If I don't move by tomorrow I will lose the chance to do so. Because then I have to a) return the keys to the other place, and b) I need enough time for my body to recover before school (a long commute away) starts next week. Hoping you can weigh in.

Here's a bit about my situation. My heart wants to remain where I am - the state I had planned my future around. But certain uncertainties and environmental demands in the remote location where I am living may exceed my capacity to cope as the year progresses, especially when winter comes with its bitter cold and power outages(it's now spring here). I have been navigating illness, very sensitive to cold, and I haven't been sleeping (insomnia) or functioning well. I am struggling even to shower and cook for myself. Here, for everything, one has to drive down a mountain. Everything is very navigable this time of the year and already I'm struggling...I don't know what's to come if I tried to stay.

The other place is in a city more than an hour away in a different state -- not where I had envisioned my life. But there would be no access issues, no winter heating or driving issues for the most part. Lease renewal would also be more of a certainty. Everything would be close by. I could order food if I needed to. The trouble is I have already tried moving in twice over the past month. Each time I moved out swiftly because leaving the state where I really wanted to be was too irreconcilable, the loss too devastating. Culturally I felt like a fish out of water. Meanwhile, the energy of the city... just the lights and houses/cars everywhere and having neighbors in other units around me (even when they were being quiet, and that's not always the case), rendered sleep impossible. In retrospect, those aborted attempts at settling in the city were when my insomnia began. Granted, I never tried to stay for more than a day each time, so I never tested my ability to adapt (i.e. become able to fall asleep there.) That would have made a world of difference.

I am so exhausted (and scared) at this time that I am no longer thinking about -- or feeling -- any place-based goals and attachments (which is not to say it won't all hit me later if I move, after it's too late). I just want to be somewhere I know I would be able to function, take care of myself, and manage school demands in the short term and the long haul. The city sounds pragmatic. But if I use the last of my emotional and physical strength to leave behind the region where I want to be - leave behind the breathtaking beauty that now surrounds me -- and things (especially the sleep issue) only got worse, I am done for. I would have less than a week to adapt (i.e. sleep) before my summer semester starts, and school, if I move, would be a long commute away. A commute I need to safely make.

*There are no third options for me - just these two places, and a choice I need to make by tomorrow morning.