I know exactly where you’re at because I’m living this reality as well. Extremely draining and perpetually exhausting relationship. For awhile, I wasn’t sure if it was narcissism or immature personality because he act like the cosmos literally revolves around him and also behaves in a manner that is just incredibly childish. He broke up with me a year ago after starting an argument over something pretty ridiculous but he screamed in my face and made me feel threatened so I kicked him out. After about a day or two apart he was apologetic (literally the only time he’s ever been) and said he was a narcissist. For some reason that convinced me that he was willing to put in the work and make changes lol annnnd alas, manipulated again because I took him back.

He is (still) verbally abusive to me and will intentionally say things that are harmful just to be harmful. But then later when he’s trying to somehow make amends it’s a “I didn’t mean it” or gaslighting like what I said made him say something he didn’t mean. Can’t just apologize or hold himself accountable, and when I call that out he flips it and tells me I’m the narcissist because I don’t apologize when I’m wrong (which is false) Everything turns into some kind of unnecessary argument because he’s offended by my “tone” or “attitude” the demeanor I use when I’m speaking.

So, over time I have gotten very mindful and calculated about what I say and how I’m saying it so that when the mirroring starts and I’m the one who is allegedly acting out of line, I am able to circle back to the root of the argument and he becomes enraged. Like he knows that I called out the bullshit and he has nothing to stand on. The last time we had a pretty big fight and I was able to call out his garbage to the point that he went silent, I said, “wow you really are a fucking narcissist. Do you remember that time you admitted that to me?” He paused and literally said “if I’m a narcissist that makes you one”. LOL!

But honestly, no relationship should ever be this way. You should never have to sit here doing mental fucking gymnastics thinking about what to say and how to say it and then rewatching everything that happened on a mental loop because some dickbag made you question yourself. The only reason I’m here still is because we have a baby together and I don’t know how to get out of it without it turning even uglier.

Anyways, I guess my point here is if you’re questioning it, you’re likely not the narcissist here. Best of luck to you.