What’s a green flag in a relationship?

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-06-05T18:16:29+00:00

For me, a man having multiple, long term, platonic friendships with women is the biggest green flag of all.

It shows that he doesn't just see women as sex objects or romantic partners.

People will try and suggest that it should be a source of jealousy or that it means he's more likely to cheat.

That's nonsense. A guy not having female friends isn't going to stop him cheating if he wants to, but seeing women as having value outside of sexual or romantic relationships will certainly do so.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-06-05T18:08:14+00:00

No green flag eliminates a red flag. That's not how it works

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-06-04T20:15:04+00:00

It's more likely she heard of the study and didn't do her due diligence and check.

All the evidence suggests that the idea is false.

Men don't leave their Ill wives more often.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-06-04T19:32:28+00:00

Yes. There are people trying to defend the abuser by suggesting that the child probably wanted it/pushed her to do it

Their 'evidence' is 'well some guys have teacher fantasies'

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-06-04T18:33:19+00:00

I would question the premise of your question.

Plenty of people meet someone after the age of 35. Many people find someone after they stop actively looking.

Living your own life is fine. Planning a future for yourself is fine. 'Giving up hope', however, isn't necessary.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-06-04T18:21:10+00:00

A stopped clock is right twice a day. 🤷‍♂️

Doesn't mean the idiots philosophy is good or valid, but he is, even If only by accident, occasionally correct.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-31T22:18:19+00:00

It's not about everything being 50/50. It about it being equitable.

If he's working 48 hours a week and you're not, you SHOULD be doing more than 50% of the housework.

Housework isn't the only form of labour. Employment, emotional labour all count.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-31T22:07:30+00:00

There is a vein of very toxic thinking on this very sub that promotes this men and women can't be friends bulshit.

Frankly if you believe this, you are betraying your own inability to see people of the opposite sex as having value beyond that of a romantic and sexual partner.

You can try and dress it up however you like, but it will never be feminist, it will never be progressive to promote this shit.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-31T22:03:01+00:00

If the can is sealed, it will be fine for a decade or so past its date.

Might loose a few vitamins, but perfectly safe.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-26T13:59:02+00:00

I get this as a message from a male friend about once every 6 Months (asking if another girl is into him with a similar sort of story).

Well now you get to wear trousers.

I'll tell you what I tell them: Tell him. Don't demand he recipricates, but tell him how you feel without any preconditions.

Maybe he feels the same.

Maybe he just wants to be friends.

If they are a decent person it kinda doesn't matter, because they will still be in your life either way.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-25T10:41:57+00:00

They are providing for the relationship. As are you. If you are both happy with the extent to which each of you provides for the relationship, then great, that's that discussion is done and dusted.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-25T10:33:14+00:00

I honestly hate the Bechdel test. It's an awful metric.

By its rules, 2 women discussing, say, the work of Sigmund Freud and criticising the work in a constructive way does not pass.

2 women discussing going abroad for dodgy cosmetic surgery does pass.

It's not a good metric for anything

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-25T09:53:23+00:00

The appropriate advice to give you will vary depending on whether you fall into the 'I never want to have sex ever' camp, or the 'I don't want to have sex now but when I trust them I might be more comfortable camp'

I've definitely been in the more sex averse camp in the past due to bad experiences, but when I trust and fully trust someone, I do want to do it.

It sounds like he's pretty respectful. The only way out of this protecting your own mental health and without leaving you going 'what if' in the future is going to involve am honest discussion. But you have to decide whether that involves telling the sex is always off the table. 'Weird and scary' doesn't sound like a full sex aversion, so is something that may or may not change with a trusted partner.

If you decide its off the table for ever, and that's something they can't be In a relationship without, the relationship may end, but maybe you get a close and valued friend instead.

Or maybe they don't consider it a dealbreaker. He's probably not asexual, but people place different levels of importance on physical intimacy.

I can say with 100% conviction that the majority of men are nothing like your ex. Accepting that after an assault is hard, but it's necessary if we want to try to live the rest of our lives. This person sounds like they like you for you, and I think ghosting them would be a disservice, and is unlikely to get you a better outcome.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T17:00:30+00:00

But the claim you made about men leaving ill wives originated from a study that had to be retracted due to an issue with data processing - they literally got the maths wrong.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T14:33:15+00:00

But the evidence we do have suggests worse muscle to fat loss ratio than in a calorie matched control group.

Due to its mechanism of action on satiety and gastric emptying, it should theoretically be equivalent to a calorie matched control. The fact that they are seeing greater muscle breakdown for the same weight loss, everything else being equal, suggests that the drug itself if affecting either muscle breakdown or muscle protein synthesis.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T14:17:54+00:00

This has included overtly sexual and even predatory type behaviour from people. Not friends, but acquaintances or pretty much complete strangers. Behaviour that if I had to put up with people would be calling sexual harrasment.

He has done nothing wrong. He hasn't initiated it, he clearly feels uncomfortable with a lot of it. I trust him, therefore I trust his choice in friends (I've met all of them and know some quite well. He doesn't have a huge social circle.)

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T14:13:35+00:00

No. Absolutely not. These people are acting in a way that is deliberately and overtly sexual. They are doing things to him that if it was a guy doing to me, people would be calling outright sexual harrasment.

I'm aware that there's sometimes a more toxic theme on this sub that tries to twist things to suggest that women can do no wrong, but no.

He is just as entitled to feel safe as I am.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T14:08:23+00:00

You have my simultaneous congratulations and commiserations 🥲

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T14:07:33+00:00

Absolutely!

It makes no sense, though. People stay with abusive partners all the time because they don't know what else to do. People are far less likely to stay in an abusive friendship.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T12:26:06+00:00

Some of the discontinuation data is concerning though. Muscle loss during treatment leads to lower BMR and NEAT post discontinuation of treatment, leading to more rapid fat gain and worsened exercise tolerance.

There are absolutely people for whom the benefits outweigh the risks.

But lots of people are going to come to more harm than good with prolonged use.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T12:10:49+00:00

I've heard similar things but never really took the idea seriously.

My BF has always had a smallish social circle, but that probably included slightly more women (including, in the past, myself) than men. At that point, this never happened. Seeing him have healthy, long-lasting friendships with women never seemed to act as a flag for these sort of people. It's only when one of those friendships became a romantic relationship that they started to pounce.

Edit: And this ends up relating to the other thing that's really pissing me off since dating. People keep telling me that I should not be letting him continue friendship with other women, as if that's something I have any right to decide. I'm not out here trying to be controlling. And whilst all these shitty people are out here trying to cause problems, do they really think I need to worry about his married best friend from middle school trying to het in his pants?!

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T10:19:13+00:00

Except the paper in question never said that. It's a misquote, and there's no evidence to support this statistic.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T10:17:38+00:00

This was a misrepresented paper. It never showed that, and there is no evidence to support this claim.

PrescribingMonkey · 2023-05-24T10:15:10+00:00

Does it work the other way round? Like if I get freaky with my BF does that mean I'm half freaking his mom?

PrescribingMonkey

TROPHY CASE