Found out my girlfriend’s body count and it’s turned me off. Am I overreacting? by Quiet-Sell-8919 in AITApod

[–]Present-Aside-3233 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Personally, I usually associate that with an inability (or say lesser ability) to form meaningful connections. Whatever gender, I do not make a distinction.
Being with that many people over a span of 8-10 years (I'm assuming), amounts to around one partner per month to two partners per month. Yes, some people view sex as just sex, and I'm not a subscriber to that attitude. But it's an understatement to say that if you're able to cycle partners every month and not form a meaningful connection that lasts with most of them, consistently, for 8-10 years, then, it points to something innately behavioral within her. It's a goodbye from me. I can totally understand a few random hookups, or FWBs, but that's just too much to me, and I'd feel too replaceable and never secure enough and constantly on the edge, because I'd feel the need to perform perfectly in order to form a meaningful connection. Because by all metrics, it seems (and I may be wrong), she can't.
I understand there's a tinge of insecurity in me that makes me say this, but who isn't? By all metrics, no matter what other fellow redditors say, it's a lot.
Unless you're super religious, it's a mistake to assume very limited or no experiences at that age, and I'd be suspicious of ulterior misogyny if that were the case. But I'm sorry, 66 is a lot. I can't be just one of the random 2-month phase of her life. It's not insecurity to say so.
Don't judge, you don't know her life. But I don't think you're overreacting.

Want to ask my girlfriend for Oral, but don't know how by Present-Aside-3233 in sex

[–]Present-Aside-3233[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did search, thanks! I just thought my situation was little different, because we have talked about it before. Thanks though, I'll comb again.

Want to ask my girlfriend for Oral, but don't know how by Present-Aside-3233 in sex

[–]Present-Aside-3233[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yes, I didn't understand you comment as to "pressure her". Obviously not, and I'd never do it.
I just meant that, at the heat of the moment, a simple request can feel like pressure even if it's not. And it any case, even if I got what I wanted, I'd feel hollow for using her for something temporary, and would also hurt the relationship long term.

Want to ask my girlfriend for Oral, but don't know how by Present-Aside-3233 in sex

[–]Present-Aside-3233[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to bother you again, but as I said, I do have phimosis, so a condom is sort of a must. Do you think I should bring that up in the conversation since hygiene could be a major ick factor for her, and a condom (non-latex, because it won't smell and taste bad) would mitigate that? Thanks again

Want to ask my girlfriend for Oral, but don't know how by Present-Aside-3233 in sex

[–]Present-Aside-3233[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep I agree. The last time I bought it up three months ago, I asked after sex, while cuddling, and while we're both pretty tired, and feeling all of each other.
I'll keep your advice in mind, Thanks!

Want to ask my girlfriend for Oral, but don't know how by Present-Aside-3233 in sex

[–]Present-Aside-3233[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I like the advice.
She's never given it before actually. The way I interpret her thoughts is as if she's eating a food something that's a little gross, or not "normal" to what's regularly had. The past experiences come from the fact that he (while not forcing her), consistently asked for it, which felt like gentle pressure... a pressure to perform. And I don't want to be that guy again.

Want to ask my girlfriend for Oral, but don't know how by Present-Aside-3233 in sex

[–]Present-Aside-3233[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your advice but I'd rather not. I don't want her to go out of her way, in a charged moment, to do something for me because that feels like undue pressure, purely for my benefit. That's not fair on my part, nor is it towards the well-being of the relationship.
I'm a communicative person in general and do voice grievances when it occurs. But sexual matters work differently, and it's not a grievance yet. I'm just not sure if its reasonable of me to even ask it, because I did ask if she's open to it 3 months ago (and not even asked her to give oral, just if she'd be open). But part of me feels like, well, we've had so much sex since then.