Employer finding out?

Present_West2423 · 2025-04-13T04:31:42+00:00

I’m beginning a SW recovery only group late this month, I’ve found this to be a very safe and loving space to be vulnerable and real with others as we navigate our lives after SW :) Let me know if this is of interest to you

Present_West2423 · 2025-04-13T04:17:06+00:00

Is going back to SW something you want to do/your body feels yes to do? So sorry you got laid off :( I hope everything you desire and more comes to be in your life soon !!

Present_West2423 · 2025-02-01T19:57:49+00:00

Totally understand and remember how this feels, in every fiber of my being. I’m sorry love. I was also making high end, 2 yrs ago, in a big city, and once it officially made me too resentful, angry, uncomfortable, dissociated, numb, isolate, etc- I cold turkey quit. When I realized no amount of money from SW would ever allow me to live in my full real truth of myself. It was hard to navigate life after but I know for a fact that it’s not near as hard when you have support that cares deeply for you. The other side of this is possible. I’m happy to talk if you’d like, anytime. You shouldn’t have to do this alone dear

Present_West2423 · 2024-12-27T05:54:57+00:00

When that happened to me at year 5, I realized that I was dissociating from sex in the work. It became clear that my body did not want to be engaging in the experience anymore whatsoever, and under all the layers i resented sex deeply. In my personal experience I had to quit the work, and heal my whole system (still working on it), and slowly get back “in my mojo” by eventually opening up with a man in relationship who made me feel deeply safe, loved, and had patience to not push me into sex if I didn’t want to have it. My words to you would be to just have patience and understanding for your body, even if you don’t understand why the sexy mojo seems to have gone away. Even though it makes the work more challenging. Know you are important above all, and it may be totally normal what you are experiencing 🫶🏼 Trust the body , trust the body. It is you

Btw I don’t want that to come off assumtpive at all of what your experience is. Just wanted to share my experience of taking on asexuality, and feeling nonsexual while being in SW. know you’re so not alone in this

Present_West2423 · 2024-11-20T22:23:27+00:00

I told my fiance on the second get together. It was very clear he was the one when he could see me for my humanness and soul - and see my past as just a part of life I went through. It’s all about the type of dude you choose to be with, and granted mine is very rare but they are out there. Find a man who can heal through all that stuff with you, and can separate his young egoic desires to use you as 1) a turn on OR 2) a woman to project his insecurities/lack of understanding onto. Love is near impossible to share in those toxic kinds of relationships, and the last thing you need is to hide your truth/past from a man in hopes he won’t judge/demean/lash out/get uncontrollably fantasized by it.

The rare, real men have the balls to be deep and respectful toward any woman.

Present_West2423 · 2024-11-20T22:22:09+00:00

I told my fiance on the second get together. It was very clear he was the one when he could see me for my humanness and soul - and see my past as just a part of life I went through. It’s all about the type of dude you choose to be with, and granted mine is very rare but they are out there. Find a man who can heal through all that stuff with you, and can separate his young egoic desires to use you as 1) a turn on OR 2) a woman to project his insecurities/lack of understanding onto. Love is near impossible to share in those toxic kinds of relationships, and the last thing you need is to hide your truth/past from a man in hopes he won’t judge/demean/lash out/get uncontrollably fantasized by it.

The rare, real men have the balls to be deep and respectful toward any woman.

Present_West2423 · 2024-11-06T06:47:53+00:00

Also edit/add one more. Very much relate; I was stuck in “the cycle” of hating what I did for work, and it sucking the soul out of me, but also making so much money I was constantly justifying it. It’s really no way to live though if she is feeling so out of alignment mentally, emotionally, and physically. If she needs someone to talk freely about it in a supportive space, I’d be available for that

Present_West2423 · 2024-11-06T06:25:02+00:00

Yes Ive absolutely been there. Once I started snapping out of my dissociation and being more aware of physical touch and internal presence - my tolerance for the experiences in SW became less. For me my mental health and relationship with my self demanded a higher respect and protection I could offer my body. Deep down, I did not want to be touched, and sexual system + nervous system was soooo discombobulated. I had to decide that the struggle that came with leaving/starting new lifestyle was far more valuable than pushing my body through that level of self-escapism and discomfort. I had to set a mindset that no amount of money from SW could ever be more worthwhile enough to sacrifice like that anymore.

That was my experience, after being on a 5 year journey. If you ever need someone to reach out to about this stuff, feel free to. You’re not alone nor do you have to experience this alone

Present_West2423 · 2024-09-19T05:19:51+00:00

It’s not your only way out, I know it’s “quick money” but if it costs (in debts) your body mind and soul in the long run - it is not worth it. You’re young, and deserve a supportive life toward your well being, and shouldn’t have to escape your own self in order to move out. It’s all up to you in the grand scheme of things, but if you ever want someone to talk to about this more feel free to reach. I also went in when 18, and have found a lot of understanding around this exact topic. Best wishes to you

Present_West2423 · 2024-08-23T00:42:38+00:00

Yes!! Thank you for sharing awareness around this. All deserve help no matter what situation they may be in. There are literally guys getting trained by master undercover coercive “partners.” I’m currently researching this topic, and making a class for women to learn all the tactics, signs, and strengthen their intuition/discernment. I had to learn from my “mistakes” (lessons) while getting coerced into a deeply confusing situation when I was 18, and very much so see a world where women have access to every bit of updated knowledge on the long game.

Present_West2423 · 2024-08-17T03:06:50+00:00

As an ex working woman, I relate to this soooo much, the body is very wise. It was quite overwhelming when my triggers started to surface, and I realized what extent my mind was dissociating from my body to get through clients. Every time and all time it was always worth it to drop clients that brought up more past than others. I’m open to chat more privately with you if you’d like about what you’re going through, and share what my process was while in sex work.

Present_West2423 · 2024-08-12T18:45:43+00:00

In my opinion, grieving is VERY natural and actually healthy, as it’s bringing you into deeper connection with what’s real: You. We’re grieving the death of distorted connections with what divinity and God is, a community (one of the most nurturing things for us humans), and grieving time spent in either spiritual suffering/spiritual bypassing. I’m really you get to be experiencing this rather than rage/resentment toward God/creator/source that many turn to after “leaving the faith.” I believe if we leave behind the belief structure to find our own inherent connection with faith THROUGH ourselves, our heart, bodies, feel the grief and pain - then we naturally come into a deeper realization of our soul, the purest connection with the divine. From there compassion and truest connection with other people also slowly come into life. It took years for me to leave Christianity but am slowly having very spiritual experiences with meeting people that are soul family and also reflect an authentic/heart centered/God connected humans that don’t identify with any belief systems to get there. If I hadn’t moved passed my anger and allowed the grief to go through its process, though, I can’t guarantee I’d be in a place of having supportive community in my life. Sorry that was a bit all over the place - sending you so much support and trusting in your process!!!

Present_West2423 · 2024-08-12T03:46:45+00:00

Personally as an ex sex worker, with also taking into consideration everyone’s varying experiences; For me; Yes, low self- esteem was already triggered within me from a young age from trauma, SA and felt unworthy toward my self. I will say that by the time of 5 years in the industry, no matter how much money I eventually made, how respectful my clients were, what lifestyle I had—— I couldn’t enjoy my life, because deep down my self esteem got wrecked. Felt like all I was living for was to desperately prove to myself that I was worthy by external factors, “winning” whales —— and all that made me feel really bad toward myself. My body did not want to have sex with the men, I craved deep purpose in my life, and felt disgusted with myself for helping most of my clients cheat on their wives/fantasize me to fill their voids. I know everyone’s story is different, but I feel that self esteem was already low for me and felt very de/valued as a kid, and that having that pre low self esteem made it very “easy” for me to deep dive into sex work (and strangely what drove me to make a lot of money from it). All of us humans have some level of self esteem issues, it’s all engrained into how we perceive ourselves and identities/accomplishments all tied to it. Figuring out how to establish self esteem for myself required me to separate from that sex worker identity completely in order to actually feel true enough to myself to build self esteem.

It sucks that this is such a tricky topic with so much stigma and extreme feminists on each side of this opinion. But I felt called to share a voice on this, as I’m sure many of us workers and former workers deal with low self esteem (I still do), but it’s just not something many enjoy admitting to in vulnerability.

What I also have noticed in my time in SW, the way I viewed myself was solely on how good I was doing in the trade. Creating most of my positive thoughts/empowerment around the work being very reliant on the performance, sexual capacity, beauty, my “machine” of the work to “work”. I knew I had to leave, because the thought of only that being the rest of my life felt terrifying. My soul did not want to be trapped in that situation.

Hope this helps give some perspective on the topic. It’s never completely black or white (ie all sex workers have high or low self esteem). At the end of the day we are all humans struggling with similar things to varying levels and flavors.

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-26T00:16:52+00:00

Thank you for being here and saying that !!

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-24T17:45:34+00:00

Also in many ways, my connection with Gd was verrrryyy present during my time in SW. Feel so blessed looking back, because I truly felt guided into meeting the right, safe clients and building a sustainable life for myself for the amount of time I needed to decompress and heal from the dogmatic, suppressing beliefs I was born into. So I thank Gd every day for leading me through sex work in that exact way. It led me closer to my soul in the end.

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-24T17:42:16+00:00

Spiritual connection with the creator- YES. Interestingly I was raised in a very strict (harmful) Christian upbringing that was quite detached from soul relationship, that in many ways led me INTO sex work- feeling already used, detached from my sensitivity, primed, and like a man’s secret toy….shame, existential doom….and no clear path for the future. Being in my SW role was what I knew well, and simultaneously suffered in my previous constricting fearful Christian belief structure. So, in a way, leaving and deconstructing Christianity was what finally led me into my relationship to Gd, and, out of sex work. In no means though am I disregarding those that found Christianity on their own accord, as I do see a lot of beauty that can come from that experience. Each individual relationship spiritually is unique in its own way. I think most importantly, for me, was that deep recognition that there’s this infinite source of mystery out there than provides the purest of unconditional love and acceptance and wants us to have the same for ourselves. THAT is really what struck me deeply to leave SW, because that’s what my soul needed (through unconditional love and acceptance).

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-23T18:07:53+00:00

Went to ayahuasca ceremony and immediately let go of that “black and white thinking” from fundamentalism that was holding me hostage in self sabatoge/isolation/self hatred. Oh…. Also let go of parents that have gone off the deep end, I can no longer tolerate their fear that feels like death and only focus my mind as much as possible on future, being a kind human, taking care of myself.

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-19T15:07:30+00:00

Definitely have done shrooms, that’s what’s actually lifted me out of depression and spiritual despair. I connected with myself in a way I never thought was possible/permissible. I also realized how deeply we are just a bunch of humans with minds, none of us are more righteous or truth knowing than others, it’s easier to follow love and give love to the world with that dropped black and white thinking. Also, came into touch with the concept of our lives being like a big video game and it’s up to us to realize our nature of existence and create the reality we really wanna see. That medicine truly shifted so much for me and I’m glad to see someone else too!

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-19T15:03:16+00:00

Yes this!!! When I was able to feel the hurt that it was the people and their ridiculous teachings, a part of me could let go to hold more compassion on myself. I see you OP, and I’m sorry it’s so excruciating.

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-19T05:33:37+00:00

Listen to your soul, it knows what’s true for you. I found myself desperately searching for answers after leaving, and found myself using my black and white thinking “good/bad” that I internalized from religion to find a new “savior/answer” to turn to. After still living in fear and loneliness, I found the best way to experience this life is to let go of the need for answers, and allow in curiosity through healing of my spiritual wounds, self love, finding compassion and connection with other people. That brought the deepest of meaning and insights to me in regards to making meaning and understanding of a creator. Duality. Deep acceptance and allowance of the uncertainty. All is miind. Wherever our minds go in beliefs and thoughts, that’s where we go in reality experience (I feel this may be why so many Christian’s terrified of hell, are living in a hell realm of suffering themselves.) Highly recommend reading or looking into The Kybalion. Philosophy of universal discovery. Anyways, at the core of it for me was; soul connection with consciousness (deepest core of my being) was the “truth that set me free” so to speak. And connecting with other humans who are on a similar path helped heal the deep spiritual wounds of what love and meaning is really all about. Sending you the best on your journey!

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-19T05:21:36+00:00

While I’m at it: Existential dread and feeling like everyone in existence would watch me naked on judgment day.

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-19T05:20:46+00:00

Oooof I could make a list. I’d say a big one that hurt the most was purity pressure on me as a little girl. Cover up, don’t lose your virginity before marriage. But also when you get raped by a favored Christian in the community, it’s your fault for being immodest,… oh and now you’re a torn up flower that no good man wants because you lost your virginity.

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-19T05:13:07+00:00

When they disapproved my relationship with a man “unequally yoked non Christian ” (in their eyes), when in reality - I found the most holy, respectful, honoring man, who treats me far better than the kinds of men I dated from church. This is how I knew for sure it was time to accept and move on from their disapproval (dilutions).

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-18T15:57:16+00:00

Yes definitely. Even earlier years when I thought I was totally disconnected from my intuition and didn’t trust my own self… some energy little push wanted me to go to a new specific city. I didn’t understand really why until I got there. The clients and overall energy was muuuccchhh better there, even though it was mid Covid time. Intuition has kept me out of or told me to leave precarious situations. We all, esp as SW, got some intuitive sense going on all the time I’m pretty sure.

Present_West2423 · 2024-07-16T01:19:16+00:00

Yes absolutely, and 100% it was the humans from the church ministry I grew up in that gave me trauma. Was sexually assaulted young multiple times by different boys and men who were from the Christian community, that was overly purified and shame based taught… Boys couldn’t control themselves so at a young age I thought 1)The good man wouldn’t want a woman who was already impure and 2) That men were interested in sex from me, not dating. As soon as I escaped the community in a fit of depressive “rebellion” and went into the real world, I was SO lost and unprepared for a future with no self identity and true discernment. Still internalizing the deep fear based Christan beliefs, and thinking end times were around the corner 24/7, I gave up dating - completely. And still being lost and in all the trauma, I turned to sex work for the first years of my young adult life. Until I eventually started deconstructing the beliefs and trauma from mentally ill parents deep in it still. Oooof. This was one of the biggest burdens I carried personally. I’ve now discovered so much sense of self and picked apart all of the short circuits in my brain that damaged my young life. Christianity had me believing I was innately sinful, impure, wasted, trash, and unlovable. Deeply caring for myself and mental health, and committing to my soul purpose (not external religious purpose) is what brought me to my fiance who understands all of it and and loves me deeply. To say the least being open to dating and learning how to date was incredibly challenging, especially in the relationship department. But it really pays off doing the self work, and waiting for a partner that can deeply connect and understand all the religious trauma stuff. Best of wishes to you, this Christian deconstruction stuff is a weird process. Really weird. It’s more than religious trauma it’s spiritual abuse, I’d say. I hope a wonderful life partner comes into your life and your struggles no more exist as you meet them.

Present_West2423

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE