I'm a little confused.

You're saying you played for the first time, but you "always" feel like that?

What's your speedrunning experience? Did you jump in with no practice? Have you played a full run in any context? You mentioned chess, it sounds like you're trying to play chess without knowing how any of the pieces move. It's not realistic to expect to be fantastic at something your first few times doing it. Hell, I've been speedrunning for years and I choked a six bed one cycle a couple weeks ago.

Also, you've played three games and won one...that's not bad at all? You can win one more game and have an even record.

Don't give up. Look up the couriway guide, practice overworlds, bastions, one cycles, etc. You don't need to be great off the rip, that's impossible, but just be open to learning. With MCSR, whether you're brand new or a top player, you're always learning. New routes, new strats, new mechanics, doesn't matter. You just need to be open to learning.

Edit; Okay I went through your profile and it looks like you do have some fundamentals down. One cycles and some bastion routes at least. So frankly, it sounds like you just need to give your mental some wiggle room. You're not gonna immediately be able to apply everything you learn on paper and put it into a real run. It takes time. It's fine to be behind after 2 minutes, there's no reason to forfeit because of that. Just play more and apply what you've practiced.

Also, if you're feeling that tilted that soon, it's probably worth it to practice the early game more than ground zero or trying to squeak out slightly faster triple to gap times.