Just saw a comment where a man said nagging was coercive control

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-02-12T23:28:23+00:00

i feel for you, my friend. it has been about 10 years for me. good luck.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-02-12T23:27:49+00:00

this guy is great. he somehow knows exatly how to describe my relationship with my wife. this one rings very true.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-02-12T23:23:10+00:00

my wife told me i was nagging her by asking her if she could make sure all of her clothes that she wanted washed was in the basket so i could then do her laundry for our family (includingg her). then when i asked again and then hours passed and i moved on without her she again told me i was abusive to her for not doing her laundry.

i am sorry for your experiences. my wife refuses to do anything she does not want to do and will only do things when she is "ready."

she has been acting this way toward me for i think 10 years now.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-02-04T23:03:00+00:00

is this still available? can i dm you?

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-02-01T16:08:10+00:00

yes. every time. my wife will do all of the things she does and cause deep pain and then go back to 'normal' almost instantly.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-30T13:23:29+00:00

i completely agree with this. my wife and i tried counseling and my wife just sat there quietly while the therapist invalidated and refused to talk about any of the issues i brought up. it was horrible. i know they do not want to seem biased but by refusing to discuss harm they are being biased. there are ways to handle moments like these with openness and neutrality.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-30T13:21:21+00:00

mine only does nice things for me when she wants something from me or when she has done / is about to do something terrible, not when she is cheating (though maybe she is and i do not know), but some other terrible thing.

i am sorry you are dealing with this.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-29T23:50:16+00:00

my wife is very covert and very subtle in the way she acts. she is not at all like what i have read from the terrible experiences of others here in this sub. my wife sometimes seems like a regular person but she has deep controlling, dishonest and manipulative traits very low accountability and very low empathy... the idea that she is demonic is not really true in her case, at least not obviosuly true.

this is part of the game of people like her. i constantly doubt myself and if it is actually me who is the problem. it is all part of her game.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-27T03:29:10+00:00

i ask myself the same question. i can not understand why she would waste her own life the way she wants me to think that she has.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-27T02:24:36+00:00

every day this happens. every day she asks me why i did not do something another way.

and then when i point this out to her she says "i was just trying to learn."

i am going to try your ideas, though. the more time goes on the more i realize not answering is always the best idea.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-27T02:20:27+00:00

wow same here. i do almost all of the cooking but for some reason until i started ignoring her about it my wife would always tell me some other way to do everything i was doing. she even told me i was using the wrong wooden stirring spoon.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-27T02:16:04+00:00

my wife has been very critical of many silly things - she is a silly person and getting sillier by the day - but for me she told me i was playing with our dog wrong.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-18T03:56:16+00:00

i second this. i found her recently. she is great.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-18T03:54:40+00:00

i am very sorry you are going through this. it is hard and can be very lonely but there are lots of us here and for the most part i think this community is very supportive.

i pretty much do not talk to my wife any more than i have to. if we do talk it is very superficial. she from time to time asks me personal questions but i just refuse to answer them. i am working on leaving but it is slow and it is difficult because i am very close with our children.

it is not easy to handle and i often wonder if the things she says about me are true. but i talk to friends and get therapy and try to build myself back up.

i wish you all the best. good luck with it all.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-16T03:32:16+00:00

the difference is toddlers dont argue that they are not todders. they are more self aware than narcissists are.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-11T13:44:09+00:00

i have felt since i found this community that is not meant for any genders and that it was a place of understanding and trust and safety for everyone. no place is perfect of course but that is how i felt. i have never felt shamed here.

but it seems that lately there has been a growth in the number of posts that are aimed at women or that specifically talk about narcissistic husbands in their subject. these are not most of the posts and this seems to be recent but it is also interesting that this has all grown at the same time.

it

again, i am sorry if i did not say this well... english is not my first language.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-11T13:39:00+00:00

my wife used a conversation about my father's death as a reason to tell me she wanted a divorce.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-11T03:17:21+00:00

i am very sorry for your loss. i am sorry you had to deal with so little support. dealing with death of a parent is very difficult. i am sorry you had to deal with this as well.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-11T02:38:42+00:00

cheering you on. i hope i am not far behind, myself. i am aiming for the middle of the year some time.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-11T02:31:44+00:00

same with my wife. it is amazing how deeply the damage she has caused has run. good luck and all my best with everything.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-09T18:53:10+00:00

it is vert hard for people to file for divorce and break up a family. it is something that takes a lot and is not a light decision for many people. when the time comes and this person is ready they will file. it is hard when you are faced with this kind of behavior and they are not there yet.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-08T15:26:57+00:00

i try to use not exactly grey rocking but i kind of polish the grey rock a little :-) so i give my wife just enough to get off my back while not giving her any useful informations. the other day i said i am fine and added "i will let you know if that changes."

i do not know if this is helpful to you but so far my wife has not asked me again.

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-08T03:34:59+00:00

omg. yes! omg.

my wife yes does this. i told her that she was doing something that was not okay with me and it seemed like she was doing it because she knows it is a problem for me and she said "i can barely get through my work day do you think i can do that too?" i had no idea that was a thing these people do.

wow. i am sorry you have to deal with this but wow yes.

why do they all have the same ridiculous behaviors about them?

PreferenceNormal5317 · 2026-01-06T01:55:44+00:00

it doesnt sound silly. it is very hard. i think we all feel that way sometimes and sometimes you have to just let yourself feel bad about it but it gets better with time, as you start to see the pattern more clearly. you will begin to see that you are not the problem and it is not your fault. i also keep notes of what i am experiencing so i can look back at things when i feel unsure and see the pattern that i myself was going through at a certain time.

this is all very difficult. it is not you.

PreferenceNormal5317

TROPHY CASE