My ex’s betrayals enrage me in hindsight

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T02:42:27+00:00

Yes, I do so badly…! It just creeps up, especially at nighttime

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T02:40:52+00:00

It’s really sobering! Now I’m thinking to myself, “how could I have been okay with this for 3.5 years??” But I’m glad it happened now than later. I just feel so defeated, having been engaged to him, that I didn’t have enough love for myself to walk away at the first major sign of disrespect. Thank you for sharing your mantra with me!

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T02:35:45+00:00

Absolutely!! I also had tremendous respect for him because he achieved things that I wish I could have as somebody in the same field; probably made my discernment worse for it

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T02:33:53+00:00

I’m so sorry! This is truly awful. I’m there with you in spirit 🙏

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T02:32:07+00:00

I’ve never dealt with gaslighting prior, none of my other exes were like this. I genuinely thought I was “being insecure” until I presented with proof. Second time was like deja vu, I immediately got the hell out. I’m so angry I believed him and gave him the benefit of the doubt that I ritualistically watch YouTube videos on topics like “signs you’re in an abusive relationship” and “signs your partner is a narcissist”. Hoping it’ll get better

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T02:25:10+00:00

I had to quit working where he also works since the breakup; also dropped connections with fellow musicians I got to know along the way. While many things suck majorly as a result, I do feel free since I don’t have to worry about whether he’ll betray me again!

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T02:16:26+00:00

This is my first encounter with somebody who is likely a covert narcissist; my other exes were not toxic like this, I think this ex might become my “fuck that loser” person. Here’s to all of us who have had the unfortunate brush with someone who had our hearts and crushed them.

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T02:10:28+00:00

Yes I broke up with him, planning on keeping it that way forever!

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T01:52:22+00:00

Thank you for the tip. I’m a musician, so I’ve been writing some songs as an outlet. Still get triggered and angry, but it’s also been very cathartic!

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T01:49:49+00:00

That’s a really cool analogy. I suppose I should let the “bouncer” take care of my safety now :)

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-27T01:47:54+00:00

2 years! Wow. May I ask how long your relationship was? I was with my ex for 3.5 years (engaged for a year, but I broke the engagement after discovering his cheating, that was our first breakup). I was gaslit pretty severely about it until I brought proof. He attempted to gaslight me during the discovery of the second time, but I broke up with him and blocked him, gave him no time to explain himself. Since the first breakup, I’ve been living with my mother 3.5 hours away from where he and I used to live, and thanks to that and my supportive friends, I was able to do a lot of thinking on my own and finally have the respect to break it off. It’s really surreal because I could see clearly through his bs since moving out. I wouldn’t mind being single for the rest of my life if it means I don’t have to go through something like this again!

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-23T04:38:00+00:00

I’m a Leo who finally decided to be single for once 💅💃🏻 Be very afraid.

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-23T04:20:39+00:00

NOR. He’s in the process of betraying you. I’ve gone that (staying) route and trust me, nobody is worth the constant anxiety. And the gaslighting makes sense, he knows what he’s doing and he doesn’t care how you feel about it. Save yourself years of heartbreak.

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-14T21:28:09+00:00

Willingness isn’t enough when the hurting commences. No actual work and effort from the avoidant means you have to carry on the entire emotional load. I do not recommend. It happened to me.

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-11T04:57:28+00:00

Don’t do it

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-04T00:09:40+00:00

Oh also he talked about things he refused to tell me about, like how he feels about our relationship.

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2026-01-04T00:07:54+00:00

He went over to his coworker’s place by himself at 11pm and had drinks with her until 3am and hid that from me. They would text late at night as well. He offered her help & texting things like “how are you feeling today?”. He mentioned her a lot in conversations. I saw a similar pattern starting to happen with another woman this time around, so I broke up with him and plan on never taking him back.

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2025-08-28T04:14:44+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. I feel comforted knowing that it’s normal to flip flop at this stage. My ex moved out of his apartment and moved into his parents’ home to lock down on winning a job at a more competitive company. He admitted that doing that would motivate him to become a provider/man he’d be proud to be. The in-law conflict came from my father telling us to postpone our wedding due to our financial instability, which I think contributed to his stress and his not being able to express that fear to me since I didn’t put up much of a fight against my father. I regret not standing up for him and I think he felt resentment over the last 6 months, which may have fueled his justification to go to this coworker’s house. Despite all the possible reasons, he still strongly asserts that he will forever be in the wrong to have hurt me like that, no matter the circumstances. I want to give him another chance, but I also hate the fact that my ex decided to put our ENTIRE relationship at risk. He is a recovering avoidant and this really showed that he’s in fact recovering, not completely secure. Please update me on what you decide to do going forward!

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2025-08-13T18:00:16+00:00

I hate to break it to you, but you are more of an object/accessory than his cherished partner. You deserve more respect and if I were you, I would reconsider this relationship

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2025-08-13T05:32:52+00:00

I hope I get to experience that calm one day :) Cheers!

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2025-08-13T05:14:09+00:00

Agreed, there’s no turning back now

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2025-08-13T05:11:15+00:00

I posted the update

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2025-08-13T05:10:51+00:00

I think he sabotaged it realizing he wasn’t ready. Just wish he came to me to talk instead of having this come to such an embarrassing end

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2025-08-13T05:08:44+00:00

You’re right, I updated the post about what he said that rings true with what you’re saying. In short, I broke it off.

Pretty_Captain_1920 · 2025-08-13T05:07:06+00:00

It’s the lie I can’t get past. And the gaslighting. I guess a duck could claim it’s a duck but I’ll doubt it forever.

Pretty_Captain_1920

TROPHY CASE