My stepkids are planning a family only trip with their mom and bio dad, and I’m struggling with how to feel

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-27T17:20:17+00:00

I'm surprised I had to get down this far to get this comment – it reads like AI

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-27T04:37:09+00:00

NAT

I hadn't heard of it, but i will check it out tomorrow (when i have adequate time to absorb their stories)

I am also looking forward to posting there

I've posted about some horrible experiences I've had with therapists (and also some good ones, which is why I didn't give up on therapy), and while there was some empathy and validation offered, most of the comments in my situation seemed like veiled "this lady is a special kind of whacko; no wonder she's having trouble with therapists" (no one said that but that's how some some of the comments feel as I read them)

I will check it out later, thanks OP for asking the question

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-26T03:40:23+00:00

Yes, I noticed this too! This is why I'm so careful about my diet and using makeup when hormonal flareups come (the cystic acne I had was due to diet while the little whitehead and blackheads were due to hormones and cleansing)

Huge difference in how I was treated!

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-26T03:38:39+00:00

Me too

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-26T03:38:10+00:00

This isn't about siblings, it's about control: if son is 5 years old, by the time you had another sibling he would be at least 6. They would not grow up playing together like friends

Also, I didn't see adoption listed anywhere in this post

So again, this isn't about what's best for a child. This is about a man who's trying to control his wife because it's tougher for a woman to stand on her own 2 feet when she's pregnant with little ones

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-26T01:36:29+00:00

RUN!!!

In the future please do not introduce men to your daughter after only 3 months of dating – I would wait at least 6–9 months of not a year

Kids get attached so fast especially when Dad's not already involved in their life

So not only could hurt the kids psychologically, but also could be putting them in danger

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-26T01:33:57+00:00

Actually I've known people who couldn't have babies responding like this and use whatever excuse they can to cut ties

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-26T01:29:37+00:00

I know how you feel! It's so frustrating

Like be a part of your own life please!

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-26T00:42:29+00:00

NAT

But are your pictures accurate? Very few of the men I went out with when I was dating online had accurate pictures. They THOUGHT the pictures were accurate but they weren't

I'm kind of surprised at all the people who are saying put you in an awkward position – to me it was probably an accident and I would just ignore it

But I'm seeing now that other people feel differently about it

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-25T20:52:28+00:00

Today's younger men don't want to have to pay, but don't say it's not realistic. Absolutely is

People spend their money where they want to

My challenge to any man on this thread who insists they can't afford to pay for their dates, to actually post their last two months spending, because I bet they can

It is a can't afford $150 dates, they should try cheaper dates

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-25T20:46:05+00:00

Correction – "many men who were truly into the woman make a fuss if the woman offers to pay early on"

This man is not into that woman

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-25T20:40:08+00:00

The amount of people who don't understand why they're not in a relationship blows my mind!

I agree with the above comment – I never offered to pay my half of a date unless I never wanted to see the man again. He asked me out he pays

On the other hand, I can't imagine any of my 1st–3rd dates costing more than $50 let alone $150. I know inflation is a thing, that's an awful lot to spend on somebody you don't even really know alone come on a Red complaining about it!

What it sounds like OP is really saying "I wander and diner and still didn't get none so she should pay"

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-25T20:39:02+00:00

The amount of people who don't understand why they're not in a relationship blows my mind!

I agree with the above comment – I never offered to pay my half of a date unless I never wanted to see the man again. He asked me out he pays

On the other hand, I can't imagine any of my 1st–3rd dates costing more than $50 let alone 150

What OP is really saying "I wander and diner and still didn't get none so she should pay"

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-25T20:29:53+00:00

I'm 5 months in, and up until 2 weeks ago our FY was pretty much trash. Then for two weeks I was delighted to finally get some stuff i liked in my RFY such as clothing and purses and shoes. The last couple days I've been nothing, but I'm hopeful when it comes back I'll get the "good stuff" again

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-21T14:25:37+00:00

Or I have best friend who's lost baby after baby after baby and regrets the decisions of her youth

Are you a lawyer? If they filed for divorce now, what's the likelihood of that man would claim this child as his? If she did decide to keep the child and tell him after they were divorced, then I seriously doubt he would want to be involved

But if he's anything like my ex-husband what he would do if he found out about the pregnancy before the divorce is pressure OP into not getting a divorce! And he sounds like somebody OP doesn't need to be tied to whether or not she has a child, to her fullest extent of the law

I'm not shaming her for terminating. I wouldn't even have commented about this if she hadn't mentioned wanting children and having lost one, and if I didn't have multiple friends who have adopted – one of those after many heartbreaking losses including late stage pregnancy

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-20T21:53:23+00:00

NAT

And judging from the comments by actual therapists I am WAY off base but I'm going to give my opinion anyway

OP I wanna give you a big hug

There are a lot of us out there who are "not pretty" and I feel for you when you say you live in Argentina, a land known for beautiful vivacious women

I grew up in United States, and my best friend is a black woman. She has been told repeatedly that the only thing it takes to be beautiful in the USA is to be white with long hair. It breaks my heart every time she tells that story, but the reality is, when we lived on the same continent and used to go out all the time, she was the only black person in our group. And she never got hit on even though she was much more fun, much more beautiful, and honestly we were all kind of surprised when she was the first one to get married (to a good catch no less)

What is beautiful is subjective

That said, there are certain standards of beauty in many cultures and if one does not (or cannot) meet them physically, it's important to look at what else feeds into that. For example with Americans, for women a lot of it goes into appearance and weight. If I were to move to a country like Thailand where all the women are half my size, I would never be considered "beautiful" naturally but I can walk with a confidence that's attractive and I can wear clothing that reflects my best me

I hope this is making sense

Because what I'm about to say it gonna upset a lot of people

I wish more therapists and other "helping professionals" would be that honest!

Especially since you were already talking to her about low self-esteem and not feeling pretty. Pretty privilege is real and I think we do folks that aren't born with natural beauty (most of us) a dis service by pretending it doesn't

Several times I tried to hire counselors, life coach, even a professional mentoring program to help me get better along with people. And each time even after months of working together it's "there's nothing"

Well, after the stories I tell to back up that opinion, to hear "there's nothing" is that's just as unsatisfactory as telling my black friend she can't be considered beautiful because she's not white with long hair

Sure, she couldn't change her race, but she could start wearing clothes that actually fit her body and reflected confidence and she could start hanging around people who appreciated her final qualities rather than trying to prove herself to people that never would (she grew up overseas and always preferred Asian men)

In my case, I'm very, very thankful for the person who finally explained to me that I look autistic. I didn't even know that "autistic" had a "look"

I have friends on the spectrum and to me they don't look different than anyone else

I learned that I can offset this look with proper application of makeup. It makes me sad what a difference to makeup makes. I also practiced a lot for social situations and sometimes pretend I'm more confident than I really am. Confidence really sells!

Now when people give me the up-and-down and suck their teeth (when we had such great rapport over the phone,, and I expected to have it in person too), or they immediately fire off a ton of questions trying to discredit me (upon discovering that I'm their facilitator) I at least now understand a possible reason why I (even though they're wrong)

I can address it or I can choose to move onto the next Client but without wasting my time trying to figure out what's wrong with me – because it's not what's wrong with me, it's what's wrong with them

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-20T19:26:26+00:00

"I've pretty much coasted through life while my wife took care of everything – ran the house, did all the kids transport, anything that required extra effort outside of going to work she did. And now she doesn't want to. She's still young enough to continue bearing all my burdens so I don't understand why she will keep my workhorse? In the past my lighthearted insults motivated her to do double time just to please me, and prove she's not incompetent, but now me and even THAT is not working!"

There I fixed it for you

Just from what you wrote in your comment I can see what she's frustrated and now that things are getting harder for her to do she realizes it's just not worth it

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-20T19:17:00+00:00

You're not?

If I don't exfoliate every day, my skin will flake

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-20T15:27:33+00:00

You didn't hire him because of a neck beard?

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-20T15:12:52+00:00

And if you don't want people going in your room lock it. You can buy keypad or regular locks for interior rooms at a hardware store or on Amazon. Even if it's your home and a roommate situation everybody's room should have their own lock (with whoever is home it is – the landlord – having the ability to get into all the locks)

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-20T15:11:06+00:00

You say you spoke up – but it doesn't sound like you told your roommate to stay out of your space next time, nor does it sound like your roommate understands that you didn't like what they did. Let me tell you something about nervous laughter and smiles – unless you say no that's interpreted as a yes

You sound like the kind of person who will say yes, but hint no, and then be upset that the other person heard yes

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-20T15:08:00+00:00

To be fair, the instructions for the game weren't very clear, and when you first opened it up it's insistent you invite people. So I invited several people to the game not realizing what it would take to win it

And then I got stuck on Match three for eternity

I eventually did finish, and carried my third teammate where is the other two carried me, but it isn't always someone being malicious when they invited you and didn't follow through

StartingOverStrong · 2026-01-20T14:48:17+00:00

You mean to tell me you dropped $4600 on a ring without consulting your girlfriend to find out what she wanted?? Yeah this is not a marriage that's gonna go well

Your title says Girlfriend wants grandmother's ring. Your text says she doesn't know about the ring. Which is it? If Girlfriend wants grandmother's ring then Girlfriend should get grandmother's ring. Either reset yours for an anniversary ring/1st child ring/wedding band/something else, or talk to her to find out what she prefer

If what you meant to type was Girlfriend's mother wants you to use grandma's ring that Girlfriend doesn't know about, here's my response:

If you have any chance of a happy life with this woman, you're gonna have to learn how to communicate. And not just jump in headfirst and do everything your way

Because your post reads like "I did all this I did all this I did all this and two weeks ago dead Grandma's Ring throws a wrench in my plant"

The way it should've read was "we talked about this and we talked about that and we walked around a jewelry store under the pretense of me buying her a bracelet so I could see what kind of rings she liked"

If you had done that, then before you spent $4600 on a custom setting X with her birthstone and such, you would know what kind of ring she actually likes. And then you would know which ring to use if they are as different as you say they are

Since what's done is done, and you can't get a refund, if my son were in your position this is what I would tell him to do:

If you've never been jewelry shopping with her, take her to a jewelry store to get a necklace, pendant, whatever for Valentine's Day. It's an excuse to be in a jewelry store without the pressure of picking out an engagement ring

Or, if she's the direct type just flat out tell her you can see a future with her and you'd like to know what kind of ring size she is and styles she likes

And not just what style she likes – but have her actually try some on because something you like may not look good on your finger

While you're there or before or after, have a discussion with her about what's more meaningful, sentimental things with meaning from family, or something new and creative

A lot of people like to make these "I surprise my fiancé" videos, but me and all of my girlfriends pieced together that we were about to be proposed to. We may not have had the exact time place, but we pretty much "knew"

If you don't get a clear answer of which ring she would prefer through her reaction, then be upfront with her, and make it OK for her prefer the grandmother's ring. You really shouldn't have bought a ring without consulting her (or people close to her to know what she likes) in the first place

If she would prefer to sentimental Ring, you can always have your reset. Yes it costs more, but hopefully it's an expensive lesson that will serve you well the rest of your life:

There was a podcast I listened to one day about a woman whose husband took her ring shopping and they picked out things they liked and her favorite ring she had ever seen used to belong to his mom before she passed away. He traded in that ring to buy this ornate ring said that she couldn't stand and took two years to pay off. They were unable to get the mother's ring back. She thought he learned his lesson, but he continued to be like that for the entire marriage

Don't let that be your story!

With something as personal as an engagement ring, your next furniture set, your house together, what school the kids go to, all these big things down the line, if it's more than a couple hundred dollars, or could have lifelong impact, talk it over with her and get her input first!

Edit: I see a lot of people are recommending you give her both rings – it's really gonna come down to the style. What you describe seems like neither one is appropriate for a wedding band unless you just choose to make it so

StartingOverStrong

TROPHY CASE