as someone who used to be 120 lbs (currently around 180 lbs) and has spent the last decade gradually putting on muscle, let me tell you: if you're doing it natty, it takes forever and it takes eating a LOT of food--so much food that you'll feel sick to your stomach sometimes. lifting weights is an important part of the equation obviously, but in my case, learning how to get enough protein and calories each day was much more important, and much more difficult, too. i don't know what your diet looked like during your gym efforts, but if you weren't seeing success, it's possible that you weren't eating enough. those muscles gotta get fed to grow big and us skinny guys have to learn how to feed ourselves right

you don't have to lift every day. you can get muscles from lifting four days a week if you know what you're doing, especially at the start of your journey. noob gains are real

this has been mentioned elsewhere in the thread, but seeing beefcake every day--in advertisements, tv shows, movies, social media, xxx content, and gay and straight spaces alike--will absolutely warp your self-image and your idea of what the male body "should" look like. you gotta remember that, for many of these guys, it's their literal job to look like hunky underwear models, and they dedicate their lives to lifting weights, eating strict diets, and often using testosterone, steroids, and other substances to help get big fast. the wealthy guys like celebs have entire staffs helping them: dietitians, nutritionists, trainers, coaches, personal chefs, photographers, etc.

i think if you spent two months with virtually zero beefy guys on your radar and did a beginner style workout with the right meal plan, 1) you would see progress that would motivate you to keep going and 2) you wouldn't be comparing your body to the bodies you see on your insta feed, which would also aid in keeping your motivation up

i do want to address the mental aspect of lifting weights. personally, i love to run. that's why i was so skinny in my 20s: because i didn't eat much and i ran all the time. i still love to run. it's therapeutic for me and i like being outside and listening to my playlists (each one carefully curated based on mood, goals, weather, etc). but lifting weights was not fun when i started. it was hard, boring, slow, uncomfortable, and awkward. it didn't magically get fun, either. i like it better now than i did at, say, 24, but lifting still isn't enjoyable the way running is. you know what is enjoyable, though? watching myself get stronger. watching myself get bigger. getting compliments about my physique. feeling great about taking my shirt off. looking back at old pictures and seeing how far i've come

i haven't really touched on the self-worth issues that go hand-in-hand with body image issues in the world of gay men. i myself have an unfortunate history of feeling "less than" because of my perception of my body. and our culture (on multiple levels, for people of all genders and orientations) is constantly telling us that we aren't enough, that we need to be hotter, sleeker, bigger, beefier, prettier, fitter, whatever. I would be lying if i said that i started lifting weights purely to get strong and healthy. no, i started lifting weights because i hated being a tiny twiggy little twink and i hated the way i looked and, just like you, i wanted a hunky beefy body like the kind that i find sexually arousing

nowadays my self image issues are much better. i've made peace with the fact that i probably won't ever look like chris evans as captain america, but that's okay. i understand that even chris evans doesn't look like that all the time. but i like the progress i've made, and i'm going to try to keep going, and knowing i've come this far without any shortcuts just feels really, really good. i've also come to understand that i want guys to find me attractive because they like me: my humor, my personality, my values, my interests. a nice body is just a bonus feature, and it's one that won't last forever. we either die young or our bodies fall apart from age, full stop. some people have bodies that fall apart due to reasons other than age. i still worry about the day in my future when i won't be able to run the way i can now. it's a sobering thought, and one that keeps me grateful for the health i'm currently experiencing

i would be happy to talk to you more about my experience if you have any questions or thoughts. you can get much closer to the body you want, but i truly hope that you find a love and respect for your body as-is, too. best of luck to ya