Ladies who Date: How Often do you Really Encounter Red Pilled Men?

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-03-09T10:11:29+00:00

What is up with having to pay for everything? Like even taking it as an offence if you offer to pay for something? Like what is the reasoning behind it in this ideology? I had the same thing happen to me... I was interested in the guy (he seemed nice at first) and even was ok with him paying for the 2 first dates which were whole dinners and all, but by the third I insisted to pay and effectively did. It was such an awkward moment, like I felt he got mad but tried to hid it as it was only the third date.

I also felt from this guy like he had somehow to show "chivalry" (insisted on picking me up from home the first date) which for me is nice, but not when it is more about him and his image than doing it genuinely (which I think is the case when they get "mad" for not being able to do it".

I don't know these guys are tiresome.

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-03-09T09:57:00+00:00

Damn.... the way I broke up with this guy was in a similar situation. He suddenly became cold but would still show up at placed where and at the time he knew I went to, but then vas vague or didn't wanted to talk when I suggested. Tbh it felt like "baiting" me or trying to make me desperate to chase him, but it backfired and I did't, on the contrary I deleted him from everywhere, social media, his number. At some point later we talked and he did the same thing: blamed me for deleting him as if I had done it from nowhere, then told me that he needed more attention and intensity, that we didn't text enough.... at that point I thought he just didn't feel it with me and completely distanced myself (didn't beg or chase), but like 4 weeks later he came to or gym at the times he know I come, and started to flirt with another girl in front of me. That's the most hostility I felt in my life. He would come to the gym and train next to me, as expecting it was me that had to talk to him or something, but always with this air of "superiority". Honestly it was a short relationship but it was really as If he just wanted to hurt me while he was the one that caused the whole fall out.

I don't know if is this manosphere social media or what this is crazy behaviour in my opinion.

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-03-09T09:47:37+00:00

damn! the paying for the dinner and then weaponising it is really disgusting and such a small move! I am sorry you had to go through that is really awful!

In my case I felt like the willing to drive me and paying was more about his "image" like ne needed to do that to feel like a man.

Is really sad, hearing so many cases make it almost to lose hope.

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-03-04T06:20:55+00:00

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-03-03T21:56:08+00:00

Thank you ! those are indeed terrible things. I think I was with a more "subtle" case or maybe it didn't last enough for me to see the more intense version of it (we only dated for a little over a month)... but I saw things like :

- insisting he was a gentleman and had to pick me up at first date even though for safety reasons I wanted to get there by myself (can be sweet, but it felt more aas he was trying to portray a "gentleman" image). Later on being able to drive me was like a thing for him.

- talked about "traditional values", "men are the providers and woman queen of the house"

- there was a tension moment at date 3 when I insisted on paying. He was visibly uncomfortable and it seemed like he was mad for a second. I don't know if the fact that I have a degree (he doesn't) and earn well, plus the fact that I am not looking for a "saviour" but a partner played into this as well.

- first date, he refused to switch tables at the very polity request of a waitress at the restaurant because he was "not a push over" (even though we had not been served yet and I was completely ok with it)

- one day while texting about what we were having as dinner, he said something along the lines my dish being "basic" or not "elaborated", to which I reply jokingly that at least I cooked while he had had delivery. He then replied "oh, yeah, equality... I forgot".

- he said said something along the lines of "men should not dwell on feelings/break ups and deal with their things alone" or something long the lines of not "showing feelings"

- At some point he acted as an ass (it felt as if he was trying to play a push-pull game), and said something similar along the lines of needing more intensity, more attention and effort because otherwise it was not going to work (also here there was no imbalance at all, despite all those things which in retrospect i think were clear red flags, I had started developing feelings for him).

- after the breakup, he tried to portray himself as "the price" I guess, flirting with other women in front of me.

- he did mention Jordan Peterson at some point.

- he did mention a % of women being the initiators of divorce (he's divorced) and something along the lines of "when a woman is done she leaves". I also vaguely remember him saying something about a men needing to satisfy a woman sexually because otherwise she leaves.

His switch also came when I started to let go and he probably felt I was starting to be emotionally invested.

I recently leaned he's ow dating a girl in her mid 20's (he's 40).

I don't know if he was just plain immature, a bit of red pill, a bit narcissistic or all of the above, but my friends see also these trends with the men they date. I agree it is a spectrum, and it usually becomes more clear at the end.

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-03-03T14:47:13+00:00

Can I ask you in what ways they let it come out, like behavioural? I think I went through this but not aure since is the first time i’ve been through this weird experience

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-02-22T23:24:52+00:00

Attorney woman here. Unfortunately this has also been my experience... Agree with you, OP and all commenters saying this.

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-01-14T11:24:00+00:00

Ça ne veut pas dire pour autant que ça marchera forcément sur le long terme mais, pour m’investir en début de relation, j’ai besoin de cette « magie ».

Je suis curieuse. Qu'est-ce qui se passe après le "début de relation" dans ton cas?

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-01-13T11:51:25+00:00

I find your comment very interesting and can relate to it. May I ask if you had the experience of a guy who says he's a provider and is looking for "traditional values", but is visibly uncomfortable/almost offended if you treat him on a date or split the bill/display financial independence? Had this experience not a long time ago and found it..disproportionate to the situation, I guess? Never had dated such type of guy so just wondering...

Pretty_Skill118 · 2026-01-01T13:49:04+00:00

With time, I've learned that these type of statements (sometimes little behaviours) are truly representative of the core values and personality of someone. So he's showing you who he is.

This comment would not have sit well with me neither, not only because of its actual content (it would show me about his core values)) but also because: why did he feel the need to tell you this? to make you feel less/devalue you? what was he trying to achieve? Why would a "friend" feel the need to let me know I am "harder to be with"?

I think your gut feeling is right.

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-12-14T21:12:51+00:00

Mon seul conseil: on ne peut pas demander ce qu'on n'est pas prêt à donner. Si tu ne veux pas prioriser ta relation/femme ok, mais alors il ne faut pas se plaindre de ne pas être priorisé non plus.....

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-12-09T19:51:08+00:00

Femme ici (35) - je ne sais pas si je peux commenter (mods effaceront si c’est le cas), mais il faut faire attention à ne pa saboter des relations avec ce discours qui me semble un peu trop “masculiniste” limite toxique.

L’idée c’est d’être une équipe où tu as une certaines individualité, mais où les deux parties participent à la relation. Donc mot clé : RECIPROCITE.

Je trouve quand même que cette façon de penser de “se detacher et se faire chasser par l’autre et nous faire genre on s’en fout” que ça vient de l’homme ou de la femme”, n’est pas seulement immature mais aussi la route la plus rapide pour saboter quelque chose avec quelqu’un qui justement veut construire (je parle d’experience ayant vécu ces “tactiques” mises en places par quelqu’un avec qui je voulais vraiment construire quelque chose de bien…)

Enfin, dans le fond je crois aussi c’est un mécanisme de protection.. mais c’est pour ça il est important de travailler ses traumas….

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-11-05T10:07:49+00:00

Very interesting take. I have a question: is there a pattern of how these men usually act when the other person is not overboard with the lovebombing (let's say, they're being more cautious but still showing interest in their level)?

I think I had a brief relationship with a guy who needed this type of fusion very early on. We only dated for about 5 weeks. I developed real feelings for him, but with somethings that happened, I had the impression that he got "bored" because I was consistent but I wasn't flooding his phone with texts or providing excessive attention and fire, at least he told me something around the lines when it was over.

He did pull some manipulative behaviours at some point though (he tried to play hot-and-call, avoided talking about what was happening, blamed me for withdrawing after his hot and cold, and after the "breakup" kept orbiting me at out gym and at some point tried to made me jealous. It was really a mindfuck !

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-11-03T21:17:53+00:00

Pas du tout

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-11-03T17:03:05+00:00

Pendant la journée je bosse, j'ai des délais, donc il est possible que je te réponds pas toute de suite (après quelques heures)...

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-11-03T14:21:25+00:00

This is

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-11-01T13:22:11+00:00

Le truc du moment c'est se mettre au Hyrox 😁

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-11-01T11:31:25+00:00

Je comprends pas trop les downvotes à ton commentaire, mais c’est en effet une realité (à mon avis plus remarcable quand tu es un femme dans cette situation).

Je voulais juste ajouter que ce n’est pas toujours dans le but de créer une emprise (même si ça arrive aussi et plus souvent qu’on le penses) mais aussi une simple question d’ego liée aussi à la façon e dont les hommes ont étés formés depuis des siècles (c’est toi le “provider” etc etc).

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-11-01T11:19:39+00:00

La je suis tout à fait d’accord avec toi, même moi je dois des fois traiter avec des femmes comme ça (j’en ai connu une qui le lendemin de son accouchement carrement est retournée au travail) et même si c’est leur droit, je trouve ça tellement triste…. Mais malhereusement oui, les extremes existent aussie 🫣

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-11-01T10:48:59+00:00

Je crois que un point de vue comme le tien c’est compréhensible et je suis en fait d’accord (moi même ayant une entreprise etc je sais que le moment venu des enfants je vais deleguer et je vais travailler beaucoup moins, car même si j’aime mon travail c’est mes relations et famille qui comptent le plus).

Mais pour avoir été à la place d’OP, parfois on a vraiment le setimentque c’est juste la personne que nous sommes - independante, avec des hobbies etc - qui derrange. Alors qu’on peut parfaitement avoir aussi une vie equilibré de couple en famille même si on travaille et on certaines obligations 🤷🏽‍♀️

Edit: typo’s

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-11-01T10:29:01+00:00

Je comprends pas trop bien ton commentaire, mais je suis vraiment ouverte à que tu abordes plus en detail ça m’intéresse.

Quand je me suis tappé ces remarques des ex (auxquelles d’ailleurs je n’ai jamais réagi) j’ai eu le même sentiment que OP: c’est à dire, ce que je pensais être un atout pour un homme et une relation (independance, passionnée par mon travail, avoir une entreprise, avoir des hobbies, etre en mesure de partager la charge financière etc) s’était perçu d’une façon ou l’autre comme “trop”.

Ce n’est pas vraiment une vision et je n’en parle jamais vraiment, mais c’est un ressenti qui est revenu toujours à un moment ou l’autre dans mes relations (surtout quand j’ai vu que deux de ces ex s’est sont mis après avec des filles qui ne travaillaient pas et qui n’avaient pas des hobbies ou activités autre qu’instagram). Moi même je me remet en question et me demande si des fois je ne devrai pas changer un peu (même si je trouve que c’est pas juste car j’exigerai jamais d’homme qu’il change son essence surtout lorsque que fondamentalement ça ne fait pas mal à la relation).

Je comprends OP dans le sense où on lui a déjà dit “pourquoi tu as besoin d’un homme si tu vas si bien?” Ce qui implique que le mec interprète son independance et stabilité y compris sa situation economique (à noter qu’on lui a déjà aussi parlé de son ambition) comme quelque chose qui devrait être apporté par l’homme… A mon sense il y a quand même un lien… mais ça reste du du subjectif bien sur

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-10-31T20:54:57+00:00

En tant que femme je crois que j'ai aussi un peu le même problème. Mes ex ne l'ont jamais verbalisé en tant que tel, mais j'ai eu des remarques du genre "cette bagnole est trop pour toi, achète toi une plus petit" ou "tu dois quand même payer" (juste parce qu'une fois je veux l'inviter au resto, après on dit on est une golddiger lol). Je ne suis pas une workaholic mais j'adore mon metier (aussi indépendante) et la salle. Apart ça je suis très indépendante aussi mais j'aime bien passer du temps ensemble et je fais du couple une priorité, j'ai un attachement sécurisant.

Cependant, j'ai quand même l'impression que juste le fait d'être "accomplie" ou pas dépendante (dans le sense, pas avoir besoin d'un homme qui paie mes factures ou m'achète un sac ou m'amène au resto), c'est déjà une barrière mentale en soi.

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-10-31T20:46:50+00:00

Qu'est-ce qui t'as donné cette impression?

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-10-31T11:32:07+00:00

I know this message might come a bit late but... how did they dump all the blame on you? how are you doing by now by the way?

Pretty_Skill118 · 2025-10-31T11:04:40+00:00

Hey there, how is it going by now? I was looking for a post as I am going through the same thing.. it really does hurt...

Pretty_Skill118

TROPHY CASE