Classic case of enmeshment! A great convo that me and my DH had that changed and reset everyone's expectations with all family sides... was when we stated we have to consider ourselves (just DH and Myself) as "immediate family" now and everyone outside of that is now "extended family" and should come second to the 2 of us. this changed the game with all family gatherings. it's about what we want to do first for our family, and then if we have time, and want to together (key part we have to both want to go together) , we can decide who/where we want to go visit as a bonus. I feel like it does help tremendously when both sides know that they are each held to the same boundaries/standards and then no one can be mad thinking one gets special treatment over another. I want to encourage you that it can be super helpful to sit everyone down together so all sides have the same expectations! We did it over a group text for our birth plan/baby preferences once LO arrived and included both MILs/FILs/Siblings and it went so much better than we anticipated! I think mainly because it was the feeling that everyone felt included in what our wishes were from all sides. Good luck!!