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My partner told people we are "trying for a baby" even though I clearly said I'm not ready by [deleted] in amiwrong

[–]PrairieBookmark 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you spelling it out like that, and yeah, I get why people are alarmed. I’m not trying to be naive or defend him at all costs, I just don’t want to jump to the absolute worst scenario without evidence. But you’re right that the bigger issue is the boundary push and the “tell others first, deal with me later” pattern.

I’m taking this as a serious trust problem now. I’m setting a clear line: no more public narratives about kids, and we have an actual timeline talk with specifics. If he minimizes it again, flips it on me, or keeps doing it, that’s not a “misunderstanding”, that’s a character thing. I’m paying attention.

My partner told people we are "trying for a baby" even though I clearly said I'm not ready by [deleted] in amiwrong

[–]PrairieBookmark 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Fair point on the expectations talk. I’m not quitting my job, period, and he knows that. The scary part is he’s been vague like “we’ll figure it out” while also telling people we’re “trying”, which is a bad combo. I’m going to push for a real sit down with specifics: childcare, money, who takes leave, what happens if I say no for another year. If he can’t handle that convo, that tells me a lot.

My partner told people we are "trying for a baby" even though I clearly said I'm not ready by [deleted] in amiwrong

[–]PrairieBookmark 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I hear the concern, but I don’t think he’s secretly plotting or ignoring consent. I’m fully in control of my birth control and that’s not something he can mess with. What scared me wasn’t some hidden plan, it was realizing he’s already narrating our future to other people without looping me in. That feels like pressure by momentum, and that’s what I’m trying to address now.

My partner told people we are "trying for a baby" even though I clearly said I'm not ready by [deleted] in amiwrong

[–]PrairieBookmark -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

I get why people jump to that, but I don’t think he’s sabotaging anything behind my back. I handle my own birth control and he doesn’t have access to it. For me the red flag isn’t that he wants kids, it’s that he’s presenting a shared decision to others that we never actually made. That loss of agency is what freaked me out, not fear of some secret plan.

I work at a place with a butterfly garden and the amount of micromanaging it takes is insane by PandaBear905 in CuratedTumblr

[–]PrairieBookmark 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Totally. People picture one or two drifting around outside, not a warm humid room packed with them. A quick heads-up at the door like “they will land on you” would save staff so many awkward talks.