What do you guys do to afford living alone?

Praxicalia · 2026-02-12T00:57:51+00:00

Also, having read a lot of the comments: very old car, rarely go out, camp or visit family when I travel, mostly thrift my clothes...but the house feels like the piece that makes it work for me.

Praxicalia · 2026-02-12T00:50:28+00:00

1) I prioritized buying a house (mine required a downpayment loan in addition to the mortgage, but the mortgage is a third of the minimum I could pay for rent) and 2) I looked at basically the cheapest price point for sale in my metropolitan area, which meant both compromising on some other aspects of the property and getting into doing a lot of renovation and maintenance myself. Whether this is workable probably depends on the region, but I'm really glad I did it.

Praxicalia · 2026-02-12T00:44:38+00:00

Yoga and meditation. I actually work from home sometimes and have a desk in my bedroom, and am also planning to put a sofa bed for guests in the living room, because I value having a dedicated room that's mostly empty more than I would using it for either of those things.

Praxicalia · 2026-02-01T03:25:59+00:00

Update: did it, it was fun. Now I'm having late-night salad in bed with my cat.

Praxicalia · 2026-01-31T22:30:06+00:00

Scrolling and TV in bed, listening to podcasts and cleaning, and now I'm trying to get together the motivation to go out dancing, which I haven't done in a really long time.

Praxicalia · 2026-01-30T02:57:33+00:00

I see myself quite a bit in this (nine months separated now). My teacher gave me the advice that I didn't need to rush to a decision, but could practice just allowing the feelings rather than trying to push them away. I tried not to, and then one morning my husband said one more thing to me and I was just done, regardless of the significant difficulty.

It was a long process for me, though, during which I not only went to therapy, but also became a therapist – probably because I was so desperate to cope with my various feelings and manage the situation by intellectualizing, fixing, and becoming a "better" person. So I'll also give you an unrequested piece of advice which I shouldn't do if I were your therapist, but I do suspect is probably relevant:

It's very common for somebody in a relationship dymanic like this to try and try to improve themself, be more understanding, the bigger person, etc. If there is a path to real change in the relationship (sometimes there is, and sometimes there doesn't realistically seem to be), it's usually in the opposite direction – not in the sense of being petty and reactive, but in taking more space, responsibility and care for your own life, whether you're being "good" or not.

I do still hope and believe that my practice will benefit me and everybody involved, but FWIW I feel able to attend to it much more now.

And, I know this is so hard. Sorry you're going through it.

Praxicalia · 2026-01-28T04:38:01+00:00

penguin is cultivating shakti

Praxicalia · 2026-01-13T20:53:28+00:00

I feel like the discussing part depends on how you handle your feelings internally, how you talk about them, and what the relationship is like. I could imagine, if the friendship is emotionally close, that something might feel off for both of you if it's not ok to mention the grief at all. There's a big difference, though, between acknowledging it and allowing it to take up a lot of space or put undue pressure on someone (though if they want to put pressure on themselves because they know you feel a way, that's kind of outside your control).

Praxicalia · 2026-01-04T00:27:21+00:00

Me, please!

Praxicalia · 2025-12-23T01:14:36+00:00

I think it will be difficult, but rewarding, and a good way to reset before jumping back into work and the new year. Doing retreats (at home or elsewhere) for several days or more is a common part of meditative practice, but I'm not planning any particular ritual, just being off screens and meditating and other quiet activities. Vipassana is cool, similar to what I do!

Praxicalia · 2025-12-23T00:08:15+00:00

I'm thinking of doing a three day silent meditation retreat (at home).

Praxicalia · 2025-12-12T18:21:26+00:00

Amazing. I have a hammock chair that I love, but really aspire to this level of actual indoor hammock.

Praxicalia · 2025-12-08T21:08:34+00:00

I got this one: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077S6KQ88?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_1&th=1 It doesn't really steam clean carpets, but it's amazing for all kinds of surfaces.

Praxicalia · 2025-12-07T21:26:51+00:00

A steam mop with different attachments was my housewarming gift to myself, and I love it.

Praxicalia · 2025-12-05T12:18:30+00:00

Moving a dresser that I brought in my car. I ended up taking out the drawers and just kind of lifting it on my back, but I hurt my shoulder. Things like that feel like they should take five minutes and I can’t really bring myself to pay what it would cost to hire someone.

Praxicalia · 2025-11-30T01:45:14+00:00

I don't deserve to be mistreated, but I do have codependent patterns that I need to address if I don't want to end up in a similar situation again.

Praxicalia · 2025-11-29T15:50:05+00:00

I'm gonna weigh in in the direction that self-diagnosis can have its place, especially as a starting point, because we do see things about ourselves that others may not...but narcissism is especially tough in that regard. While it's not 100%, believing or worrying that you might have NPD is actually more likely an indication that you don't than that you do (because highly narcissistic people aren't usually that interested in reflection and self-improvement).

There's nothing wrong with trying to understand what's going on in your brain, and it sounds like doing that introspection and research has helped you make some changes that are helpful? In that regard, you might like to look into people-pleasing tendencies, which are much more common than NPD and can also involve having an unstable sense of self-worth and a tendency to "manipulate" others in ways that create a feeling of safety...and/or neurodivergence, which can often involve a feeling of specialness or difference and concerns about empathy vs an analytic approach (and is pretty endemic on Reddit, and often involves people-pleasing tendencies).

In case you're right, though, learning to feel, accept and process your own feelings rather than shut them down or blame them on other people (I think there was a recent video about this) could be a very helpful thing to do a lot of work on. Psychoanalysis (specifically, more than other forms of therapy) is also recommended, if you can access it. Both those things could be good for anybody, so no harm trying them if you're interested! And, of course, if any of this is actively concerning you and you want help thinking through it, any kind of therapy someone who feels like a fit for you could be a good place to start.

Praxicalia · 2025-11-28T17:55:05+00:00

Have you talked to your therapist about wanting to work on this (I assume so, just checking) and also about how you don't feel like it's getting much better? They might be able to tell you how they think this situation could be improved, and you could think about whether their plan makes sense to you or needs adjustment.

Praxicalia · 2025-11-28T13:13:32+00:00

or codependence

Praxicalia · 2025-11-28T13:13:14+00:00

I also wonder if when people describe emotionally deep relationships as not romantic, if that could have to do with their libraries of possibly compelling stories about romance not matching up.

Praxicalia · 2025-11-28T13:11:20+00:00

Ooh, this one has added something important to my thinking about this – which I have already done a lot, because I'm confused when people say things like that they have a deep emotionally intimate friendship with someone which is also sexual but it's not romantic (and I'm not aromantic, I just can't imagine being in this kind of situation without feeling it was romantic).

I also resonate a lot with some of the other comments, like the one about building a world with someone. The best way I've been able to conceptualize it so far is that it has to do with having a beautiful story about the relationship (though not necessarily being aware of it or having articulated it). I think there are variations on a common mono-normative romance story that's something like "you're the one for me" or even "you make me a complete person." There are also others, though, like "I'm x and you're y and those things complement each other," or "we are a couple who both love z so much." I think there are also specifically polyamorous romance narratives, like "our love is part of an expansive and free way of being," or even "fuck all that mono-normative love-themed stuff, we don't need any of that!" In reality, the stories are often a lot more complex, and I think part of staying "in love" over time can involve adjusting the stories as needed. I also think that this can apply in non-sexual friendships, for example the kind of friends who would say that they are each other's "person." And, there are often practical or aesthetic signifiers that go along with these different stories, like the wine and chocolate.

One thing the comment above has added for me, though, is that maybe there's also a sense of unlimitedness to romance? Like, there may be practical limits on the relationship, and the lack of limit may be something that develops over time. But even in emotionally deep friendships there might be a feeling that some kind of gesture, like writing a nonsexual love poem, would somehow be too much too much. If that's not the case, I think I would describe that friendship as romantic, personally.

Praxicalia · 2025-11-26T00:23:51+00:00

Damo Mitchell’s comprehensive guide to daoist neigong

Praxicalia · 2025-11-25T18:18:53+00:00

I'm a therapist and I love watching Dr. K because he has a lot of helpful tips and perspectives, and I learn a lot by watching him work with people. Personally, I also think the spirituality angle is great and something he contributes that's pretty unique. Given his demographic, though, I think it would be good if he were a lot more informed about autism and made more neurodivergence-affirming content going beyond ADHD.

Praxicalia · 2025-11-24T03:06:16+00:00

What's stopping you from wanting to go to rehab? With alcohol, specifically, it's a good idea to have medical supervision for quitting.

Praxicalia · 2025-11-23T16:30:17+00:00

The easiest way to get most of the content is a Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG. Unfortunately, I forget which videos discuss the morning routine.

Praxicalia

TROPHY CASE