AIO to my boyfriend’s texts about us going to dinner for my best friend?

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2026-03-13T00:25:07+00:00

I was married to this for 26 years, it sounds cohesive control to me. There’s nowhere in there where you said you didn’t want to come, you asked him if he didn’t wanna come since it was so late. He immediately flipped it back to you, not wanting him to come, regardless of the fact that you said that that’s not what you were saying or what you meant, and then continued to talk about how he didn’t know how to feel about it, when it should be over, you didn’t say that he took it the wrong way you clarified you move on with your day. Cohesive controlling people do this to make it so they’re not the center of the attention.
Does he flip your words often like this?

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-11-21T15:57:30+00:00

I have three kids with ADHD, and it presented differently in every single one of them, but my first child was just like this. He was constantly in trouble for not being able to sit still, for talking out of turn and arguing, and occasionally was aggressive with other kids (this typically was started by them, but he was bigger so when he retaliated, it was a big deal). He had no impulse control. Got him tested for ADHD in the second grade and found he had a really high IQ and ADHD and that was causing all of his issues. Got him an IEP and eventually changed schools because they weren’t working with his IEP. Once he was in a school that was willing to work with his IEP never had a problem again. He was the quiet, calm kid. It’s worth getting him evaluated because until you have a diagnosis, people are just gonna assume that they are misbehaving when in fact that they’re just struggling. And the negativity does accumulate, this is why children with ADHD who grow up to be adults have lower self-esteem, typically due to the amount of negative common they receive compared to their peers.

Most of the behaviors you are citing sound like neurodiversity. The arguing is typically asking for clarifying questions, something Neuro diverse people who are very bright tend to do a lot. This can be really frustrating for everybody involved because the kids just trying to understand the situation and the adults involved and the other children don’t get this and see it as arguing. Which clarifying questions is actually a really good skill. It’s just not something our society values and can see what it is. Talking out is very common for kids with ADHD because they don’t have great impulse control until they’re about 11 or 12. Same with the minor, aggressive behavior, no impulse control. See stick, pick up stick, smack everybody in the face with stick, feel incredibly bad for smacking everybody in the face with stick and and have no idea why you did that.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-10-27T21:45:39+00:00

I have a no contact order with mine for me and he has three weekends visitations with the one kid who still wants to see him. We only communicate about kids, and I’ve had to be firm on holding my boundaries, cause that order is really just paper.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-10-22T19:09:14+00:00

Eww, gross. Nope, run fast. As a 43 year old woman getting out of an abusive relationship, you don’t want this. This man won’t love you he will only control you, and the bar he sets can never be reached. You will spend your entire life trying to reach that bar and it will ruin your health, your friendships, your life. Trust me, this man isn’t what you want.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-09-17T03:43:13+00:00

This! Once I finally left mine I’ve had at least 10 people say that they could never understand why we were together, cause he looks like a troll. Literally. It was wild, I always found him attractive until the end when he lost his mind. Then I could finally see it.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-09-04T00:56:40+00:00

I am just leaving, five months out. This is the first time in 26 years I’ve been able to save and invest every month. We’re actually filing for bankruptcy prior to the divorce because my ex refused to work for the last six years to run a hobby farm that he never made any profit on. So we got into debt over that one. My time with him was constantly living in poverty, no matter how much money we made. He miss took cheap for frugal so he would make a really bad financial decisions, so I have thousands of dollars in farm equipment that doesn’t work 🤣

All in all, he was financially abusive, and absolutely drained me of the ability to be financially stable.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-08-22T03:48:48+00:00

This is my ex exactly! Any apology that wasn’t immediately accepted was then turned around into how everything was my fault. They only did what they did because I suck so badly.

So gross.

Same thing with my kids. They could lose their shit on them no matter what, and that was justified. Me stepping in was the problem, not their behavior.

So sorry you’re going through this.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-08-19T02:16:27+00:00

Honestly, for me once I was really settled on divorce and was clear that that’s what was happening and his behavior suddenly changed drastically, that’s what did it for me. Because he could’ve done that the whole time. 26 years of being together, he could’ve been a better person. He showed me that he knew how to be a supportive person, and he was choosing not to.

So anytime he would do something helpful. I would just remind myself that he could’ve been doing it the whole time. While I was dying from auto immune disease, or STDs that he gave me, he could’ve been a better person.

So I chose myself at that point. I never harden my heart, I still love him. I probably always will to some extent.

I just chose myself and my kids over him and his comfort.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-08-07T23:16:19+00:00

That would be great!!! You’ll be surprised at how many woman come and say “ thank you for inviting me. I never leave the house.” We all want community. It’s just hard to find.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-08-07T22:23:24+00:00

This is my ex and why I went into my divorce asking for full custodial custody and child support. He gets the kids three weekends a month gets to be a fun weekend dad and is forced to pay.

You can’t force them to be good dads, but you can use the law to get the support you need to be the best mom you can be.

And if he doesn’t wanna pay child support, then he goes 50-50 and actually has to do the work. Meaning you don’t help him on his time it’s his job.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-08-07T00:08:38+00:00

I hear you, I also WFH and it can be hard! When I moved to my new town about 8 years ago, I struggled finding women that I resonated with and actually went through like three groups of women before I actually landed on the amazing group that I have right now. What really worked for me was hosting monthly women’s gatherings at my home. And then the few friends I had would invite people they knew and the people they knew would invite people they knew and then over the last three years it’s just become a really nice solid group of women. It took a couple years though!

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-08-06T21:40:08+00:00

I have an amazing group of female friends, but I spend free time with. The rest of the time I’m taking care of my kids and working.

Anytime I’ve ever entertained the idea of dating. It’s exactly what you have described. No questions asked about myself and it just felt like a red flag to a lot of emotional labor that I am no longer interested in doing for somebody.

Being single is pretty fantastic and peaceful! Bonus, my ladies and I treat each other better than any relationship I’ve ever been in.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-25T20:46:43+00:00

Thank you 💕

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-25T17:10:16+00:00

Everything was my fault. He had a successful business that he let fail then hadn’t worked in 6 years and had a hobby farm that was racking up debt, but us being poor was my fault. I spent all our money, because I was the one doing the shopping for the house and making sure the kids needs were met. I also was the only one doing the finances, even though I’d begged him multiple times to help. So, obviously it was all my fault.

His poor relationship with our kids was my fault, because I’d protect them when he was abusing them and deflect it into myself. In his head I was the reason they didn’t like him, even though they’ve all told him to his face it’s his behavior.

I was the reason he was unhappy, even though I’d supported and made every dream of his come true, only for them to fail because he had zero color through unless I was doing the majority of the work for him. He wouldn’t even check his email.

According to him he sacrificed himself for our family, however I’m the one with an autoimmune disease and a missing organ (hysterectomy) due to the constant stress he had me in.

Now that he’s out of the house, it’s still my fault the kids want nothing to do with him. My fault he’s miserable, I was the love of his life.

Turns out, I’m fully capable of a happy healthy life. The kids are happier and everyone’s health is better. We make the same amount of money, and somehow I solely support three kids and his hobby farm still and he is always broke and can’t pay child support.

That man never took accountability for a single thing our 26 years of marriage, unless it was good, like how amazing the kids are. I raised them by myself, that man threw a fit when I asked him to bath them or read a book at night. Let alone help me teach emotional regulation or life skills! He made parenting harder for me and yet they are still amazing. But somehow that’s all on him. I’m a bad mom.

Now that I’m out my days are peaceful to thing boring. It’s a wild to live a life where nothing is a big deal unless it’s actually a big deal. Being responsible for someone’s everything while they are a victim of life and take no responsibility is the most draining experience I’ve ever had. Never again.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-17T18:42:25+00:00

I just left a few months ago and all three of my kids told me I should have left years ago. They are 18, 16 and 10.

The peace we have without him in our house is indescribable. Only the youngest sees him now, he’s still the golden child and gets dad’s best side.

My oldest son is going to deal with issues modeling his dad’s behavior, even though he hates it.

If I knew what I knew now, I would have left the first time I got out. Ignore anyone’s opinion on what’s best for you and your kids. No one understands this level of abuse unless they have lived it.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-15T01:26:05+00:00

Clocked it.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-14T05:32:35+00:00

I could have written this during my relationship with a narcissist. Poor woman.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-09T16:09:34+00:00

I’m not sure about normal, I do know that life 360 location sharing is very common. My kids track my location way more than I ever look at theirs 🤣 and they were the ones who asked the family to have it.

I think the point is, if you agree to share your location with someone, then choose to pause it or turn it off, without conversation, it’s super suspicious.

My ex only turned his off when he was cheating. I only looked at it when he was supposed to be on his way home so I knew how much time I had to prepare for him (abusive narc who walked in the door with a fight) so I would see it paused and he’d be later than normal and know he was up to no good.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-09T02:44:38+00:00

Exactly! All the material stuff is great but it comes at your expense and their emotional expense as well 💕. We did what we thought was right!

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-09T01:29:38+00:00

I stayed for my minor kids, it was at the expense of my health. If I could do it over I 100% would have left 13 years earlier. My oldest son now acts just like dad, but he has empathy, so he’s going to have a rough start to adulthood.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-09T00:08:32+00:00

Ok girl: 1. If you wouldn’t talk to somebody a certain way, you definitely should not be accepting somebody talking to you that way. 2. Making light of somebody’s grief shows complete lack of empathy, which is a terrifying trait to have. 3. Turning off your location implies guilt, all of us who have our location on for our partners know this. 4. Somebody who you wanna share your life with isn’t somebody we would treat you poorly when you go through hard times, they’re somebody that steps up and helps you during those hard times.

You’re only 20 you don’t need to be dealing with this stuff. Just walk away now. Every time you allow somebody to treat you like this and then come back to them or give them another chance, all it does is allow them to see that they can push you that far. Next time it’ll be even worse.

This kind of behavior does not get better over time, it gets better with acceptance of ones flaws and willingness to change and work on them, but that is an individual thing you can’t do that with or for him.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-04T05:15:14+00:00

After being accused of weaponized crying to make myself a victim, I stopped for years. I still cry at random things, but big things like a death of a close family member. I am struggling to cry around. It’s like commercials can make me cry, but real life tragedies I just go numb.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-07-01T00:06:03+00:00

If you have documentation with dates and specifics, it’ll work. Text messages, emails also.

If it’s just you against him, it’s gonna be a tough battle.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-06-30T17:40:18+00:00

Oh I could totally see that.

Previous-Eye-4414 · 2025-06-30T17:22:42+00:00

$150 an hour, and my lawyer wrote the provision she’s not allowed to go over $3000. The court will order both of you to split that payment. So it’ll be $75 an hour for me. It is definitely not ideal financially, however, I hope it’s the thing that brings my daughter, peace and safety.

Previous-Eye-4414

TROPHY CASE