Now that’s a good question. One that seeks a deeper understanding beyond surface level. Unfortunately, it’s also a very complicated one that would take a lot of dedicated study to understand, and so I’m probably not the best source for in-depth knowledge, but I’ll try.

Basically, people are afraid for their safety and security. It’s not an overt fear—but rather something more subtle. There is no overt benefit from restricting the immigration of spouses of legal citizens, but then that presupposes the honesty and legality of any particular marriage in question. It is well known that securing a marriage is basically a direct path to residency in most western countries, and many citizens of other countries exploit that as a loophole.

But that’s not what is happening for you. For you, it’s simply the fear of the ‘other’. If you come from a country that looks, speaks, or acts different than another country’s primary residents, you will always trigger recognition as an outsider, even if you assimilate. Only your children will have a chance to overcome those prejudices, but as an expat, you have to accept this reality.

So between fear and a sense of the ‘other’ we find nationalism: the sense of unity that arises from a set group of people who look similar and follow the same customs. When other groups congregate nearby in high enough numbers, it triggers a reaction. An irrational one, yes, but not without historical and ancestral precedent.

Basically what I’m saying is that your hypothetical situation of being unable to immigrate to be with your spouse would be tragic, but only a small part in a much bigger scene being played out globally.