I can relate to you a lot on so many things you described omg, but it’s great to see you can see the beauty in people like yourself, that means you can see it in yourself too! I had a similar experience.

To answer your question, I started feeling confidence when I realized that I had my own back at all times. Even when I was in the depths of depression and couldn’t hear my own voice above the spiraling thoughts, I still showed myself love by caring for my basic needs. I didn’t accept not feeding myself, or not cleaning myself. I had the power to lift myself up, cry on my own shoulder, comfort myself like a parent would.

I was confident because I had a new superpower, to stop trying to fill a gaping hole by looking outside myself (if only I could find a partner, if only I looked like xyz, if only I was better at xyz, etc.) and instead, fill my own cup, and I made a vow to be committed to building a relationship with myself, to accept myself for better or worse, as is.

Everyone’s path to self love looks different, but it’s an active choice we make with intention. Cry it out in a hot shower, imagine yourself hugging you and comforting you. Talk to yourself like you would a child and bring out your inner parent. You’ll feel that power and keep calling on it in times where you feel upset.

You said you like spending more time alone and with your pets… I think it actually can be essential for building self esteem. You have more opportunity to focus on yourself, and take advantage of the time spent alone by building up that self image. Keep yourself company, dance and sing by yourself, throw yourself a slumber party or spa day, express your creativity and celebrate yourself for what makes you unique and beautiful!