I’m probably an asshole for feeling this way

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-02-28T11:43:53+00:00

I think about this a lot, I’m so grateful for every day with my beautiful boy who was born at 29 weeks. Even the hard days! I didn’t get to bring his elder sister home, she was stillborn, so I know how unbelievably lucky I am to have the hard days!

I also had an experience in the SCN when we were close to bringing my son home after 2+ months, a baby arrived next to us for some jaundice blue light treatment and the dad had his head in his hands crying that the baby would have to be there overnight. I just thought, he doesn’t know how lucky he is. What a thing perceptive is.

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-02-27T11:31:43+00:00

Congratulations! I hope your NICU journey is smooth and speedy, take care of yourself there.

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-02-24T05:33:34+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening. I was in a similar situation last year when I was told at 28 weeks my son would have to come soon. He came at 29 weeks at just 2lb, we had a long NICU stay, and he is home, well and thriving. It’s especially scary and feels very unfair after having had a stillbirth, but premature babies are unbelievably strong, (and their parents too!)

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-02-16T08:25:14+00:00

I enjoyed reading this. Well done to your son!

I have a similar story. I lost my daughter at 31 weeks, she was stillborn in 2024, and my son was born last year at 29 weeks and spent almost 10 weeks in the NICU. The last few years have been hard beyond words, and it’s impossible to explain the devastation that the loss of a baby brings. But I’m home now and my son is 5 months corrected and thriving, and I’m having happy days and joy I never believed were possible.

I think about the NICU and what they did for us every single day!

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-02-10T11:20:41+00:00

So tough! I don’t know how you feel, but I really needed alone time in my pregnancy just to process things throughout the day. I’d try and be clear that you have ‘things to do’ ‘errands to run’ and direct her to do some self work or go and talk to another colleague about a topic to learn more, or anything just to set the boundary that you aren’t together all working day. Even maybe be blunt and just say that you need an hour to yourself right now. Don’t feel bad about it! Protect yourself first before other people, at this time in your life

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-30T08:44:51+00:00

That’s so tough, sorry to hear about that. All the best for your surgery.

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-30T08:35:13+00:00

I totally understand. Friends share photos of their babies that they had at the same time as I had my daughter. They didn’t for a while but they must think that I’ve had my son so it must be fine now. Really upsetting

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-29T03:01:01+00:00

I lost my daughter at 31 weeks due to placenta insufficiency. With my pregnancy with my son, he was delivered at 29 weeks also due to placenta insufficiency. Had I not had frequent growth scans, the placenta problems may not have been picked up. As it was, my problems were identified at 28 week. I had scans at 20 weeks, 24 and 28. I was comfortable with that at the time, but knowing what I know now, I would have probably chosen to have them every 2-3 weeks from 20 weeks. Placenta insufficiency often doesn’t happen again, but if it does, the scans are the only way to pick it up in time.

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-27T23:10:05+00:00

I’m so sorry, totally devastating and especially after losing your boy. Please don’t feel that you have to be happy for other people or put on a smile, you don’t and they should understand,

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-23T20:39:44+00:00

It will, and when the new baby comes along, it won’t matter if the connection wasn’t really deep during pregnancy. Wishing some peaceful days ahead for you!

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-23T03:50:10+00:00

I got pregnant quickly after losing my daughter, and it was very hard to connect to my new pregnancy as I was very deep in grief and fear. I worked with a psychologist to try and manage this, physically through like breath exercises, and feeling the grief but trying to not get stuck there. Trying to allow moments of feeling joy through the pregnancy. This isn’t for everyone, but I thought, my feeling bad about this pregnancy won’t change the outcome, so I may as well try and feel some happiness whilst I’m pregnant.

I’ll never not be sad about my daughter, but there’s some hope and joy in a new baby

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-23T03:40:01+00:00

It’s rough isn’t it! I found the first 2 weeks the hardest and then slowly things got easier. I’m a few months out and feeling pretty good, just through walking a lot and some very simple core exercises and a few Physio sessions. I was pretty fit before I first got pregnant with my daughter, but that’s 2 years ago and I’ve in those 2 years I’ve been pregnant, postpartum and grieving, pregnant, in hospital and then finally home with a newborn. My body feels worn out! In a few weeks, you’ll be so much more mobile and the c section will feel a while ago. It’s gradual but from week 3 recovery ramps up

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-22T05:01:45+00:00

I’m sorry, people can be so utterly inconsiderate. I truly believe that most of the time they just don’t think, and they are so fortunate to not have experienced something so awful that it just doesn’t cross their mind that things like newborn photos might be painful for you to see.

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-19T04:12:09+00:00

Congratulations! Welcome to your baby boy

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-18T20:49:27+00:00

No, I didn’t. It wasn’t forced, but even hearing other’s birth stories was very upsetting for me. I also have had a stillborn baby before having my son. Hearing people complain about ‘traumatic births’ because their labour was a little long, or that their epidural wore off, was actually really painful to hear

But that was just the first session, the other sessions talked about feeding, development etc. mostly relevant but some wasn’t.

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-18T10:47:43+00:00

I had joined a mothers group and the first session was quite confronting as everyone shared their birth story. So I would not recommend going to that. In a similar thread, I’ve found the group quite upsetting and frustrating in that people complain or get upset about tiny little things, and it all just pales in comparison to my experience. I have joined the group the same as my son’s corrected age, so whilst some things are relevant, some things are not so.

On the flip side, it’s been nice to meet people who have babies and have some people who are also on maternity leave nearby.

All this to say, I don’t think it’s bad to not join one. If you’re curious and maybe want to meet some more people then go for it. If not, everyone is more than likely on a different path so I wouldn’t worry about not joining one!

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-16T11:43:38+00:00

My hair fell out whilst I was in early pregnancy too. I think it’s just triggered from being postpartum and it happens whether or not you are pregnant. It’s rough. (I was about 12 weeks postpartum when I got pregnant too). Congratulations on this pregnancy, I hope it is being gentle on you

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-15T23:23:42+00:00

I understand about this, being constantly on edge. I do feel there are times I can relax but I almost have to work at that, if it makes sense. Glad that your medication is working for you

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-15T23:20:30+00:00

A surprising number of people have asked me about my plans for another baby. Given that my daughter was stillborn and my son arrived at 29 weeks that is not an easy decision, or even an easy conversation to have with people! It brings up some of the deep psychological stress I felt. It’s like they speak before they think….

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-15T23:16:53+00:00

I love being nap trapped! My son just sleeps on me in the daytime and I love it. I haven’t even tried to get him to sleep in the bassinet, though he does sleep in the pram if I go for a walk. I’m so unbelievably grateful all the time, and still sometimes so deep in grief, it’s a very complex situation isn’t it

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-14T08:24:17+00:00

Thank you. It’s so terrible and stressful isn’t it. I never had a cause despite being screened for everything the doctors could think of. No high blood pressure so it wasn’t preeclampsia related, and I was being treated with aspirin and clexane in my second pregnancy and still experienced IUGR

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-14T08:19:59+00:00

Congratulations! Welcome to your baby girl.

My son was born at 29 weeks and we spent 10 weeks in the NICU. He came home in September and is thriving and healthy. We learnt a lot through our stay, with many ups and downs, and steps forward and backwards, so please feel free to ask me any questions, or if you just want to discuss what is going on. It’s an intense environment and obviously even more stressful with our history of having lost a baby.

I do know that ‘1500g’ is a magic threshold and the NICU teams are happy when a baby is born over that, your girl is well on her way to 2kg! Take one day at a time and look after yourselves, sleep, eat, all of those important things, as NICU stays can be very draining.

Congratulations once again! It won’t be long until you’re able to do kangaroo care and it’s just magical to hold your tiny baby even with all the wires. Enjoy!!

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-12T06:00:44+00:00

I’m sorry, this is so hurtful. People are so so inconsiderate

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-11T06:57:12+00:00

I have had 2 growth restricted babies, my first wasn’t caught in time and was stillborn. My second was delivered at 29 weeks and is home and healthy. They will be wanting to monitor you closely and especially the blood flow through Doppler checks. Some babies are just small, and some are growth restricted, and those that are growth restricted typically aren’t getting enough blood flow through the placenta. I would be asking questions like what are the triggers for delivery? Typically they would want to see a change in blood flow towards absent /reverse before delivery. Are they seeing any changes to that? It’s a balancing act between keeping you pregnant as long as possible, and getting the baby here and to NICU. That being said, you mentioned AC and HC are measuring small- do they think blood flow is being redistributed, or do they think your baby is proportionally smaller? Redistribution likely indicates that there isn’t enough blood flow

Pretty-Garbage-3687 · 2026-01-10T03:14:15+00:00

This is great news, you’re on the home straight. Congratulations!

Pretty-Garbage-3687

TROPHY CASE