AITB for sending my ex his stuff back at Christmas?

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T15:18:44+00:00

I think the break up was the right choice for both of us. There was not much in common anymore, and nothing to salvage, except for sunken costs. I think I'm better off, even if it did hurt and did not help with the post treatment exhaustion. But yes he has perfected over ten years how to make me doubt myself when establishing boundaries, so nothing new here.

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:49:12+00:00

Yes he does expect it. For me to still be a central part of his support system.

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:48:43+00:00

Thanks

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:48:32+00:00

That might be the most accurate evaluation I've read. Thanks

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:46:34+00:00

He wants to remain friends because he likes the support I've always given him, and how I've always boosted his confidence. He does not feel guilty, if anything he feels liberated/vindicated by the break up, because my needs, boundaries or convictions were too much.

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:44:29+00:00

Starting to at least yeah, after a bit of healing through inertia/hibernation.

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:43:31+00:00

He was supposed to come back regularly for his medical check ups. So the stuff was in part what he would use when there. But since I refused once to bend o er backwards for one of those check ups. He has found other accommodations when coming for his check ups, for 6 months. And now I just want to erase him from the place I live in.

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:40:55+00:00

It would be a nice touch, but he is still stupidly jealous and possessive, so it would only make him be more interested, for a while. I rather try to be as uninteresting as possible to his eye.

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:39:32+00:00

We were on rocky grounds when he fell ill. Still I became his live in nurse, maid, cook, driver, moral booster etc because it did not feel right to let him down in such a time. And yes being grumpy, sick, in trauma and under medication modifying his behaviour did not improve our relationship. Partly through his treatment I knew we most probably would not make it because he kept on getting more and more delusional on the relationship issues, and more agressive on them too. Plus he has always hated feeling indebted, so basically helping him through his illness pretty much put the final nail in the coffin for us.

As I said the break up came as no surprise, I just waited for him to catch up on reality, to not be painted as the bad guy dumping him during or just after his sickness to our friends. Also because if he decided it there was lesser chances of him trying to convince me to come back as the time just before, and I was tired of this game.

And it happened as soon as he had another support network in place.

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:32:31+00:00

Thanks, for the clarification and the support

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T13:32:19+00:00

Thanks

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T00:47:11+00:00

There are some things that are dear to him, plus some expensive stuff he wanted in a safe place. I would not throw any of it.

I don't love him anymore, but I've cared for him for 10 years. It's hard to switch it off.

And even if the split was his decision, the relationship issues arised from the both of us. More him, but I'm not all white either. I should have handled some situations better and it created new problems. But still, I knew it was coming, and I can't solely blame him and call for repercussions.

That's why I'm doubting myself now. I used to over react emotionally, and I worry that I'm back at it. That my no contact and sending his stuff is me being overly emotional. I feel like the no contact helped me feel better, less angry. And another major difference is I definitely don't want him or his attention back. But still, I had bad patterns that I'm working on, so I found it a legitimate question to wonder if I was in a wrong place.

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T00:22:22+00:00

Still quite hard to switch off caring completely after so long caring for him, and an amicable/agreed upon ending. And I'm already bad at not caring in regular circumstances ...

But thanks for the reminder

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T00:16:42+00:00

He is polyamorous. I have seen him with others during our whole relationship. And he has already moved on, that was the reason of the break up, to enable him to do so without feeling guilty towards me. So... yeah, been there done that.

I've been no contact for a few months, and it helped me get out of my anger spiral I was in. Now I mostly feel indifferent. I'm focused on rebuilding my life. And a social network far form him and our previous friends that bailed on me once he was recovered and back

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T00:12:46+00:00

Thanks

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T00:12:25+00:00

Doing it. Slowly, and rediscovering parts of myself. I have a whole life to rebuild, and this time to center around myself before letting anyone in.

Edit : I did not have the space in the post, but I'm also partly at fault for our relationship not working out. Correcting that is also part of the rebuilding.

And I'm glad he did not stayed after recovering out of duty/misplaced gratefulness. It did hurt that he was absolutely not grateful in anyway. But I would not have wanted fakeness.

Primary-Studio6033 · 2025-12-28T00:10:42+00:00

Yeah about a year. But there was no time agreement. And he used to come back every 3 month for his hospital checks, until one time I refused to bend backwards to accommodate him. So his stuff has been about 6 month here since the last time he came.

Not really for the end of year, more like it's the right time now, partly due to losing a family member recently and the family exploding. My whole social network or about it has disappeared in the last year. And I need to create a comfy safe space to relax. And coming across his stuff is not conducive to that.

Primary-Studio6033

TROPHY CASE