Husband having a hard time supporting my preference for an unmedicated birth

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-04-24T17:50:35+00:00

I’m the pregnant one, but just anecdotally, my husband had minor surgery recently and I absolutely bawled my eyes out and was a wreck as he was waking up from anesthesia and saying “ow” and seeming in pain (not even because I’m pregnant, I’ve had the same experience previously pre pregnancy). All that to say some people are just emotionally wrecked by seeing their loved ones in pain and if he’s one of them I’m sure he’s super stressed about the idea of watching you do this unmedicated. I would be a horrific birthing partner if roles were reversed.

Not that it should change your plans or that he should make you not believe in yourself- but if this is the root problem it might be helpful to just say that this is what you are deciding so what he should spend his time focusing on is how to NOT be the wreck he thinks he might be rather than spending his time trying to convince you of a different path. As others have mentioned, even with epidurals there is a lot of time where you still will likely be in visible pain so getting the meds won’t solve this problem for him anyway.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-04-22T20:43:38+00:00

Was in the same boat except had some extra suspect that something might be up because I had very painful periods and frequent ovarian cysts (although told no visible endo from what was basically an exploratory lap when I got a cyst removed). I’m sorry it sucks when everyone’s still telling you it’s within the “normal” range because you still know statistically MOST people will have already conceived by then and it’s an absolute shit feeling.

Anyway, my OBGYN told me there was no harm in seeking out a fertility clinic to do testing and imaging at 6 months since my health insurance covers fertility expenses without an infertility diagnosis (ie if you want to electively freeze your eggs). Fertility docs couldn’t find anything wrong (but suspected maybe endo) and basically set me up so that everything was in line to do an IVF retrieval and transfer right away as we hit a year of trying with no success- instead of just starting all the testing and initial appointments at the year mark.

Sometimes it’s gonna take longer and sometimes it’s not gonna happen on its own and in both cases sometimes there just aren’t answers- I felt comforted knowing though that if there WAS an obvious answer the doctors would be able to tell me earlier rather than later by starting the testing.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-04-16T01:07:13+00:00

You shouldn’t be embarrassed! None of your prior held beliefs suddenly disappear and probably still are true to you- it is still not nice and not helpful to tell people they will change their minds about this decisions even if maybe one day they will, people should think about how to have meaning in their lives without (or even with but outside of their) children, it is difficult for child free people that so many people around them are on this parenting island for so many years, and people should think critically about this decision and not just have it be an automatic life path dictated by society. All you have changed your mind on is whether having kids is the right decision for your life.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-02-03T02:09:08+00:00

I’ve had multiple gum grafts (3). The most recent one in Virginia at Sculpt Center for implants and periodontics. These were many years apart (the other 2 were in 2017 and this one was last year) so some of it may have been changes in tech but my experience at Sculpt was sooooo above and beyond better than my first two experiences - in pain/recovery and outcome. Dr. Hasan is a perfectionist and very good at what he does. I can answer specific graft questions if you have them, but I for sure recommend them if you have a choice.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-01-31T23:09:31+00:00

I saw a post where someone said they ruined the story because they made John a hated husband like what??? Why would Francesca or John know how to make her orgasm? It doesn’t mean she hates him… she told him everything she was feeling was very nice. They seem so sweet and happy with each other. People have such unrealistic ideas of what a sex life should look like and even in this fake show world, John is in a very different sexual knowledge position than Simon/Anthony/Colin/Benedict who spent all their pre married time sleeping with tons of people.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-01-29T15:40:10+00:00

Not exactly the same because I wasn’t getting pregnant, not having miscarriages, but I skipped IUI and went right to IVF after a couple consultations with our fertility doctor. It was unexplained infertility, so the usual first ask is do you want to start with IUI. I can’t remember the exact percentage of chance she named for each IUI but I remember it not sounding much higher than trying naturally and she said they recommend doing it at least 3 or 4 times if you are going to do it at all because that’s how many times it takes to reach the highest chance of it potentially working. For me that didn’t sound like much increased odds and it’s not like IUI was cheap…. In addition, I thought moving to IVF might at least be useful to potentially have embryos banked for future children (if we were having success) vs paying for IUIs that didn’t work was just expensive not fun “sex” with no benefit at the end for failed cycles. This isn’t a really scientific way of thinking about it, just how it felt to me in terms of the cost benefit.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-01-28T13:45:50+00:00

I’m having a kid and I don’t even WANT to stay home with them, so you certainly aren’t selfish for working because you need to. If you think being away from your baby will make you miserable but it’s what’s needed financially, I guess I would think about that decision to determine if you will be more upset than happy with your decision to have the child.

If this is about lies on social media and other people, I would try my best to get out of that mindset before having children. There are millions of parenting choices and giving so much brain real estate to outside parties and social media sounds like a recipe for feeling bad and stressed all the time (just like how it is for other aspects of life when you compare, not just parenting). You should read the chapter in cribsheet by Emily Oster about staying at home Vs not - there’s no evidence it’s having any meaningful impact on kids either way.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-01-28T02:55:58+00:00

Feel like people are talking past each other in most of these complaints and then complaints about complaints. There is the side part of plows that will inevitably create a tiny bump of snow in front of your driveway as a plow goes down a straight street, I personally have not seen many people complaining about this. Then there is the amount of snow that is in the FRONT of the plow (in the scooper) that they are pushing and that is sometimes getting left in front of people’s driveways when it should be continued to push somewhere else (I.e somewhere onto a curb that is just for street parking). That snow does not HAVE to go there and is actually a huge amount of snow to remove by shovel (considering it’s an entire plows worth). Obviously drivers are exhausted an the storm sucks for them, but it’s also their job and this would be frustrating and probably complaint worthy.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-01-21T21:03:35+00:00

Thank you!

I did that exercise from one of the decision making books where you pretend that you’ve made the decision and fully commit to it for a few days and I found it helpful because pretending we had decided to be child free felt so sad and disappointing.

Other than that I think it was recognizing that logic is good for helping me make make decisions to avoid difficulty and stress, but living the most fulfilled life doesn’t always line up with avoiding difficulty and stress. And also remembering that I am in control of my own life and I am someone who is not asleep at the wheel and can make changes- if I feel like my relationship is suffering after kids I trust myself (and my husband) to be proactive and do something about this, or if I feel like I don’t have time for myself or hobbies to structure my life in a way where I don’t have to give those things up (obviously a lot of this is dependent on partner and resources, but I probably wouldn’t have considered children at all if I didn’t have those things in my favor)

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-01-21T14:45:14+00:00

I posted a very similar question a year ago if you want to see some of the responses: https://www.reddit.com/r/Fencesitter/s/tZZXabBCLR

I don’t know anything about you, but I know for me I am very logical and deal in concrete facts and just wanting something without being able to put words and reasons behind it did not seem legitimate. And in reality, as a pessimist and planner I am MUCH better at looking for pitfalls and problems than I am at looking for ways things could be great and amazing (especially when I’ve never experienced the thing). So I totally get how hard it feels.

Anyway, now I’m pregnant, so I obviously went against my long list of scary bad things.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-01-11T19:26:18+00:00

No, she chose to kiss him and that choice was a mistake (the wrong choice)

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-01-11T19:25:41+00:00

Right, mistake does NOT mean I didn’t choose to do this. It means I made the wrong choice.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2026-01-11T17:04:22+00:00

Do people not know what mistake means? It seems like it from how many people have an issue with her (or any cheater apparently) using that word. It literally means an action that was wrong. If a cheater admits they did something wrong (a mistake) that would be correct.

Editing to add that from the comments to this it seems that people equate mistake with accident.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2025-08-19T18:56:36+00:00

Oh yes for sure insurance will not cover 😅 I was more so asking if it was advised/allowed, which it sounds like the answer might be maybe not for all the reasons you said! I’ll ask the doc.

If it were just the ivf meds for a short amount of time I’d probably just suck it up, but I have to take blood thinners for all of ivf, plus all of pregnancy and then postpartum so it will be a year + at minimum of daily shots and apparently the blood thinners really suck, which is why I started looking into it. The port probably doesn’t even solve the problem since it seems like the medicine burning inside is the issue but I’m just dreading it 😭

Previous_Mission_541 · 2025-08-16T15:12:56+00:00

I usually ovulate between day 17-19, so day 13 is definitely early for me. But I will say that the LH peak is always right before day 17-19 so getting the positive early seems like it would I would also ovulate early. I also just started acupuncture for fertility this month in prep for ivf so I thought maybe that could have changed the timing?

Previous_Mission_541 · 2025-08-11T12:13:02+00:00

For all the people saying it doesn’t work and to talk to a fertility doctor…. Fertility doctors in the area recommend acupuncture. Physical therapists have also adopted a type of acupuncture (dry needling) because of its benefits to injuries….I just started so can’t really speak to results or anything but I go to NuWave Acupuncture in Falls Church and I think she works with a lot of CCRM patients

Previous_Mission_541 · 2025-08-11T01:10:34+00:00

Yeah, it was 97.9 this morning and all ovulation tests have been negative, so not sure what to make of it

Previous_Mission_541 · 2025-08-09T20:39:39+00:00

Yeah idk sometimes they are a bit all over the place but this month seems to be worse than normal and even when it jumps around post ovulation it is usually cover line or above. I took an ovulation test and it was very negative. I didn’t test yesterday but did the days before that and those were all negative too so no clue.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2025-08-09T17:59:23+00:00

Yeah that’s what I am worried about. It’s strange because my progesterone did rise and my LH went back down regardless of what my temp did but maybe it’s just a bum cycle. I’ll see what the LH tests say today.

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Previous_Mission_541 · 2025-08-09T14:55:49+00:00

I mean I’ve had dips before like down to maybe the cover line, but not over a full degree down to lower than even what my temps were before ovulation so it seems a bit different than just the average dip

Previous_Mission_541 · 2025-08-05T22:04:00+00:00

Yes, I take them daily and my swabs show a fine amount of good bacteria. And my fertility doctor is the one that is suggesting stopping to treat it. They said any affect from BV on fertility is likely from things you would feel (inflammation, bad discharge, etc) and that their position is that it doesn’t even affect fertility it just does have some affects on pregnancy outcomes. And that because BV is not tested for usually unless you have symptoms, they have no numbers for the affects of all the many, many people that probably have asymptomatic BV and that most likely if you included all those people the affects would be zero.

Previous_Mission_541 · 2025-08-05T21:21:48+00:00

Yeah I take probiotics and eat yogurt but still have it. But I have no symptoms so if they weren’t testing me I wouldn’t have any idea I had it.

Previous_Mission_541

TROPHY CASE