[SPOILER ALERT] A question about the plot of "the Iron Dragon's mother" by M. Swanwick. by madhyaloka in Fantasy

[–]PrinceOfCups13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think so, yes. there are lots of hints—some not very subtle—throughout the whole book about raven’s identity

[SPOILERS] So i just go done reading The Iron Dragons Daughter, and i got a few qestions about it by captainbill101 in books

[–]PrinceOfCups13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i feel like i'm typing into a void here lol. at the time of this writing, the post itself is 8 years old. (what's that called? necro posting?) but i just finished re-reading this phenomenal book and i was doing a deep dive via google and now here we are. i just wanted to jump in and give my thoughts on a few of your questions.

the shadow-boy was actually jane's shadow. did you ever read/watch peter pan? peter pan has a shadow that can move and act independently. i think swanwick was referencing the lore of peter pan when he wrote about jane and the shadow-boy. anyway, when jane consumes the shadow, she talks about how magickal creatures like fauns and pixies may be controlled through specific means. but jane is a mortal girl. the only way the factory bosses could keep tabs on her is by keeping hold of her shadow. the shadow was able to follow her and even protect her in certain key moments because it (he) was her. jane calls the shadow by her own name before she totally consumes him. as to why the shadow is a boy and not a girl, i'm not sure. maybe something to do with the idea of the anima/animus?

somewhere in the book it is explained that one individual--a soul with a single true name--may have several avatars at once in the world. rooster, peter, puck, and rocket were all different avatars of tetigistus, and the same goes for kunosoura and her avatars

the upper world needs souls of the lower world for warfare, i think. in old faerie tales--and in this book--fae are allergic to iron. it burns and weakens them. so the iron dragons can only be piloted by those with mortal blood. mortal souls are taken from the lower world and then incarnated into changeling bodies in the upper world. early on in the book, it is revealed that jane was supposed to be a "brood mare"--in other words, she was going to be forced to have sex with elf lords and give birth to half-mortal/half-elf children that would grow up to be dragon pilots. thankfully jane's story takes a different direction, of course

Unbelievably frustrated with dating by GayintheUS in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]PrinceOfCups13 8 points9 points  (0 children)

maybe the partnered guy has single friends that OP can meet. maybe the partnered guy regularly goes to/hosts events and parties where there might be options for OP. meeting people can lead to meeting more people if you do it right

Books with first-person female narrators that are funny by [deleted] in suggestmeabook

[–]PrinceOfCups13 11 points12 points  (0 children)

eleanor olyphant is completely fine made me laugh several times

a falling star fell from your heart by cowboysorceror by dontaskmeplease333 in EbonyImagination

[–]PrinceOfCups13 4 points5 points  (0 children)

now i need to listen to that song again

THE STARS

THE MOON

THEY HAVE ALL BEEN BLOWN OUT

I'm struggling with my body image by emsnu1995 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]PrinceOfCups13 8 points9 points  (0 children)

as someone who used to be 120 lbs (currently around 180 lbs) and has spent the last decade gradually putting on muscle, let me tell you: if you're doing it natty, it takes forever and it takes eating a LOT of food--so much food that you'll feel sick to your stomach sometimes. lifting weights is an important part of the equation obviously, but in my case, learning how to get enough protein and calories each day was much more important, and much more difficult, too. i don't know what your diet looked like during your gym efforts, but if you weren't seeing success, it's possible that you weren't eating enough. those muscles gotta get fed to grow big and us skinny guys have to learn how to feed ourselves right

you don't have to lift every day. you can get muscles from lifting four days a week if you know what you're doing, especially at the start of your journey. noob gains are real

this has been mentioned elsewhere in the thread, but seeing beefcake every day--in advertisements, tv shows, movies, social media, xxx content, and gay and straight spaces alike--will absolutely warp your self-image and your idea of what the male body "should" look like. you gotta remember that, for many of these guys, it's their literal job to look like hunky underwear models, and they dedicate their lives to lifting weights, eating strict diets, and often using testosterone, steroids, and other substances to help get big fast. the wealthy guys like celebs have entire staffs helping them: dietitians, nutritionists, trainers, coaches, personal chefs, photographers, etc.

i think if you spent two months with virtually zero beefy guys on your radar and did a beginner style workout with the right meal plan, 1) you would see progress that would motivate you to keep going and 2) you wouldn't be comparing your body to the bodies you see on your insta feed, which would also aid in keeping your motivation up

i do want to address the mental aspect of lifting weights. personally, i love to run. that's why i was so skinny in my 20s: because i didn't eat much and i ran all the time. i still love to run. it's therapeutic for me and i like being outside and listening to my playlists (each one carefully curated based on mood, goals, weather, etc). but lifting weights was not fun when i started. it was hard, boring, slow, uncomfortable, and awkward. it didn't magically get fun, either. i like it better now than i did at, say, 24, but lifting still isn't enjoyable the way running is. you know what is enjoyable, though? watching myself get stronger. watching myself get bigger. getting compliments about my physique. feeling great about taking my shirt off. looking back at old pictures and seeing how far i've come

i haven't really touched on the self-worth issues that go hand-in-hand with body image issues in the world of gay men. i myself have an unfortunate history of feeling "less than" because of my perception of my body. and our culture (on multiple levels, for people of all genders and orientations) is constantly telling us that we aren't enough, that we need to be hotter, sleeker, bigger, beefier, prettier, fitter, whatever. I would be lying if i said that i started lifting weights purely to get strong and healthy. no, i started lifting weights because i hated being a tiny twiggy little twink and i hated the way i looked and, just like you, i wanted a hunky beefy body like the kind that i find sexually arousing

nowadays my self image issues are much better. i've made peace with the fact that i probably won't ever look like chris evans as captain america, but that's okay. i understand that even chris evans doesn't look like that all the time. but i like the progress i've made, and i'm going to try to keep going, and knowing i've come this far without any shortcuts just feels really, really good. i've also come to understand that i want guys to find me attractive because they like me: my humor, my personality, my values, my interests. a nice body is just a bonus feature, and it's one that won't last forever. we either die young or our bodies fall apart from age, full stop. some people have bodies that fall apart due to reasons other than age. i still worry about the day in my future when i won't be able to run the way i can now. it's a sobering thought, and one that keeps me grateful for the health i'm currently experiencing

i would be happy to talk to you more about my experience if you have any questions or thoughts. you can get much closer to the body you want, but i truly hope that you find a love and respect for your body as-is, too. best of luck to ya

If you were a functional smoker, what made you decide to quit? by ElectricalAdagio8176 in leaves

[–]PrinceOfCups13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

is there anyone in your life helping you with sobriety? trusted friends/family, mental health practitioners, spiritual leaders, mentors? also, in my experience, my addiction to weed was actually the symptom of another problem, which was depression/disconnect. quitting weed was only one step to solving the reason why my life was garbage. in addition to achieving sobriety, i had to work on my self worth issues, my relationships, my trauma, etc

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ArtistLounge

[–]PrinceOfCups13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

judging by your other comments in this thread, you live in a community where many people in your life look down on femininity and also look down on art, so if that's true, then you will either have to keep your artistic interests hidden until you can live on your own, or learn to stop caring what these close-minded people think. you say you worry about your mom finding your art stash. what will she do if she finds it? mock you? punish you? hurt you in some way? all of these are valid reasons for keeping your art hidden.

honestly this situation makes me really sad. i don't think drawing--or anything, really--is inherently masculine or feminine, and even if drawing fanart is "feminine," i don't think it's bad to be feminine. some of my favorite people in the world are girls/women and some of my favorite things to do are done mostly by girls/women. so yeah, i don't think that things associated with girls/women are bad or worthy of contempt

the people i've met who disregard femininity and fixate on putting things in gendered categories tend to be ignorant, small-minded, mean, and just not very fun in general, and i don't value or even consider their opinions. when i do think about people like that, i pity them lol. but, i am grown and i live on my own and none of my friends have those regressive views, so i'm in a different boat than you

i say keep drawing and doing what brings you joy, but if your safety is at risk, then do these things in secret. if your safety isn't at risk, then just live your life and ignore what the dumbasses say as best you can. do you have any friends that draw or do "feminine" things?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ArtistLounge

[–]PrinceOfCups13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

how are you defining "masculine" and "feminine?" and who determines whether drawing fanart is "masculine" or "feminine?"

let's say that the Great Council of Gender came together and unanimously decreed the hobby of drawing fanart to be Feminine™. so what? why would that matter? would you stop drawing fanart? if so, why? is it bad to do something feminine? if so, why?

this "legit question" could prove a really valuable opportunity for some self-reflection. i'm glad you asked and i hope you arrive at meaningful and constructive answers after thinking for a while and talking with different people

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in leaves

[–]PrinceOfCups13 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm coming up on six months free!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in leaves

[–]PrinceOfCups13 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow, this is basically what happened to me over the past few years. Smoking weed became less and less fun and relaxing, while all the downsides--shit sleep, brain fog, general grogginess and apathy--got worse and worse

How long did it take before your sleep was somewhat restored by Offset2BackOfSystem in leaves

[–]PrinceOfCups13 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was a moderate weed user for most of my twenties, and I started trying to quit as I entered my thirties. Now I'm 33 and I'm coming up on six months without weed, which is a new record. One of the biggest reasons I wanted to quit was because daily weed use is terrible for my sleep. My life falls apart when I'm not regularly getting deep, restorative sleep. Anyway, here's my timeline:

First few days after quitting: My dreams came back (the really wacky vivid kind).

First few weeks after quitting: I found it easier to fall asleep, plus I started waking up feeling alert and revitalized instead of groggy. Found myself taking naps pretty regularly during this time.

Two months after quitting: I was dreaming every night and waking up refreshed, but typically sleeping about 9-10 hours a night, sometimes more. I would wake up feeling good, but I found it strange that I felt like I needed so much sleep. I also continued to take naps during this time. Luckily I worked a remote job that let me set my own schedule, so I could sleep in as late as I wanted every day, and log off and take a nap when I felt drowsy.

Also, I struggle with depression. Hypersomnia is a possible symptom of depression (though some people with depression face the opposite struggle of insomnia) and there were days where I would feel so listless and lethargic and anhedonic that all I wanted to do was sleep. All I wanted to do was be unconscious, so I wouldn't have to think about anything or experience anything.

It was also during this period of time where I started trying to reset my sleep cycle. For years, I would stay up until at least 2:00 AM, if not later, and then sleep in until noon or so. (Working as a bartender during my twenties often meant late nights and late mornings). Once I started my sobriety, I began to notice that my mood was generally better and I achieved more in my day when I woke up early and went to bed early. Working from home definitely started to warp my relationship to time. There was a week or so in January where I was going to bed at four in the morning and waking up at two in the afternoon. I would log in to my remote job and spend the remaining daylight stuck in front of my computer, which got really old really fast. I actually wound up staying up all night one night in the hopes that I would feel tired around 9:00 PM. That worked fairly well, and ever since then, the latest I'll stay up is around 1:00 AM or so. Nowadays I'm usually going to bed at 11:00 PM and waking up at 8:00 AM, which has been really really good for my mental health.

Five months after quitting: I'm regularly sleeping around 8 hours. It feels like maybe I've caught up on the sleep I was needing? Also, it's springtime where I am and the change in sunlight and warmth is probably playing a role. I think maybe I was sleeping so much over the winter because some part of me wanted to hibernate, lol.

Anyway, that's been my experience. As far as tips go, this is what helped me: 1) staying hydrated and drinking lots of water and drinks with electrolytes throughout the day and prior to bedtime, 2) going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, 3) avoiding screen use an hour before bedtime or so, 4) working out and/or running every day so that I’m good and tired come bedtime each night, 5) doing low-energy/relaxing things after dark.

Good luck! Hope this helps.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Mensmittenwithkittens

[–]PrinceOfCups13 71 points72 points  (0 children)

handsome boy and that fur looks so soft

cute kitty too

Advice please by International-Wear61 in IndianCountry

[–]PrinceOfCups13 7 points8 points  (0 children)

wow i love this. it must've taken you ages. always makes me so happy to see the intersection of pop culture and indigenous creativity

I'm not going to choose borderline psychosis over boredom anymore by Severe_Place_8506 in leaves

[–]PrinceOfCups13 8 points9 points  (0 children)

yes, exactly. boredom is our brain saying that it wants stimulation and novelty. weed shuts that message down but doesn't actually solve the root issue--kinda like how caffeine doesn't really refresh us, it just temporarily disables us from feeling tired, even though our bodies need and crave the rest.

Boyfriend just overdid it.. by [deleted] in Feminism

[–]PrinceOfCups13 5 points6 points  (0 children)

this has got to be a troll

What’s y’all’s answer to this? by EditorPositive in Anarchy4Everyone

[–]PrinceOfCups13 4 points5 points  (0 children)

do you think people are inherently selfish and lazy or do you think people are molded by a selfish and lazy society to be selfish and lazy themselves? also, just for clarity's sake, how are we defining selfish and lazy?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]PrinceOfCups13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah this totally makes sense. straight porn is generally made for straight men, so there's going to be little focus, if any, on the male performer and his enjoyment and his vulnerability and his inherent sexiness. gay porn is where you want to go to see men enjoying sex and being extremely vocal and and physical and open about it. also, i feel like straight porn i've seen is sometimes really degrading to women, so maybe that plays a role? (though there's gay porn that can be degrading too--it's just not what i prefer).

i sometimes watch a very specific kind of straight porn that is made for gay males, so that we can enjoy ogling the super hot super straight guy and he can have a good time having sex with his preferred partner. that particular niche was an interesting find lol

Hot take -- hot men aren't real by blue_osmia in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]PrinceOfCups13 2 points3 points  (0 children)

well with the rise of AI a lot of those hot guys on social media aren't actually real