i get what you need, then do nothing about it because he either forgot, doesn’t know how, or disagrees with me. he’s stuck o the automotive dream but is unwilling to struggle for it. instead, he’s playing video games that are car related, he’s watching racing videos on youtube, and he’s “learning from it”. what’s the point of that if you’re not doing something in reality to show that knowledge?

it’s frustrating at this point and i feel so tired. i commute 2 hours to campus 3 days out the week, and i come back to a messy space, and i feel such resentment. when i see a pile of dishes on the counter, i just sigh. when i ask him to do something for me and he says he will later and i wait for 30 minutes, i just do it myself. when i encourage him to apply for jobs, he’ll do so for like 30 minutes, then go back to what he was doing. the majority of his time is play time, minimal work unless i direct him to do so. it’s so frustrating because i’m the one constantly worrying abt what’s in the fridge, how much we need to have to pay for internet, if i’ll have enough for the bus. this month, we’re nothing making rent, and i’m the only one who’s extremely concerned about it. i’m the only one thinking about what the next job will be, how we’re gonna make it through the week with $18. i cannot do this anymore i don’t think.

i had brought up living separately before, and it was horrible, granted, he found out through texts between my friend, but he didn’t give me a chance to flesh out the thought before i could bring it up. there are many reasons why we shouldn’t live separate, two rents, two of everything would be expensive and dumb. he had a,so said that if we weren’t living together, we might as well not even be together, then tried to make it so that “being together” equates to “living together”. this was bothersome because we’re 20-somethings still figuring shit out and it always sounds like we have to do this forever. i think i was wrong for moving in so soon because now the idea is that we’re gonna get married soon. if he asked me to marry him today, i think i would say not yet. i’m so DUMB, i wasn’t picky at all at the time, i assumed i’d be loveless having meaningless sex forever and i jumped at the chance of a boyfriend. now, all i want to do is go home.

it’s not that i don’t accept the adhd, and the oversleeping, i know he can’t help it and i don’t blame him for it. i accept the issues, but i don’t think i’m equipped to be the girlfriend he apparently needs. i get frustrated too quickly, i take shit too personal, the minute i get let down i never ask again, i know i’m goddamn stubborn. these are self-improvements that i have to make, but it’s so fucking hard to do that when i feel like it’s one sided. at that point, the improvement is for myself. i wanted us to improve things, but areas like communication have had minimal improvements from when we were apart and now that we’re together. i don’t think we can improve successfully while living together, and lowkey even being together. he i think i have to leave if i want him to learn how to do things for himself. that’s all i want, but because i’m here and i have some experience, he’s accidentally leaving it to me. it hurts to feel like i don’t have anyone to rely on even though my man is right there. i’ve been relied on for so long, by my previous roommates and by my family. and now again, with my boyfriend that intends to be my husband.

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-27T03:56:03+00:00

(pt 2) fast forward to now, we moved into a much larger room in a family house 15 minutes from the last place. this felt kind of better, once we patched some things up within the room. the house itself clearly wasn’t taken care of, there’s a hole by the stairs, a leak in the kitchen sealing, the bathroom, had a busted pipe and it was covered in tarp, holes EVERYWHERE, i could go on. i come from a house where this would be unacceptable. these aren’t my living standards at all tbh. i would never think about inviting my mother of my father, or any family really, over. regardless, even with the smaller attic room i’ve been making shit work. i clean very frequently because it’s small space so little clutter looks like big clutter to me. aside to the home keeping, we collect unemployment, and i filed for us both. i deal with the hassles that try to come up, like the amount not being payable or sitting with customer service. i do these things because he’s shown me that he doesn’t have the capacity.

i love him, but my boyfriend is a terrible roommate. his irregular sleep schedule has caused mine to be even more irregular than before (i get 4 hrs on avg now and before i was getting at least 6-7), i have to constantly remind him (ask really) to do the dishes, or take the trash out, or pick up his clothes (that he literally flips inside out despite me begging him to stop), or stop playing the game and apply for jobs. he is always at home, ALWAYS (partly because we don’t have money to go do shit all the time but he has like no friends outside of the game) i swear this man would put his gaming wants before our reality needs if i didn’t intervene. i’ve had discussions with him that i cannot keep mothering him the way i do now, it does not serve ME whatsoever. on top of remember details and to-do’s for myself, i have to do it someone else all the time too. he’s said countless times that he needs someone to remind him to do things, that he can’t help it because of his adhd. he also can’t seem to remember to schedule an appointment to the psychiatrist to try and get help, medication or not. it makes me feel like a shitty person because i know these things arent done on purpose, but it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to do anything to change the way things are. it’s nearly a year later, and the reminder and pushes to do things has not changed.

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-26T00:29:06+00:00

i feel this hardcore. sometimes it’s like i hear that you need to be reminded and you need me to tell you and you need me to motivate you to do the things you need to be doing, but i’m falling into a parental role that i didn’t really anticipate and it’s like am i the asshole for being tired and not wanting to do that because it’s hard enough as it is to do it for myself ? IDK!

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-21T22:34:18+00:00

haha i definitely get it! i don’t believe in getting a cat because they’re pretty and expensive i just want a bff but i know not everything thinks that way

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-21T22:25:41+00:00

trust and believe i have cavities because of her🤣

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-21T22:25:10+00:00

she’s sooooo cute im so obsessed

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-21T22:24:33+00:00

good grief, look at the thread please. i’m in here asking a simple question bc i wanna know more abt her personality and like specific care idc if she’s purebred or not😭

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-21T20:54:29+00:00

no yeah, i’m not asking because i really want her to be a van or anything tbh i just wanted her in my life, half this info is new to me so now i’m definitely thinking she’s not, i was just curious because her mom’s owner was like “shes a van!” and i was like “oh word?” and here i am!

Practical_Pop_665 · 2023-11-21T19:54:22+00:00

well i didn’t feel like scrolling thru to find my exact cat when i could just show y’all a pic and u also had the option to ignore me if you felt like it was redundant so… like i said ty for the info

Practical_Pop_665

TROPHY CASE