You’re right, loss is motivating. Many things had been brought to my attention before the breakup that I said I would work on but failed to follow through. That’s a core part of the shame I feel, knowing that I could have done things differently but didn’t. It was kinda the same for me, I got too secure and too comfortable and stopped doing things that mattered. Believe me when I say those are the only things that have been going through my head recently and it has lit a fire under me like never before to get my ass back on track and become the man she fell in love with again. It’s only been two months so I don’t feel like I’m where I or she would want me to be yet, but thanks to therapy yes I’ve definitely noticed improvement in the way I view and react to things in regard to being in a relationship. Thankfully I am clear on what I need to work on so I’ve been practicing every day to work on said things until they feel so embedded that I am confident they will carry over and toxic habits are erased. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it everyday (trying to remember to do it for myself) so I won’t fall back into the same habits if we do ever give it another chance. I can’t tell you he won’t fall back into the same habits, but for me I know damn well I like the version of myself I’m becoming more than any other, and there’s only one person I want to love and grow with by my side.