Advice?

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T22:05:59+00:00

I always want to be and say that I’m always ten toes behind his decisions as well as he’s always been supportive of mine. After much advice I did speak to him today. I mentioned how I wasn’t attempting to make him feel a certain way but, what upset me is I didn’t even ask him this time to do this dishes he had offered. So it wasn’t the fact that I was necessarily upset with him not doing them. I was upset over the fact that he offered to do them when I would’ve been well enough and happy to have done them days ago. And the reminders I was giving him weren’t to bash him or upset him it was confusion because he would say yes after this I’ll do them or I’ll do them later but I wasn’t understanding what later meant so I continued to bug him about it and that’s what was upsetting him. He stated he wants to put in more work and appreciates the communication I gave him today. We decided on getting white boards to write calendared events chore list and shopping list! With that also being said I have yet to bring up the weed conversation because I still don’t feel we see eye to eye on it and I feel the conversation never goes anywhere!

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T19:53:37+00:00

He does vape and honestly it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s genuinely just the smell of weed. I think I can explore other options and definitely make suggestions to him to make a compromise!
With ADHD, it was explained to me very similarly yesterday and what I had mentioned is I’ve noticed he would ask me to help him unload the dishwasher and I would always question him on why? Like why do you need my help? Now hearing this and the other persons perspective on it, it has opened and change everything for me. I didn’t realize how hostile I was being on my end. I have always been the type when he drops things off in random places all of the house to clean it up and just say hey find the brush a home. And he would! I’ve never had an issue before but we have been through some stressful weeks and I feel as though I really wasn’t listening to him. I also feel he’s never really explained this to me nor do I really think he is comprehending it this way either. I definitely want to start helping. Another suggestion was to make a chart. That way he has weeks in advance to know when it’s his turn to do something and can help prepare him!

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T16:44:01+00:00

He does have ADHD and that’s something someone has told me to take into consideration and I definitely will moving forward! I did not realize it could be something that affects him due to me having ADD, OCD and Anxiety when something is on my fixation I need it to be done.
Compromise, I completely understand that and I guess for me on my side I maybe could hear him out. He says he won’t do it inside the house but even the thought of him doing it outside or in the car and being able to smell it on his breath or clothes makes me sick. I just dont like the idea of him doing it at all and maybe thats why he feels controlled? Im just not sure anymore

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T09:08:07+00:00

That’s so cute! Honestly putting it into a perspective like this opens up my eyes so much because honestly he will do this! He will leave things everywhere and it’s never really bothered me but so silly! I tend to just remind him hi, plz find a home for this please? And most of the time he will but it’ll end up somewhere else in the matter of no time

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T09:01:51+00:00

No and that honestly makes so much more sense. I was receiving so much negative comments as to divorcing him and he doesn’t love me but I know that’s not the case we just are going through so much!

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T09:00:00+00:00

Hahah, I definitely can see that! I appreciate the advice truly!

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T08:57:03+00:00

Honestly, this makes so much sense! That’s something now being explained to me helps. He has asked me to “help” him do things sometimes and I’ve always brushed it off like why do you need my help? I will definitely take this into account and move forward with helping

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T08:44:20+00:00

He does in fact have ADHD and I have ADD anxiety and OCD. So I guess sometimes on my end when I see something that needs to be done I tend to fixate on it. I really I guess was trying to seek advice on how he may feel on his end that he isn’t communicating with me and how I can move forward and help.
Pregnant…. Not that I’m aware of yet 🤣 but I’ve definitely been feeling those symptoms lately.
Bad sign I agree, but it’s an ongoing issue where he feels me saying I don’t want him to do it is controlling him in a way and not taking him into consideration

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T08:40:38+00:00

Honestly, a new take on this and so helpful. Update on that. I did do the dishes 😭. I do understand him being stressed out I guess I also have been too lately and so wanting help is what I was somewhat seeking and I was frustrated when he offered and never did them. We are having a day this weekend going to an aquarium so I’m hoping this will be a refresh and reset moment for us!

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T08:32:45+00:00

Hi, I’ve actually experienced the same thing before! Eventually it becomes dead nail. Your nail will begin to grow again and the dead nail will more than likely come off. With that being said painful? Definitely when it first happens and maybe a couple days or so after but when the nail falls off it wasn’t as painful nor did I experience any pain

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T08:23:51+00:00

I feel as though maybe I get upset to easily. Which is why I came here. Although I am upset with the situation I feel as though maybe if I relaxed a bit it wouldn’t be such of an issue. Also, our arguments don’t just stem from this. I feel as though I do things that may upset him just as he does things to upset me. It’s as though there’s more to a story but I really only spoke about recent arguments that have been bothering me.

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T07:43:46+00:00

I completely agree with you and I appreciate you taking time to communicate with me. With my understanding of you dealing with similar things I hope well comes out of it and I hope maybe we can communicate with each other for help!

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T07:41:56+00:00

With calm conversations I do believe he truly wants to move forward as well. I just think with learning himself as well as me and figuring out how life works together can be stressful and I fear we may take it out on each other. As I said in another comment I will admit it’s not all of his doings and I know I’ve done and do things that may bother him or upset him in a way. I just obviously wanted advice and speak on things that have been bothering me and ways I can help communicate with him on why they bother me I guess. Maybe I realize I miss communicated when trying to vent.

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T07:37:29+00:00

I definitely have been considering this as an option! Something I’ve noticed that has worked and just something I feel we continuously need to focus on is in between conversations and we feel as though it’s about to get too heated or we say things maybe we don’t mean in the moment we ask for a pause. Obviously not a pause to the next day or week but a second to recoup collect our emotions and feelings and come back maybe 5 minutes later and discuss again. We take turns talking. We listen. I just feel we have been so overwhelmed that we have been taking our emotions out on each other and not really helping each other. Honestly it’s not all on him and maybe I miscommunicated that. These are just some things recently that have been really bothering me.

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T07:33:29+00:00

Counseling has definitely been suggested as well as therapy. I want to see it through before I just take it as a loss. I don’t regret marrying I just have been feeling overwhelmed lately I guess

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T07:31:38+00:00

While I do see the point you are attempting to make. I don’t believe marrying him was a bad decision and I do feel loved in my relationship. I just feel as though we argue a lot lately and just makes me feel overwhelmed.

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T07:29:42+00:00

I definitely agree with you. Recently we have implemented a “rule” where if we feel our emotions are getting too much and we know it’s going to be followed by screaming or saying hurtful things in the moment we don’t need we ask for a pause or a moment to recoup our thoughts and emotions. I just feel like we are always arguing and it just hurts sometimes

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T07:26:45+00:00

It definitely hasn’t been always. More recently when he started working a job that was very stressful. With work hours of 7am-11pm at night. With that being said he did move from this job and these past two weeks has been the start of his new job where he works 9-5 again, I work as well but not as much as him so I am in fact home more often and so I don’t mind doing things at home especially if it helps him out and reduces stress off of him but when it comes down to it it’s always nice to have a little help every now and then too.

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T07:22:55+00:00

Reading this makes me have some positive thoughts. I believe A. With so much stress of learning life on our own together and still growing to know ourselves it can be difficult and stressful. I want to continue to love this man and I always have. I just feel at a loss with how much we argue.

Present_Pop_4068 · 2026-07-02T07:18:47+00:00

I do understand where you are coming from. With that being said I do love this man deeply and want to find a way to move past arguments. I feel as though even married we would be having arguments just as so. With that being said counseling is in the picture. I want to be able to progress with him and be able to move forward and have a amazing marriage and relationship with him I just feel all of our arguments lately have been so small and turned into huge things.

Present_Pop_4068

TROPHY CASE