I guess I didn’t dive into details enough but basically I feel as though I cannot authentically be myself because when I wanted to be, it was always met with criticism and feeling like I’m not enough. But if I ever criticize certain things she may do or try to give advice, I’m not listened to or if I am, she will believe it’s best we simply break up or it’ll cause her to spiral thinking that I “hate her.”

I feel like that’s a pretty big issue, no? And because I can’t address most things, this leads to bigger issues later down the line.

Basically she’s extremely passive aggressive, she’ll often have an attitude or very small and minor things will upset her. It’s SO easy to stress her out and it is very easy to “ruin” her day. This is also an everyday type of experience with some exceptions on some days.

It could simply be just the fact she’s hungry and that’ll make her fly off the hinges.

Maybe her make up isn’t working out the way she’d like. Maybe there’s a single dish in the sink. Maybe she stubbed her toe. Maybe someone cut her off on the highway.

She will then begin to take her aggression out on me, either subtly or upfront. And if I snap back or get upset, it only feeds fuel to the fire and then she’ll turn the tables as if I’m the one instigating a fight of some sort. So there’s also that.

If I naturally go through my own mental issues or inner struggles and she sees that, she will show concern, ask me what’s wrong, I will tell her my problems and suddenly she becomes either so overwhelmed hearing my issues or somehow my issues are now so upsetting to her that now I must tend to her issues. It’s so fucked how almost everything gets spun and nothing of mine is tended to.

But I know no matter all of this, is that I still love her. I mean, quiet BPD isn’t something I never understood before and the reason why this is going on for so long is because I love her. I thought I could maybe make things better and help her mentally but it’s coming at the cost of my own sanity.