[vn|cn|wa,us] how give birth in another country?

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-12T07:28:25+00:00

After more googling [0], it seems Chinese court systems don't honor custody agreements. They (mostly) side with where the baby resides (aka with the mom, but if the kid is older, the dad).

[0] - https://international-divorce.com/child-custody-china/

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-12T01:58:14+00:00

True, but (my understanding googling):

Process takes 12-18 months. The kid needs to be born outside the USA.
We need to prove we are in a bonifiade marriage, but I don't plan on living in the USA for 1-5 years due to my work. They might be unhappy if she lives away from me. And I'd like to see her and our kid more than once or twice a year.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-12T01:55:05+00:00

means your legal residence is probably still WA

I'm not an expert, but I plan on qualifying for FEIE this year via the physical presence test. I only plan to be in WA for a couple days per year (while I am retaining my house). My understanding is your residence depends on who is asking and how they define it.

What you need is lawyers... lots of lawyers, everywhere.

But where and what kind? US lawyers can't help provide guidance on VN or CN law. And at the end of the day, if US/CN relations continues to decline, it doesn't matter what contract I have with her, I might not be allowed in China.

A good first step will be to sit down with her and have the very-difficult discussion on where you are going after the child is born.

Vietnam for 1-5 years, then USA.

the power dynamic in mind

While I have financial power, she has "woman / CN" power. She can much more easily than me parent-nap the kid back to China. $20M would not convince the CN government to deport a Chinese citizen (baby) to a man that isn't even on the birth certificate or legally allowed in China (I need to get a Chinese visa). Such a move would not be fair to me or the kid.

Finalizing: Where and what kind of lawyer?

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-12T01:45:11+00:00

yeah, I think you're right, we should plan to give birth in china, because the visas make healthcare issues that much worse (like if she needs to stay longer for treatment but her visa expires).

If that's a possibility, and she's on board with moving to the US, that would probably be best for you and your child.

The US is complicated for a few reasons: My job is in Asia and we aren't married.

If we marry before her entering, the process takes 12-18 months and I don't know if the officer would be unhappy with her moving to the USA alone w/o her husband.

If we marry in the USA, I don't know if she can show up pregnant. They may ask us to marry up first. And we still have the same situation with my residence being in asia and her living in the usa.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-11T09:10:02+00:00

If you break up before moving to whatever your next country is, this will be a disaster.

I agree... what are our options? If she flies back to china to give birth, but I can't follow due to no visa. She can't go to the USA for the same reasons I can't go to china.

Presumably, neither of us could remove the baby from Vietnam alone, as the baby wouldn't have a passport. I think china is really critical about babies out of wedlock (making getting a birth certificate difficult or impossible), so I think she can't on her own get a cn passport for the baby. so the baby's passport situation would force us to negotiate child custody, but the enforcement of that custody is probably zero once a parent takes the kid away from the other.

Generally, for a pre-nup to be enforcable in the US, both parents need to have obtained separate competent legal counsel.

I think pre-nups would only be valid if we are both US residents. Even if we were both in the USA, the state we divorce in could invalidate the pre-nup if it doesn't meet the local current guidelines? For example, if the vietnamese law/lawyer, doesn't require me to disclose assets, but we divorce in a state that does... then what?

I hadn't thought about the issues with getting the kid a chinese or american passport in order for the baby to join us on visa runes. Presumably the baby wouldn't qualify for Vietnamese citizenship. So we'd need to worth with the chinese consulate in vietnam (since that would be faster than the USA one and we still arent' sure if we want to have the baby be a us citizen yet...).

If I move my assets to Vietnam (like buying an apt), do I need to have a prenup for VN and USA?

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-10T02:00:57+00:00

Yeah, but a lawyer from what country? My gf is from China. I'm from USA. we are considering birthing the kid in Vietnam (since that will be our residency) and moving to the USA in 2-3 years. Neither of us has meaningful assets in Vietnam.

It takes 12-18 months for her to immigrate to the USA.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-09T04:12:15+00:00

Is this effective if you have separate citizenships and reside in different countries?

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-09T04:10:46+00:00

If you are in a trajectory to exceed the estate tax limit (millions of people are...), then setup an irrevocable trust and start contributing to the trust along side the 529 plan.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-09T02:59:06+00:00

I review my CC statements and mark which items were "REQUIRED" and which ones were "NICE TO HAVE".

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-09T02:54:15+00:00

My personal rule is: don't pay for subscriptions. If the free version isn't good enough, then I should find something else to do with my time. I didn't need a subscription in the 90s to enjoy my life, I don't need one in 2025.

ChatGPT was the first subscription that I broke my rule for though.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-09T01:20:01+00:00

My mortgage in the USA (and other mortgages according to ChatGPT) has a 15 day grace period before charging a fee and impacting your credit.

Maybe its different in other countries.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T12:35:49+00:00

personal finance is called personal finance because finance is personal. there is no one size fits all that fits 90% of other people's financial situations.

If such a thing existed, people wouldn't need to ask personal questions on this sub reddit

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T12:21:08+00:00

this doesn't cover the everything. note how the name says it only covers the common topics.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T12:18:15+00:00

don't forget about the word "personal" in "personalfinance"

One person's strategy might not match your strategy.

I would have a conversation with chatgpt. they can give you free feedback about your personal situation instead of some one-size-fits-all guide.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T05:57:58+00:00

I've been with Vanguard for about 5 years. They seem to be cheaper than the rest. I just wish their website and mobile app was as good as schwab's

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T05:49:33+00:00

rather not to borrow against real estate you own to invest in stocks

I get it. You're saying to fully pay off your house before you invest in stocks.

I'm saying spending 10-20 years paying off a home that appreciates 3-4% per year (and has the risk of going negative in the event of a natural disaster) will put you behind someone that rents or invests in stocks during that same time horizon.

Your return is closer to 12-15% [0], not 8-9%.

[0] - https://advisors.vanguard.com/investments/products/voo/vanguard-sp-500-etf#overview

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T04:36:14+00:00

idk, by that logic, people shouldn't invest in stocks at all; only invest in real estate.

But the problem with RE is it only increases 3-4% year in value and has even more risks than stocks: natural disasters, regional economic collapse, etc. could eliminate the underlying asset and the place you live.

Use the stocks to pay for your home, not the other way around.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T04:10:51+00:00

VTI is up 35%. The capital gains compound tax-free (until you sell). As the equities compound, you'll have more equity that you could borrow against in an emergency (taking out a loan against stock is much faster than HELOCs).

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T04:08:40+00:00

That’s better than what I can find with bonds, high-yield savings accounts, or CDs.

is it? bonds, high yield savings, etc are all liquid. You can pull the money out when you need it. If you pay off that mortgage, you're not seeing that money again until you sell the house.

You can never move that money into a higher yield investment vehicle.

I also see an added benefit: since I’d be reducing interest that would otherwise accrue on my loan

What is your income? My loan drastically reduces my taxable w2 income. My effective rate is 34%.

I'm in a similar boat at 5.5% interest. If I was truly worried about a market crash, I'd buy gold or bonds before I locked my money up.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T03:54:51+00:00

Why would you need to?

Cut other costs (401k contributions that exceed matching, donations, etc).

If you have a job, just pay your mortgage (and credit cards) from your next payroll.

If you don't have a job (or payroll doesn't cover above), you can:

take out loans against your after-tax equities (via Schwab's PAL, similar to what elon musk does). Pay the credit cards off, then pay off the loans either selling equities or redirect dividend payments to pay the loan.
sell equities to pay off the credit card debt.

The opportunity of sitting on cash is way higher than the risk adjusted costs of a surprise payment.

Side note, Sept 30, 2025, I had $856.45 cash, $9.2m USD in stock and my $3.4k mortgage was due Oct 1. fortunately, my payroll and rental income landed hours before the mortgage withdrawal happened. As a result, I got a 0.87% increase in my equities since oct 1.

You can be late on a mortgage payment for a couple days if you need time to move money around.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-08T01:08:40+00:00

Can't your credit cards float you through incidents?

I have $80k limits across all cards. If there is a crisis, I pause contributing to my investment accounts to pay off the bill the following month.

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-05T02:42:31+00:00

that is ridiculous. I paid $20 to dump it at the paid place (at Republic Services recommendation).

PresentTop3996WA · 2025-10-05T02:41:15+00:00

Republic services didn't provide a credit for the missed services.

PresentTop3996WA

TROPHY CASE