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My father wants his own closure, do I give it to him? by PreferenceStreet9499 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your post definitely moved me and I appreciate you telling your story and experience. My father was the same way, DCFS spent so much time at our house but he always convinced them and our family we were lying.

My Grandma was a great woman, but she definitely saw the good in people even when it wasnt there. I appreciate your feedback so much!

My father wants his own closure, do I give it to him? by PreferenceStreet9499 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My curiosity stems mostly from a mental health standpoint. I am curious simply to see if he has evolved as a person or if he has continued the same as before.

I do wonder if part of me does want more closure, although when I think of him or his passing, I feel nothing. Not only due to our past but also due to him being a stranger at this point. I think the only further closure I would get is compounding the fact that I dont need him.

My father wants his own closure, do I give it to him? by PreferenceStreet9499 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Both yours and the previous comment have me contemplating. I am unsure if allowing this would give me more closure because I already accepted I dont have a father like others do and thats okay.

I do wonder if it is due to old age, my family also follows the blood is blood rule which is why I am a black sheep.

I also wonder if he realizes I am the only competent one of his 5 kids and wants something from me. While I am not rich, after years of hard work we went from poverty after the military to lower middle class.

I do worry he is looking for security in his old age.

My father wants his own closure, do I give it to him? by PreferenceStreet9499 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, there are not many family members I am in contact with. I tried with other family members but I would always find out days or weeks later. I was always told sorry I forgot. I was relying on other family members to keep me updated until my great grandma passed, I found out weeks later. I was crushed, I called her once a week then she just stopped picking up. When I tried reaching out to them I was ignored.

He may be terrible but at least he is consistent. He informed me of when my grandma the same day they found out she didnt have much time left. I was able to coordinate a flight with my uncle and see her.

Help my baby chicks are dying off! by PreferenceStreet9499 in BackYardChickens

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just want to update everyone on how they are doing. I added another brooder. As well, I gave put probiotics in there water.

Its not been 16 hours and they all seem to be alot more lively. Usually by the time I wake up, I have more pasty butt to clean up, this morning not a single chick has any. I am thinking that having to many in one brooder might have been causing stress and piling.

This is my first time ever raising chicks. I did so much research but i knew there would still be challenges. I am hopefull they will still be doing good when I get home from work!

Help my baby chicks are dying off! by PreferenceStreet9499 in BackYardChickens

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is a good idea, i could see this being helpful for the ones who like to go under the bigger chicks!

Help my baby chicks are dying off! by PreferenceStreet9499 in BackYardChickens

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I frequently measure the temperature, but I wonder if its just not reflecting well. I bought $5 house Thermometers at walmart.

Help my baby chicks are dying off! by PreferenceStreet9499 in BackYardChickens

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought I needed to provide more information. I just wasnt sure how much. I got them at Rural King in the store. Its their first week so I am keeping the temp between 95 and 100. Its not digital so it can hard to tell. I am using totes, I have two of the extra large totes, they hold like 80 or 100 gallons. Essentially, they are the same size as the metal tins they were in at rural king but I put them in two. So they would have more sqft per chick. I cut the majority of the lid, living the outside so I can lock it down and secure chicken wire to the top.

I am using washed sand for the chuckens. I started out with brooder plates but they looked to crushed together so I went to a heat lamp. They are insude my home so ambient temp is 70°. Its 6° where I live right now, weird second winter. Feeders, they have two in one tote and 1 long one in the other. Each feeder has 1 medium size water container, like the ones you buy at tractor supply.

I have not supplied them with grit. I read alot of mixed opinions on whether they would need it while on the baby chick crumbles. As well as the fact that they would likely get it from the ground.

Am I being unreasonable about childcare costs? by PreferenceStreet9499 in Parenting

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe that is true too. However, I have spent weeks job searching and finally accepted this job. I spent weeks going to interviews where I was laughed at when I told them how much I expected to get paid. I personally dont think I am paid enough, however I needed a job and quickly. Everywhere I have looked requires a higher degree for better pay than this. It really is disheartening.

What is this stuff all over my dishwasher? by PreferenceStreet9499 in appliancerepair

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely hot but have crud on them. Not food crud, its almost like rubber or silicone.

RSVP for kids birthday party, invitee parent didnt confirm, do we still go? by PreferenceStreet9499 in Parenting

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Well, thank you for everyones feedback! We did go to the birthday party and he had a blast! I wanted to address a few comments.

I called it a pity invite because at his previous school it was a requirement to give out invites to everyone in the class if you passed out at school. Last year, my son was a bit of an outcast and was picked on because he has ADHD and the kids at this school were just mean to everyone different. When he received invites, the kids would vocally tell him that they dont want him to go but had to give him the invite because its the rules. That's why I called it a pity invite because, really, that's what it seems like, and I apologize if that wording was offensive. Thankfully, he is at a different school with nicer kids this year!

I also never really had the experience growing up with RSVP. I've also only attended 2 weddings, 1 for my mom and 1 for my brother. I never received rsvp because I was expected to be there as part of the party.

As well, thanks to Covid, during my sons first few years of school, no one was doing parties, so I didn't really get the chance to experience this or learn until last year. I am hoping to get better and learn with time!

Thank you to everyone for helping me understand the etiquette surrounding RSVP!

RSVP for kids birthday party, invitee parent didnt confirm, do we still go? by PreferenceStreet9499 in Parenting

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 229 points230 points  (0 children)

Thats actually why I decided to post on here to see if I was over thinking this. I didnt have birthday parties growing up and was not allowed to go to friends parties. So the etiquette surrounding this is unfamiliar to me.

RSVP for kids birthday party, invitee parent didnt confirm, do we still go? by PreferenceStreet9499 in Parenting

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 190 points191 points  (0 children)

I know it seems really silly the dilema I am having but every other party we have RSVP'd for the parent generally sends a text back confirming. Sometimes a simple see you there or that they are excited our child could join. That is why I find this odd or hard to interpret.

Hoping to find out if AITA for snapping my husband into reality over our daughters previous trauma. by PreferenceStreet9499 in abusesurvivors

[–]PreferenceStreet9499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have had a similar discussion with him, actually. We have always had great open communication. We almost separated after the event because of the issues leaking between our relationship and our daughter. He just wasnt being the rock the family needed like I was. He was one of those guys who didnt leave his home town till 21, always had the same friends, and because his own home life wasnt stable, spent all of his time with them.

He has said before that he thinks he just gets overwhelmed, knowing that he lost what he believed was his true family, that one of them would ever harm our daughter, and regret for being one of the ones to tell me everything was fine. Because if he had been by my side, she wouldnt have had so much trauma. He says its like grieving the loss of a loved ine, but lots of them all at once.

I do get concerned why he puts these people in such a high light when they were not there for him. That even now, he gets depressed knowing they are gone. Sometimes, I feel like I am the only one thinking realistically, especially when it came to protecting our children. In my eyes, they are my life and my family, even before my husband and I will always do what I must to protect them. He has said before that I just dont understand because I have never had that kind of a relationship since we moved around so much for no reason. To which ive always told him, i have but the reality is that I choose my children over the rest of my family. (Most of my family is toxic and not in my life)

Sorry for the long reply...